GRATITUDE

Hello Andrea.
Thank you for your posts. The length and depth of your replies are not as important as the thoughts behind them, as the short ones are important in order to let me know that you are still reading and interested in the concepts.
The longer ones are brilliant because you are a good writer and grasp what is useful to give me insight into the details of your thinking and your progress in applying the ideas. I do understand that it takes time to formulate and write down what you are thinking so I'm not expecting lengthy posts in response to each concept. It's just helpful if you let me know when you have read them, then I can delete the photo graphics as we go along.
Best wishes
Bill

Hello Angelicamarie.
I have deleted the posts dated 30th Nov. as you requested.
It is appreciated that you are still following the blog and I look forward to reading any comments you may have at all. Whether they are to do with the models or anything else.
Best wishes
Bill

Bill, I do read your writing. I just haven't commented. Lemonlimeviolet seems to be helping a great deal. I'm sure it's time for you to dart out for work, Bill. I hope you have a good day. And I will read it again and make comments. Angelicamarie

Bill on human love: What do you do with the love when they are no longer here? You still have that love; what do you do? When it hurts so bad, how do you handle that? Angelica Marie

Hello Angelicamarie.
It is a very good question that you ask with regard to what we do with love when the object of that love is no longer with us. The short answer is probably that we 'suffer' from loss, bereavement and grief. The degree of suffering is often in proportion yo how much we loved and lost. However, some of it is down to how we think our way through such tragedies. I am reluctant to give advice on this or any other issue because I did not really come to terms that well with my own losses in the early stages.
My own strategy was to sink myself into work for almost 20hurs a day, which meant that I hardly had any thinking time left to mourn. The type of work I was doing was with other people who had bigger problems than I had so it took up a lot of emotional time and energy as well. It's not a strategy that I would recommend because the side effects are absolute exhaustion. However, looking back, I think I WOULD PROBABLY HAVE BEEN JUST AS EXHAUSTED with the overwhelming, out of control emotions. Eventually, time moves on and we learn to live with our grief. In my case it never went away, neither would I want it to because with the grief, comes the memories which I want to keep forever. Here is another reason to look carefully at my 'Aims For Today' list - which offers a way of focussing attention on a different type of 'love' that will not replace the old one but complement it in ways that helped me to move on.
Bereavement counselling can sometimes help with the process of adjustment but essentially coping with grief is a DIY process and it is notoriously difficult to find anyone with advice that really helps.
Best wishes
Bill

How to Manage Emotions with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Thanks, my friend. You see, you're not forgotten. I still think you are a very good writer, just going through some difficulties. - Angelica Marie

Bill, my son would be 37 years old, but he died and I have never stopped loving him. Somehow, I just learned to continue living, and I thought if my behavior continues, he won't be able to do his job wherever he is. So, I changed my mindset. I continued to miss him, cried a little, but it got better. But I will never forget him. When you lose a child, it's different from any other family member. I didn't receive grief counseling but did receive counseling. However, when my grandfather passed, it was totally different. I wanted to go too.

Dear Angelicamarie,
You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. It's so exponentially difficult when the pain of the fresh loss of your dear brother brings back the terrible feelings of losing your child. The verse I posted that you liked - Isaiah 41:10 - was recently shared with me by a dear friend whose 30-year-old daughter was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. The impact of the beginning line "Fear not" was more meaningful after studying Bill's concepts. It comforts me because I have found that we have some control over managing painful feelings. Not ignoring them... no, not that... but what I mean is that perspective and sequencing my thoughts in front of my emotion or at least in front of acting on my emotion... feels so much better. It balances my mind and heart and soul. The idea that I got was - well, maybe I won't be able exactly to "not fear" because after all, losing someone important in your life is a fearful thing - but the expression of that emotion doesn't have to be ruling me - it's hard but I could do it... by thinking about it in a different sequence - by talking to myself first... it quieted the fear and pain. My most sincere hope is for ease of your pain. You are a good person. I went online and saw that Walmart carries a necklace with this verse. If you want, the next time you go to the nail salon, maybe check out if your store carries it. I sent one to my friend from a Christian website, and she really loves it.
God bless you.
Andrea

