Letting Off Steam Again: Seeking Acceptance and Confidence

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Well, here I am again, letting off steam; hope you all don't mind.

I know I wasn't at the front of the queue when God gave out looks, and the body, come to that, but I do look in the mirror and occasionally think, "I'm not that bad."

I want to be sexy, I want to be wanted

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But all I think is, how the hell will that happen when I've got this stuck on my side for the rest of my life? I know I'm lucky, like us all, to be alive, but at this moment in time, I don't feel lucky.

Over the past 3 years, I feel luck has not been on my side.

Am I wanting too much? It's not just me being single and out there looking; it's about thinking who's going to accept me for me, stoma and all.

After a pretty shitty start to my weekend, I decided to go out Saturday with "the girls." I had a couple of men approach me, asking if I wanted a drink, etc. I went into some mode I have never seen before, head down, standoffish. Why? I feel so comfortable chatting on here; I can be myself. Why can't I be like that in this big open world we live in?

Well, girl, I hear you loud and clear. I also feel the same way. You're young and attractive; I'm sure you'll do fine. They do have pretty covers up in your area in Canada. I haven't seen anything like that. I'm not a seamstress, or I'd be copying some of those covers. Maybe I could get the pattern. Hmm, I would even like a better picture of it.
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Honey, you are very beautiful and you have more 'worth' and value than just appearance... and anyone who is selfish enough to not see that is not worth your time anyway.

There are many ways to cover your stoma and your pouch if that time comes, be creative and have fun with it, sweetie... everything from ostomy pouch covers, if you like them, otherwise tube tops... or... go my route and find another excuse to shop for hot-looking corsets and bustiers and lacy waistbands, peek-a-boo panties, etc... I find and even recreate some of the cute stuff I purchase at Hot Topic stores... doll yourself up and smile and go have some fun! ...this coming from someone who felt very much the same as you for a very long time... and it was wasted time, sweetheart.

Don't be like your big sister Wounded Doe here and 'hide'; you are too valuable and there is a big world out there waiting for you!
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Even 'I' am DONE hiding... people want to know you, dear... anyone who doesn't accept everything about you is not worth losing sleep over... don't spend time worrying about them... smile and be happy and think about all the people who DO and WILL accept EVERYthing about you... you're gonna be ok, sweetie. Feel free to write me if you're feeling blue... I know it's not easy... we're all in this together and you have a lot of support here
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~Hugs from your Doe

Tine,
You are absolutely gorgeous looking, please don't focus on "this thing on your side", I fully understand this phase but you know what? I am no beauty and am a widow of 62 but still find men want to know more about me and when I tell them I sort the wheat from the chaff.
I have had a few relationships which have failed because of my honesty, but now special ones with those who know about "the thing on my side" and take it in their stride! Not that these are especially romantic relationships but that is due to my reticence, but they haven't run away, far from it, and I am not as beautiful as you.
Gain confidence by checking out the clothes on the White Rose selection, swimsuits, fantastic nightwear, I never dared to contemplate these sexy numbers before my surgery!!!
You are beautiful, absorb that thought, you are a desirable woman. The thing on your side is not an obstacle to a true, loving and forever relationship.
Continue to look as beautiful as you are and hold your head high, never be ashamed, be honest, that's what good men find irresistible,
Good luck
Tippitop

WARNING: MALE POINT OF VIEW!
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Ok Tine, I reckon you're beautiful. Nice to look at, and from your posts, you have personality. Blokes don't know what they're missing out on, girl. As for all the other beautiful ladies in these forums, never sell yourselves short. Sure, you have a bag or maybe 2 hanging off your once flat bellies, and sure, you think they look ugly. But in my opinion, if I was to meet a girl I thought looked nice and turned out to be nice, and I then find she has to crap or pee in a bag, then my answer would be "so f*****ng what? There's more to a person than the way they do their toileting. I think you all need to look again and see the lovely people you are.

