Feeling Insulted by TV Program "Undateables" - Are We Really Undatable?

I recently watched a program on TV called "Undateables." The program features people with disabilities. There was a lady who had an ileostomy and felt that due to her pouch, she would never find love. The presenter explained that having a disfigurement meant the majority of men wouldn't be interested in her.

I had my ileostomy when I was 18. Yes, it was hard to get over it, but never have I felt undatable! Maybe a challenge, but I'm as good as anyone else! Yes, I've met some nasty men who think it's an eyesore having a plastic bag strapped to me, but shame on him.

I can wear nice underwear and hide my pouch. I once went on a dating site and enjoyed the fact that no one knew my secret. Whoever chooses to be with me has to be very special! Isn't that a good thing?

Does everyone else feel that they are no different from anyone else, or is it just me who is confident and proud of my little poop bag?

To have a TV program advertising that we are undatable is disgraceful. Or are we undatable?

There is someone out there for everyone just waiting to be found.

I guess so!! Tick tock tick tock

Yes, the clock always ticks.

I've recently been through rounds of interviews looking for a new job, not once did anyone notice I have an ileostomy. If I don't want someone to know, they won't. I've seen people surprised when they found out I have one, after seeing me go about my business at work. Dating could be a different challenge, because at some point the other person is going to find out. If you can prove to appear as though everything is normal underneath, I like to think the vast majority of people would be willing to look past it. This is where we as ostomates need to advocate for ourselves. We are not dirty or stinky; in a lot of cases, we are healthier than we were before we had our ostomies done. I don't like the negative stigma, but ultimately it is our responsibility to show what we can still do and educate those around us so that they understand.

Staying Hydrated with an Ostomy with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Here here!!!

I never realized this until five years after my op that I'm now a better person! We are very special people who have been given a chance in life!

That is a big degrading! I have never been in the dating scene with an ostomy and can imagine it to be somewhat difficult at times because of shallow people. My husband has UC. That is difficult too and I never blinked an eye!

Shame on the TV program! We should all write them! Lol

Puppyluv

Yes, that was a degradable program! The nasty men are doing you a favor by letting you know up front what creeps they really are!

Wish I was standing in front of that presenter so I could pull my top up and flash my bag and say "It's full of sh*t like you"!!! I've been around ileostomies all my life. My dad had one long before I was born, and I've had mine since I was 19. That was 30 years ago, which makes me feel very old lol. So I see them differently than how a lot of people do. Dad was the best example anyone could ever have to show you can do anything and more than someone who has a working colon! I've always been a bag man and proud of it!!! It's never gotten in the way of relationships. In my younger days, there may have been a few occasions when I didn't have time to say I had an ostomy (blushing) lol, and it wasn't a problem....I like to brag about my ileostomy on a few groups, nothing to do with ostomies, just for awareness, not pity!!! To show if anyone needs an ostomy in the future, temporary or permanent, they can live their life just the same as anyone with a colon does....and I know I'm the luckiest person in the world to be given another chance to live....1 Life, live it, never let a stoma rule your life

This is so good to hear! I've had my urostomy since I can remember and ended up pretty depressed at different stages in my life thinking it's not possible to have a partner or even be more outgoing, I'm 29 now and feel a lot different mostly because of a change of job and surrounding myself with different people, it's great to know others can be this confident about having something similar.

Does everyone have their stoma on the right side of the body, just wondered

My stoma was on my right side.

I seem to think most are.

Mine is on the left!

Thank you for that puppy x

My ileo was on the right but I had resection surgery last April and now mine is on the left, after 30 years. On the right, it was awkward having it on the left.

:)

Mine was on the right until after a failed reversal....it has been on the left for 18 years now.
I have an ileostomy. Cheers everyone!

On the right

Isn't it because of how the colon sits and the small bowel starts

I'm left-handed so before my stoma nurse drew all over me with a circle on the right side in ink, I was very tempted to rub it out with my finger!!!

So it seems to the right, well if anyone meets anyone, it should not get in the way, so to speak.

It's not just a matter of the ostomy. There will always be TV programs that are exploitative in order to try to catch an audience - and we all know who that audience is: people who feel so bad about their own self-image, they need to see others they think of as "inferior" or "undatable" so they can feel better about themselves. In a way, it's a whole segment of the population that has absolutely nothing to do with me or my ostomy or my life. Life is too short to get upset about those people! If you need to get it off your chest, write a letter to the show, stating that their show is demeaning, exploitative, insensitive, and bullying, and you are taking note of their advertisers and will avoid their products. Do NOT say it is because of labeling people with ostomies as undatable - it is because they are labeling anybody as undatable. Because if you object to ostomates, but not to the others with disabilities being called that, you are being as insensitive as they are! I'll just bet somebody in a wheelchair right now is seething because they labeled a wheelchair-bound person "undatable"! And so on and so on, round and round. In a way, I feel sorry for those whose world is so constricted; mine certainly isn't! And, ps, my husband doesn't mind my ostomy a bit, and we have an active romantic life.

Usually ileostomies are on the right and colostomies are on the left.

You seem very sweet and nice. I'm sorry you are single. I'd be honored to be your date.

You are gorgeous! You remind me of a young woman I dated in college. I think we have to be more outgoing than usual to get noticed sometimes. I would date you in a heartbeat if we lived on the same continent!

My urostomy stoma is on my left side. It used to be on my right side, but I had to have a complete revision and now it is on my left side.

This is nonsense. A pragmatic approach would be a good idea. Not all blokes will like the idea, ditch these and move on. Others will be curious, and others fine. There is a discussion as to when to mention it. I mentioned it when things were getting romantic (led to marriage). Others say mention early, I'd advise giving them a bit of time to get to know you as you. It may become apparent by illness and treatments etc, so those could be a lead-in. Do not appear obsessive about it, but laid back. Your approach to it may influence their approach. Hope this helps.

Mine is on the right.

Thanks Mariposa x

Been on 5 dating sites! No problems with bag!

My ileostomy was on the left. I just had it reversed after 8 weeks and still have many bowel issues. I personally don't think I would have been able to date with my current health issues. I'm thankful for a very caring and patient husband who has kept my spirits up this year. He made me feel beautiful no matter what I felt like or looked like.

I think the show "Undateable" sounds like it exploits people with all types of disabilities. I have never seen it and don't want to.

Just the title... it sounds comparable to "Unlovable" which of course no one is!