Hi Bill,
Thank you very much for your detailed analysis of my Sue and Bob scenario. The really important thing I got from your post is comfort in the realization that the application of learned concepts and subsequent logical equation applies to all manner of emotional situations. I think I was doing well when the situation was obvious to me or when the emotion was big and current. But I struggled when trying to figure out how to manage a situation when it was more complex...or had undertones. So now I see how diagramming out the elements of really any situation is possible. I'm sure there are many more opportunities to implement this logical process. I'm glad I didn't know how to do it and kept getting it wrong and making mistakes actually. Because now I see it. I learned the difference. Thank you so much!
All the best,
Andrea

On a personal note - my first grandchild was born Monday morning. Gratitude and joy fill my entire being - a new life in the world and a grandmother who's lucky now to have some wildly positive rearing strategies to share!

Hello Andrea.
CONGRATULATIONS! with regard to your new grandchild. They are a great distraction throughout their childhood and, if you look carefully as they grow and develop, you will be able to witness the way they are taught to cope with basic frustrations that can lead to emotional outbursts. Many new parents quickly learn that positive 'distraction' is a useful technique when children are getting frustrated to the point of negative reaction. At this very early stage, positive distraction equates with THINKING about something else. It is the first easy stages of learning how to think in order to control wayward emotions. If the child learns it early, then the strategy stays with them for the rest of their lives and they practice it everyday without even knowing that they are doing it.
As you rightly point out, there are many opportunities to implement logic - because the process is THINKING and we all do it most of the time.
For what it's worth, I believe that implementing the 'Aims for Today' list when in the presence of children (or anyone else) presents then with the opportunity to be in the presence of someone with the best, therapeutic characteristics of a 'pet'. If the human being can fulfil this role, then they will have the greatest opportunity to be influential in the child's learning strategies.
I feel a quotation coming on from Rudyard Kipling's "If" poem:
"If you can keep your head when all about are losing theirs -----"
An apt set of verses which I would encourage anyone to read in its entirety if they are interested in Self-Organised Living And Reflecting. (SOLAR)
Best wishes
Bill

Good morning, Bill. I read what you sent Lemonlight Violet. Interesting, but as I said, you're a very good writer, my friend. Right about now, you're probably still asleep, about to emerge from sleep and get your day started. Take care of yourself, and have a great day, my friend. Angelica Marie

Lemon Limelight
Congratulations, Grandma, what an honor God has blessed you with. I'll never know what that love is like, but I'm so happy for you. I will ask about that necklace at Walmart, and thanks again for your kindness! Angelicamarie, the verse Isaiah 41:10 will always be etched in me. Thanks again.

Bill, thanks for sharing this poem. It's obvious that the writer touched on the delicate (and sometimes conflicting) emotions that we all know and experience so well. I struggle with body image and feel less feminine with the ileostomy for some reason. Thanks for sharing, Tiffanie
(Tpntiff)

Tiffany, good morning. I received your message. No, I don't show outsiders my bag. I may have shown maybe two people outside my family. A lot of people don't know. I really don't think people that haven't been there will understand. You must be very proud of your children. So glad you thought of me this morning. Have the best day that you can have. Angelcamarie.

Hello Tiffanie.
Thanks for joining in with this blog and I hope you have gained some insight along the way.
You are far from being alone if you suffer with body image. The cosmetic surgery business is earning millions out of all those people who are frustrated and disappointed with how they look. The 'moneymakers' have a vested interest in people being discontented because, the way they sell their products is to create discontentment and then sell you the idea that they have the solution to your problem (for a price!)
Discontentment is as much and emotion as any other and many people do not know how to control it without 'buying-into' the sales pitches which appear to promise 'happiness'. I have a whole series of theories on the futility of the pursuit of happiness, but I will not expound them here. However, what I will say is that the 'antidote' to discontentment must surely be 'contentment'. If only people would control their emotions, then they would become more contented with every aspect of their lives, including body image. Whether you wear a bag or not, the most lasting and endearing characteristic of any human being has got to be their personality. Good looks do not last, but personality can grow more and more positive with age and this is what intelligent, mature people look for in others. Beautiful people are only that way if their personality reflects their inner beauty. Otherwise, the image is superficial, shallow and does not stand the many tests of genuine 'worth' that life's problems can throw at it.
So many ostomates have posted on here saying that they are getting on with their lives without making a big thing about having a stoma. Getting on with their lives means they are involved with other things that they want to do, rather than worrying (another emotion) about the possible negative effects that surgery might bring. Focussing on the positives can help redress the balance of the negatives. After all, being alive surely beats the alternative and having a body-beautiful is far from being an essential ingredient in getting the best out of life. There is nothing in my 'Aims For Today' list that mentions anything about 'good looks' and if you see how the pet dog is loved for what it is (warts and all) you will begin to understand that being 'liked' ( or licked) is much more about what's happening on the inside of your head than outward appearances. Anyway, I have scanned through your photos and I can state with confidence (as a man) that your femininity is equal if not greater than many of the women who think they are beautiful. I can tell by the looks and reactions of others towards you that there is an inner beauty that goes more than skin-deep.
The bag can be a positive thing in our lives if we perceive it that way, so personally I celebrate the fact that the stoma has improved my life and I can carry on doing all those things that I want to do without the negativity that led to the operation in the first place.
Best wishes
Bill

