Dating with an Ostomy: Seeking Advice and Support

Hi, I have had my ostomy for over ten years now, and I haven't had a successful relationship since. I'm not dating at all for over a year now after being rejected by the last man I was interested in. I irrigate, so I'm able to hide it pretty well with shapewear or a corset, so intimacy is not an issue. It's that I have the condition, and when I irrigate, which is once or twice a week, it's messy and gross. I don't know how I could have a regular boyfriend again, or get married or anything. I feel like I'm going to end up alone for life, and I'm terrified of the pain of rejection. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome.

I married and dated non-ostomates. Men are out there that don't care that you have an ostomy. I have an ileostomy. You may get rejected by wearing a bag, but you wouldn't want them in the long run. Take a chance and be more confident.

Had my colostomy for over 30. I had been married long term, now single and dating. Many men just do not care. Keep trying, keep a positive attitude. Take your time getting to know the person. Look for a kind, compassionate person.

Every "no" puts you closer and closer to the "yes" you are looking for. Stay in the arena because there is someone for you. I was once advised that "one of the tragedies in life is to not be prepared when opportunity knocks." Don't miss out on a great spouse because you had given up. An ostomy allowed us to keep living. Live your life to the fullest with this second chance.

Hi. Please, please don't let wearing and having a pouch define who you are. You're an empowered woman who should be making every day count and enjoying life to the fullest. Go for it. Be that warrior woman that you are. You've got this. 💪🌈

A couple of singers in years gone by included the following lyrics in one of their songs:

"Like Columbus in the olden days

We must gather all our courage

Sail our ships out on the open sea

Cast away our fears

And all the years will come and go

Take us up, always up

 

We may never pass this way again

We may never pass this way again

We may never pass this way again"

The thing about the open sea is that occasionally you will encounter rough waters. But you have to keep sailing.

 

Why is it messy and gross? Do you have guys watch you do it? Anyone going to the bathroom, whether having an ostomy or not, is not at their most attractive level while doing their thing. If you only empty once or twice a week, there's no way it's grosser (if that's a word 🤷‍♂️) than all of us going multiple times per day. I'm guessing there is way more to it than that. Have you not dated in over a year by choice or has nobody asked?

Seals & Crofts? 😊

Yes, they were the singers of this song, which I always enjoy listening to.

Thought so. Enjoy your day!

Jeff

There is a site called Osto Date you could try.

Same with me.

I'd go out with you. You see my pics. I irritate every day. I hide things very well also. Many ladies like me, I think, but when I tell them about my ostomy, it just goes downhill 😌😓

Sincerely,

Tom

You "irritate" every day? No wonder you're looking for dates 😁🤭 Sorry, just messing with you. I'm impressed you're willing to go from Florida to Idaho to take her out on a date. 👍

💩I can't even get a date in my local zip code and Tommy going to Idaho makes me jealous.

Go for it, dude. You never know.