Returning to Work with a Colostomy: Seeking Advice

Hi fellow friends!

I have a colostomy and have had it for 6 months now. I am waiting for reversal and have been too paranoid about going back to work...

I am a nurse and love my job. I went back for a few shifts and developed such anxiety that I cried and went home! I felt like people were pitying me and saying, "Oh, you poor thing, are you okay?!"

Only a couple of my colleagues know that I have had to have a temporary stoma, but I'm sure word has gone around...

I would like to go back a couple of days a week until my next surgery, which is due sometime after this month, just so I can build up some money for next time off.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to overcome my paranoia so I can get back to what I love to do?!

JO xxxxx

That's a tough one, Jo. Paranoia isn't an easy thing to deal with. But in saying that, is it paranoia or just a lack of confidence? I know when I had my first ileostomy, it was hard to get back out there. Worrying what employers would say, being self-conscious when people stared at the lump in my shirt, etc. If, as you say, people say to you "you poor thing," turn it around, tell them "I'm not poor and I'm not a thing." Let them know that if it wasn't for the bag, you would be in a lot worse shape than you are now. Try and be strong and positive. For me, having the bag is more a blessing than a burden, and I have to admit it feels good when people say they admire my courage and attitude. I hope you can come to terms with this; nothing feels better than being knocked down, getting back up, and getting on with it. Hugs to ya,

Take care, Steve

Very well said, Steve! Jo, I have found in my life that it is more difficult to deal with mental or emotional anguish than it is physical. I made a choice many years ago, when I was going through an ugly divorce, to deal with my emotions without meds, which is probably the hard way to do it, but I felt that if I had gotten myself into my way of thinking, then I was the one that needed to get myself out of that way of thinking. I have learned to redirect and refocus my thoughts whenever I have felt overcome by fear, sadness, or any other negativity. Believe me, I know that is a lot easier said than done. But it is what has worked for me. I cannot say if it will work for you or anyone else. Sometimes, professional help is needed. But Jo, try not to worry yourself with what others are thinking, because more than likely, they are not. And so what if they are? Really, I think we have all got so many things going on in our lives that we don't have time to dwell on everyone else's problems. And honestly, even if we have a pouch on our side, I think we are all better people having gone through what we have gone through.
Jo, it takes time for all of us to get to a point where we are mentally and emotionally accepting of our physical changes. I am sure it took me at least two years. I've noticed it takes less time for some and longer for others. If you're not comfortable at this point going back to work, then wait. Wait until you have peace about it. I get long-winded, so I will not go on and on, but just to say, think on the positive, fight the negative, and we are here for you.
God bless you, Debi

You felt like people were saying these things, but I doubt they were. When I came back to work, I was surprised by how many people were so pleased to see me back. I would imagine it will be the same for you.

As you are a nurse and working with other health professionals, they would know never to say anything awry and to be nothing but helpful and supportive. If you didn't have the pouch but one of your colleagues did and posted what you posted, what would you say to them...

I know it is tough mentally and some things can really grind you down, but as others will say, try and think positive as much as possible, though obviously there will be the negative times that you will have to get through.

There are lots of people here who will support you. Take care.

I think having the bag has given me an understanding of those with handicaps, any kind of handicap. I am now in a different area in my life, and anyone can be thrust into this at any time. You never know. At least you know yours can and will be reversed. I have two bags and always will. One leaks at odd times, the other fills up at odd times. I have been back at work since last September and would have it no other way. When I am at home, I just dwell on my troubles; at work, I am like everyone else to strangers who don't know. I like that. I am a survivor...and really, that is something to be proud of; no one pities me for that. I try to see each day as a gift and live it that way. What other people think has no effect on me anymore, less than before the surgery. I hope you find the strength to handle your fears; I know it is very hard.

Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

Dang, I remembered the panic attacks returning to work and school. Not so much at school because they didn't know the details, but they did where I worked in healthcare.

Can you get scheduled on a different unit for a little while, if not permanently? Or maybe sneak in some agency home health work?

I saw doctors outside of my network to make sure my records weren't housed among the nosy Medical Records people and nurses (no offense I hope). Let's face it. Health care workers are a nosy, gossipy bunch.  

I transferred my records out of that facility to another. I later switched from ob/gyn to information systems. The main thing is that I needed to be in control of something.

Now they don't see my disease first, but my skills as a co-worker.  It's nice.

Yanno, as I'm reading this, I have a song going around in my head,
I think it sums up how I feel about everyone and how much I care for all of yas. Big hugs and love from the big short man down under


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Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me...

Steve. I am sure the feelings are mutual.  You and others have helped in the healing of many a person on this site through your caring and understanding hearts.  You have been a strong support and encouragement.  We ALL need that from time to time.  Thank you.

You're welcome and honestly, helping people tends to help me when I'm having bad days. A kind word here and encouragement there isn't that hard really; it's a pity more people in the world didn't try it instead of fighting each other all the time. I hope I'm a better person for meeting the people on this site. So much adversity and struggle, yet we all still have time to help each other. We should make it into a mini state and secede from wherever we live, lol.