Hi Bill, how are you today, friend? That was interesting, what you said. In the earlier year, I was more concerned with my physical being, but I'd rather have beauty within because it radiates outward. Angelica Marie

Hello Angelicamarie.
Thanks for your post. It is clear by the way you write that you do indeed have that inner-beauty that radiates from genuinely wanting to help lift the spirits of others. It comes across as a literary hug,a smile and a greeting that puts the message across that you wish people well.
So best wishes to you as well.
Bill

Bill, you're a sweetheart, my friend. I deleted it to start again. You have a good day at work!!!! Angel

Gdm my friend, how are you and your family? I hope you're well! I'm so glad I found this site, or I would have never found you! Have a good one! Angelicamarie

Hello Angelicamarie.
We are all fine and I hope you and your family are the same. You may well be glad that you have found this site but by doing so you have provided much pleasure to the rest of us in your communications and long may it continue.
Best wishes
Bill

Bill, you're a sweetheart, you say the kindest things. Thank you!!!! Angelicamarie

Hello Bill and Angelicamarie,
This is an incredibly important study. Each concept is beautiful in its own right. And each concept keeps building this amazing foundation for self-organized living (I almost typed "learning" - not a coincidence I think...) and reflecting.
Every morning now I start considering what's on my mind right away. It's almost silly but issues tend to "hide" from me so I've been trying to coax them out. Some days it goes better than others... some days it takes a longer time and some days the little suckers really hide. Those are the days a couple of glasses of wine in the afternoon take off the edge from the search.
But oh how much more pleasant and balanced it feels to be in control than a buzzy submission. So my point is that I'm finding that when the planning and thinking works - a whole bunch of other stuff falls into place. Or rather "FLYS"!!! Into place!!! That's one of the differences, isn't it?! You gain altitude in attitude!!
Today in what I've begun to think of as the morning "Board meeting of the Foundation" - members being Thought, Emotion, Feeling - Thought was really trying to overpower emotion on the issue (challenge! Opportunity!) for today... but the energy had a good stronghold within emotion. I found "time" factored in nicely! Patience played a part in accomplishing that diversion of energy and I discovered some very balanced approaches to my problem. Not sure how this works yet. Or if there is reliability to this factor of time-patience-waiting it out? I do find that "emotion" has the ability to win that power struggle. Certainly not as often nor as totally and completely as previous to receiving the gift of your concepts and theories.
And then I read concepts 14, 15, 16, and 17. Thank you, Bill. Those two little words just don't come close to expressing my deep appreciation for all your kind help.
In gratitude,
Andrea

