Ostomy Plumbing

WHEN YOU HAVE AN OSTOMY, your focus is different than people with regular plumbing.  I rarely end a meal without immediately heading for the bathroom.  When we eat out, which is usually once a week, I typically will visit the men’s room before we leave the restaurant.  Like other ostomates, I have the toilet homing ability of an incontinent rock dove.  Despite my negative feelings for public bathrooms, I have no more control over peristalsis than Hoyt Wilhelm had over his knuckleball.  When I go to the dentist for a cleaning, I always ask them to keep me as elevated as possible.  “Oh, a bad back, huh?” they say.  I don’t bother to mention my ostomy flow need for gravitational confederacy.  Whenever I go out for a good walk, I wear the special underwear that has an inner sleeve to support the ostomy bag.  Depending upon the time of day or when I last had a meal, it could play an important role in keeping me secure till I get back home.  For this reason, I usually walk in the early morning prior to eating breakfast to minimize the prospect of filling up as I wander the neighborhood.  Nothing like a belly bulge to slow the speed of even the most determined walker. Walker erectus can swiftly deteriorate into shuffler bagfillius.   

Yep, nothing more frustrating than shittious balloonious maximous - for me, usually around 3 a.m., disturbing the greatest dream ever... Welcome back and thanks for the laugh! jb

Love the Hoyt Wilhelm reference, Henry. I was just remembering him the other day as I was watching Matt Waldron pitch for the Padres against our hapless Rockies. :-)

Daniel

I grew up watching Phil Niekro (Knucksie), knuckleballer for the Atlanta Braves. Hoyt Wilhelm's reference reminded me of him.

I was a pitcher in my younger days, and my hero was Ryne Duren because he had coke-bottle glasses like me and threw a hundred miles an hour. I used to try to intimidate the opposition by throwing the ball all over the place when I warmed up. It led to my eventual downfall when my shoulder gave out by the time I was 14. So much for heroes! :-)

I guess you never considered throwing the knuckler.

I never could pitch; I was an outfielder. I had a problem with depth perception. No problem during day games, but I couldn't play during night games. As I got older, more of my games were played at night. I had to give up playing baseball, but I never lost the love for the game.

Heh. I was blind as the proverbial bat, so all I could do was pitch. Couldn't catch fly balls or hit, and I ran like Rocky Colavito. I played a lot of community recreational ball and also sandlot pick-up games. One of the benefits of being a Boomer was the sheer number of kids in the neighborhood. There were usually enough kids to field a couple of teams, although some positions had to do double duty. :-)

I understand completely. I get my call at about 4 a.m.

First, let's not forget the late great Tim Wakefield, Red Sox.

Funny, now that I have a colostomy, I do not find myself always hyper-aware of the nearest bathroom locations.

As for sleeping... yeah, what's that? Mine seems to do all its work, or most anyway, at 3 AM. Lol