The Stoma Censors: Sanitizing Ostomy Bag Terminology

Replies
7
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175
Beachboy
Mar 20, 2024 2:24 am

The Stoma Censors

In the spirit of mainstream media and social websites... the following terms will be actively sanitized to protect delicate ears and personas.

An ostomy "bag" will now be known as an
"Alternative turd receptacle."

Wait... my producer has informed me folks might be "triggered" by the word "turd."

We shall revise the offending sentence accordingly.

An ostomy "bag" will now be known as an
"Alternative poopie receptacle."

Wait... my producer has informed me folks might be confused by the word "poopie."

We shall revise the offending sentence promptly.

An ostomy "bag" will now be known as an
"Alternative craps vessel."

My dumbass producer has warned me the public will be misled by "craps."
Especially Vegas gamblers who play... "craps."

An ostomy "bag" will now be known as an
"Alternative pancaking vessel."

My producer, who is getting on my nerves, doesn't like this food-style terminology. So "pancaking" is out. He must like chocolate chip pancakes.

An ostomy "bag" will now be referred to as an "anal discharge diverter."

My snowflake producer's face has turned beet red, eyes glaring at me. OK boss, I'll sanitize it again.

An ostomy "bag" will now be simply called: A "plastic holding device for occasionally produced, human, semi-solid waste."

My producer... is pounding the control room window. I hear yelling. Something about the word "produced" must be changed. Well... he has produced this show.

Thank you for joining us. Tune in next time as we work to alter this sentence:

"Had so much gas, my plastic holding device blew off, covering my foot guards (shoes) with human semi-solid waste."

Bob 48
Mar 20, 2024 4:40 am

Your last sentence triggered me!

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Bill
Mar 20, 2024 9:37 am

Thanks for this post

Once in a while
we all need to smile.

Best wishes
Bill

eefyjig
Mar 20, 2024 12:32 pm

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XLKKFgU1V0

ron in mich
Mar 20, 2024 1:35 pm

Hi BB, how about instead of "turd" we call it a "butt truffle," as said in an episode of the comedy series Avenue 5.

 
Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
Beachboy
Mar 20, 2024 2:02 pm
Reply to ron in mich

I like it, Ron!

Us ostomates deal with issues unknown to the general public. The idea for my parody of altering sentences came from my wife. Last week, after I changed my wafer/bag, she asked, "How did it go?" "Oh, it was great," I replied. "Except I got some shit on my hands when I unsnapped the bag." Silence followed this unsavory revelation. "Why must you be so crude?" she huffed at me. All right then. I told her, how about this: "Unfortunately, some excrement found its way onto my fingers." She gave me the "death stare" then hustled her aggrieved self back downstairs.

Something tells me she won't be holding my hand anytime soon.

IGGIE
Mar 20, 2024 3:30 pm
Reply to Beachboy

G'day BB, you went a long way around when we all know it's a bag of shit. Regards, Iggie

Bill
Mar 20, 2024 7:37 pm
Reply to eefyjig

I liked this one so much I just had to watch his next rendition.!