Hello Andrea.
I had just finished replying to your post when the screen went blank and I lost the lot! Bless this modern technology. However, I will attempt to recall what I wrote before and do my best not to lose this one.
Firstly, I am pleased that you still seem to be getting something positive from the models.
I would like to try to address the problem of emotions creeping back into the field of play even when you are trying hard to THINK in order to control them. The tick is, not to think that you need to eliminate the emotions- Emotions are identical to INSTINCTS and these are the energy and motivating force behind all living creatures. ( fight, flight, freeze) Instincts evolved as survival strategies over millions of years and we are unlikely to rid ourselves of their habitual effects, no matter how hard we try. They are a 'force of nature' and like other natural forces you will not be able to stem their flow without building up huge amounts of pressure. All you can hope to do is to divert the energy from emotive action and guide it towards something more controlled and functional like THINKING. It is much easier for humans to learn the techniques of emotional control when they are very young (under 5yrs)and they learn good habits from the very start. However, older people can learn the techniques, as long as they recognise that their earlier 'habits' will need to be controlled as well. Many of the techniques for kicking all sorts of addictive habits are well documented and have a good success rate as long as people stick to the regime and practice. What we are doing is TRYING TO CONTROL THE FORCES OF NATURE and nature is a powerful force.
INSTINCTS are a primitive survival strategy for a primitive environment. Unfortunately, humans have moved on and made our environment almost entirely artificial. Instinctual responses can now be dysfunctional in this new environment where THINKING is required to survive at the levels demanded by the modern world. Interestingly, modern societies will sometimes incarcerate those who act on their instincts to the detriment of other members, either in prisons or in mental hospitals. But that's a different set of theories!
Back to the models:-
The next batch of models does not use napkin graphics to the same extent as previous concepts as they are more verbally descriptive - or in this case written down for you to read. I will post them as and when I have typed them up.
Best wishes
Bill

Hey friend, how are you? Are you all okay? Is the plumbing fixed yet? I hope all is well. I had a very difficult day, but it's still new. Keep me in your thoughts! Angelicamarie

Hello Angelicamarie.
We are still okay - apart from being cold. The plumbers come today (hopefully).
I hope your day gets better and I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and wish you well.
Bill

Bill
Good morning. Well, I'm hopeful that the plumber will arrive today and do the job. Because the weather is changing, I don't want you and yours to become ill. One can only take so much cold to the body. Your ostomate sister. Have a good day. I know until the plumber comes, it's not great, but hang in there! Angelicamarie

Hello Angelicamarie.
The plumbers are here at the moment so hopefully we will have hot water by the end of the day and maybe heating by the end of the week. It's not the best time of the year to be having this sort of thing done but the carbon monoxide alarm kept going off so it's as well not to take unnecessary chances.
Best wishes
Bill

Hi Bill,
I'm so sorry your heat is out. A week without heat sounds like a very long time, and I just really hope the repairman will fix it sooner.
Your concepts need to be in a book. I am not kidding. I was talking to a dear friend at a funeral this past weekend, and the poor girl has been struggling with depression for years. The conversation turned to "how do we fix this," and since you had mentioned in one of your posts that sharing the mini theories is a good way to reinforce what I'm learning, I took the liberty to tell her that I am getting better and that I came across some fascinating and effective research on the topic of emotional control - well, she just grabbed my arm and said, "Where do I get this book?". I only had about 2 seconds - mass was about to start - so I told her it was a blog, and the wind sort of went out of her sails. Of course, I couldn't do much justice because first of all, I know I struggle to understand things and also we had no time. But even at that, I could see hope in her eyes. I wish I could buy your book and send it to her.
Thank you for continuing to post and commenting on mine. I realize my grasp is weak (did you really present the 24 concepts in a two-hour session?) My god, I wonder how my brain would have handled that. I sincerely appreciate your continued attempts to steer me in the desired direction as well as dearly welcome advice for how to help build emotional stability in children.
On external conversations - I think there is a maturity element to our "conversational personalities" that impacts conversational relationships. I've been called a "doormat" because I don't "stick up" for my beliefs. I don't generally give my opinion on religion or politics because of what you've identified as bullying. And I don't "cave in" to someone else's opinion, I just cannot tolerate confrontation for no good reason. (And truthfully, it's very uncomfortable for me even when there is a good reason). I have no compulsion to sway people to my point of view, but that doesn't mean I'm not loyal to my positions. It comes across as aloof though, which I hate but don't know how to fix really.
I hope this post hits the board when I submit it now and doesn't do that "swoosh away" business. All the best to you. Try to get warm!
Andrea

Bill, see LemonLimeViolet recognized your gift, and to be self-taught, wow what a gift. I told you that you inspire me, and you honestly do, continue to write. You're very good and wise. Have the best day that you can have. AngelicaMarie