Dating with an Ileostomy: When and How to Tell Potential Partners?

Hi,

I have had my ileostomy now for 7 years, and it's doing great, and so am I now after almost dying a couple of times before it. However, I have tried the dating sites and tried to meet people. I have tried not telling them right away and waiting until they get to know me a bit, and I have tried telling them right away. Every time, once they look it up, they run, and I never hear from them again. It's getting quite disappointing for sure. I have a lot of love to offer the right person, but they never stick around long enough to find that out. I'm starting to wonder if there are any men without them that aren't so shallow they don't want to see me for me, not for my pouch! :(

Any suggestions? Sadly, I am way up here in VT, and there's no one on here from anywhere around me. And 7 states away is pretty hard to maintain a relationship even if it happened. Just looking for some advice. I refuse to give up trying, but it gets very disappointing after a while.

 

Thanks,

PAS

Hey. No worries. I already know! 😀

Right, it's like we are banned to the island of misfit toys. 😳

 

If someone is going to judge you like that, heck with them!

Everybody goes to the bathroom, how they do it shouldn't even be a concern if someone cares about you.

Hello Pas.

Who are you interested in?

A fellow osty or non-osty? 🤔

If you are on other dating sites, you are searching for non-ost mates. Nothing wrong with doing that.

I am doing that as well. 👍

Someone interested doesn't have to be several states away. A few hours at most, nor needs a bag or not.

It's good you started this thread. Read a few of mine. 😇

ttyl. 😉

"I refuse to give up."

Very admirable. 😊

V.J.

 

I would say in general... it's harder when we're older to meet people and make friends.

I tell everyone I have a stoma. Even give them a peek at it if they like. I was at a restaurant yesterday ordering dinner. On my long drive home from work, I undid the Velcro on my support belt. Well... forgot about it. After I ordered dinner... realized I had a long "tail" beside me. The waitress just stared. People behind me in line backed up a step. I just said "oopsie." Pulled my shirt up, straightened the belt, and reconnected the Velcro. There was silence while I sat in the waiting area. I just love being the life of the party.

Hang in there.

Hee hee. You mean center of attention there, buddy? You deserve a chocolate treat for that performance.

Gives new meaning to "he's got great tail."

Word? VJ. What the heck is the photo of?

Looks like a high-tech lathe?

Wife had See's candy box out when I got home. Munched a few chocolate-covered peanut lovelies. Didn't tell her about my "tail" incident. She takes an occasional dim view of my antics. Worst one... the other day she asked, "How's the stoma doing?" I pulled up my shirt and said, "Check it out... looks great." Despite being a devout woman of faith, she let loose with a few choice words.

Don't give up, he's out there. You will find him when you're least expecting to. I have dated a couple of non-ostomates. They were very accepting of my ileostomy. The people you met just were not the right ones for you.

Thanks…

I put them on a “too shallow for me list” 🤭

I'm just looking for the right person to love me. I don't care if he's an ostomate or not. 🤷‍♀️

 

It is called a Linotype machine, Warrior.

Used in the printing industry for many, many decades. Replaced by computers nowadays, of course.

The machine was invented by a watchmaker back in the horse and buggy days.

It was a breathtaking invention for its time... totally changed the printing/newspaper world.

If you ever get the chance to see one operating, please take it.

There are still some around in museums, etc.

Or just Google.

Keep well.

V.J.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vermont is not that far from NJ. 😉

Good luck with your search. I think Australia is a bit far as well. Regards, Iggie

G-Day Warrior,  Your only about 300 miles from her. You could leave every Friday Night and spend the weekends with her. Two old bags together, your made for each other.  Regards IGGIE

🤣!

Pas, from your photo we can tell you are beautiful inside and out. There are so many ways around our ostomies when it comes to romance, just try to keep that concept in the forefront.

Agreed🥰

Allo mate. Agree...

Yes, it is a doable drive. I have driven it before...

Time will tell. 💁

Hey, V J... Thanks for that explanation.

Looked like something out of an alien movie... or high-tech lathe... 3-D machine... cool.

There is a certain admiration looking back on these old beauties, much like muscle cars back in the day, on today's roads.

Well put, PAS. 😍

Watching to see how this turns out and if Warrior is willing to take the chance….

Hi PAS,

I don't think we're being fair to those guys and gals who want nothing to do with dating an ostomate. We all have personal preferences in mind when we look for a partner, and there's nothing wrong with that. Having an ostomy moves us out of the 'normal' category when it comes to dating, and many folks just aren't interested, as there are plenty of normal fish in the sea. That's their option, just as it is yours not to date someone that doesn't meet your definition of 'normal'. It's human nature to fear what we don't understand, and few have had any reason to understand what having an ostomy entails.

And that's exactly why I don't recommend telling your dates about your ostomy immediately when you first meet them. They probably know nothing about an ostomy, so it's important that you SHOW them that it's not a big deal. They're going to form an opinion about this new 'ostomy' thing based on how it affects you. If you act like it's no big deal and just a minor inconvenience... that's how they'll view it too. But if it's the first thing you talk about and something that always occupies your mind... they're not going to want to deal with it. It's your job to sell them on the fact that they're not dating an ostomy with a girl attached to it, but rather a gal who just happens to have something a little different about her, but it doesn't rule her world. Remember... guys don't like competition!

So next time you're interested in someone just stay mum on the subject until you're comfortable with him and you're sure he has a genuine interest in you. Then when he finds it or it comes up in conversation just do like I do and say something like 'oh that... don't worry, it's not permanent... it's just 'till I die'... then smile and move on to another conversation. Remember... it's no big deal. And it won't be.

;O)

Moves have been made, but it appears to be a silent movie. 😔

Thank you :)

Thank you :) I'll sure give that a try next time around.

I want a full update on this. Regards, Iggie

Newly single, I fear for my future even more when I read posts like this. But I guess if they are like that you don't want to date them anyway. That doesn't make it hurt any less.

Never lose hope! Something good will happen! I know this! 😸