Exploring Gay Intimacy with an Ostomy Bag - Is it Feasible?

Is it still possible to have gay sex with an ostomy bag? Or must we now settle for cuddling, kissing and in general, pretend it doesn't matter? Because we all know it does matter.

Good question!

I was told never to put anything into your stoma, so there you go!

Pup

Hello BrooklynBlast. It is indeed an interesting question, which I believe will ultimately be answered by gay people themselves.

I feel sure that there will be many 'straight' people who simply do not want to think about this subject, let alone talk about it. Nonetheless, the question has been raised so, although admittedly 'straight' myself, I feel I should have a go at giving a considered hypothetical answer.

From  my perspective I would want to know if we are talking about anal sex or sex with the stoma. If a person is left with enough of an anal stump, then, after the healing has taken place, I cannot see any physical reason why the act of anal sex should not take place. If however, we are talking about sex using the stoma, then many complications may arise. The stoma is formed by stitching the colon to the outside skin. This inevitably forms scar tissue which is somewhat inflexible. Thus, anything larger than a finger ( or stools) that is pushed through/into the stoma is likely split the rim.

Having said that, I insert my finger in my stoma every day to see where my peristomal hernia has migrated to so that I can insert an irrigation tube. After irrigation I insert a stoma plug. There is therefore, something in my stoma continuously during the day. 

Years ago, when I had problems with my anus (scar tissue closed it up completely after surgery), they gave me a dilator to use each day, which helped to keep the hole open and to expand it slightly so that the faeces could exit. I now use a dilator to keep my hernia from closing over the hole inside the stoma and it does work to a limited degree. I would not recommend this method to enlarge the hole anymore than is necessary to have output.

Also, it is probably something that should be discussed with medical staff. My motivation for doing this was the thought that if something went wrong, I might perhaps find myself having to explain 'why' it went wrong at sometime in the future, if and when I might need their help to put it right. 

In summary: I feel it is very unwise to contemplate sex using the stoma. Anal sex is probably still possible, depending on how much colon has been left to form the anal stump. 

I feel sorry that you have felt the need to ask this question as it is something very personal which normally does not get discussed in an open forum. There are sometimes occasions when we feel the loss of something that we once had but now have no longer. We know that the mourning process can sometimes be helped by sharing and discussing our feelings with others (who are willing to listen empathtically). I hope that by joining in this discussion you can feel that there iare people who are willing to listen to your situation and contribute constructively to the contemplative process. 

Best wishes

Bill     

G'morning BrooklynBlast, I agree with Bill, you will probably get an answer from a gay individual. I find that whatever your sex preferences are, after such a surgery leaves all with issues. Some continue to be sexual and some cannot. I do hope you find solace!

Best wishes,

Angelicamarie

I would discuss this with your surgeon, he would know exactly how your anatomy was affected.

Staying Hydrated with an Ostomy with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Definitely a good question!

As most have stated --- check with your doctor first. But what comes to mind is the anal stump is not connected to anything anymore, so where would the ejaculation go? Float around your insides and possibly cause sepsis? Again, ask a doctor.

The stump is closed off to the peritoneal cavity.

If you or your partner still have your anus, I see no reason why you couldn't still have sex. Ask your doctor. If you're asking if you can use the stoma, that would be a no. That being said, you still have another option besides settling for just cuddling. Hang in there, having a stoma is not the end of your sex life.

Sick.

 Very constructive. Gezzzus

I wonder if the straight folk misunderstood your question? I think you are asking about having intimacy as a bottom. Not about using your ostomy for penetration. Would be nice to be able to have a private chat here!

I wonder if the straight folk misunderstood your question? I think you are asking about having intimacy as a bottom. Not about using your ostomy for penetration. Would be nice to be able to have a private chat here! P

In asking this question, I was in fact referring to anal sex. I would never dream of putting something (anything) into the stoma. Although Dr. did administer a colonoscopy in that fashion. nbsp

As far as my anus goes, I'm reluctant to even put a finger in there, much less anything larger. I suppose I was contemplating whether or not anyone else was experiencing this dilemma. You are all correct. I will put the question to my doctor when I see him next month.

As far as "sick" goes, aren't we all? Isn't that why we're here in the first place? It's such a shame we can't be open to each other and not have to be labeled in such derogatory terms.

I think the subject title was misleading. Perhaps it should have said, "Is anal sex still possible with an ilio?" I am using myself as an example. Having a colonoscopy yearly may not be the best example to use here, but I'm straight and can only offer it from this perspective to help. I wasn't aware they tie off the inside because I was still "pooping" without a colon. Color me stupid, but it has to be tied off inside. Next is the length. How much did the surgeon leave? How far up or inside did the doctor go? Luckily, I was told the stump is about six inches, which is left for possible reversal. I think of my butthole as an inverted test tube, so there is accessibility. But please check with the surgeon to guarantee the length of the stump so you have a reasonably safe length to go have fun. It shouldn't stop you.

I'd also like to say, upon reflecting on my answer above from yesterday, that it could be dangerous dealing with a loose stump inside your body. So the question begs, is it safe? Not so much if it's possible...

Dude, one bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch. Dig? This is the place to be for answers. No matter what the subject.

I was wondering if anal sex is safe after a colostomy reversal? I've read "no" but I'd like to hear what anyone else has read about. Thanks.