I met my current wife on the internet many years ago before I had a bag. I finally met her in person after having a bag on for 2 years. She didn't even see it. Sure, she says my shit stinks, which I deny with a passion, lol, but the thing is, I wasn't looking for anyone. I was living with someone, yes, but we had come to an agreement that we were no longer together, yet in the same house. Worked fine with me. So my point is, stop stressing yourselves over finding someone. Get out there and live life, and let them find you. One thing about that though, you actually have to get outside and be seen. So come on, my beauties, get out there and live life like it's your last day on earth.

Love to you all,
Steve

How to Manage Emotions with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

http://www.stomaatje.com/clothing.html


I'm no seamstress either but these are so easy to make (on the link above) and I have made many (almost enough to match every outfit!) and any type of material can be used.

With regards to meeting someone I think it's hard out there for any single girl (ostomy or not) to meet a good 'un but as Steve (Gus) said, get on out there girls!
I found a good 'un when I wasn't even looking for one!  

Cheers me dears!    

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Hey Steve, I do love you! Your views are so wonderful. I too am not looking for anyone but do need to be out there more. I tend to shy away from a relationship because of my little fella, as most Aussie men think if you cannot sit on the beach in a bikini or have sex, they don't want to know you. Well, I can sit on the beach in a bikini and do this when I want to, but do get some funny looks from other people on the beach, for some funny reason... LOL

I am proud to be an ostomate and tell anyone I wish to. So Tine, don't shy away from a relationship if one is on the horizon. All I would say is, be honest with yourself first, if you don't like or have your female instinct working and don't feel good with the fella, do what you need to do. It will not be the first man you will ever meet to have a relationship with.

I choose to be single because of my other medical problems and my lack of ability to have intimate moments... You know what I mean.

Anyway, GO FOR IT GIRL! Show the world you are not ashamed of having a lifeline connected to your beautiful belly!!!

JAx

Smile and think we are the normal people, and others without stomas are abnormal!!!

WARNING: BLOKE'S OPINION

Actually, having looked at your photos  I would say 'yeah, she's quite fit' - (please don't take that as sexist or that every time I see a girl I think...)

However, I do know what you mean. If I didn't have a bag but met someone who did  I would like to think it wouldn't put me off. All my female friends have said it wouldn't put them off and when I say 'no, I'm off the market, it's not going to happen,' they just say well that's your choice...

Shame really as a woman once commented that I have 'an eye for a pretty girl.'

Surviving cancer is a bit of a double-edged sword.

Though not everyone is this considerate, the ones who will judge you poorly for having a stoma are usually the same people who have a string of 'exes', all dismissed because of superficial and inconsequential imperfections. These people are not worth losing sleep over, and they will learn the hard way that there are few real people who look like Lara Croft or Superman, and that there is more to life than mere aesthetics.

I learned long ago that I will never be anything other than myself, and there will always be people who cannot or will not accept that. But an ileostomy is not a character flaw that I should strive to fix for the good of mankind, so it is their problem - not mine.

In a perfect world, everyone would love each other unconditionally, Barbie would have cellulite and be a size 16 - but we don't live in that perfect world, just one where perfection is admired.



tine,  miyzy, you're perfect just like all of us

Ha... I don't look like Barbie, but I do have a Barbie butt; does that count?
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Damn straight it counts, not as much as the whole you. It's not as if we don't have to go through enough shit, but to have to put up with uneducated people who have faults galore, just hang in there. The partner you seek won't come to you, so you have to go where they are. If the mountain won't come to Mohammed... And good hunting
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Ed

Tine;

I'm the partner of someone with an ileostomy, and I know it might not help you to hear this right this minute, but it's true what they say when they tell you that it only limits you to the degree with which you'll allow it. I don't say that to be insensitive or mean (that's totally not my intention)!

Also, I took a moment to peruse your member profile page and if it counts for anything, I'd say you're quite a hottie. And yes, I totally mean that.


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Tiggy

--------agrees with what Tiggy said,,

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I agree with everyone on here. You are a beautiful girl. Even that being said, we all have insecurities and I think having these ostomies makes them magnified at 1000%. It sucks.

I was so scared to have sex with my boyfriend because I was certain he would find me sickening or gross...honey, was I wrong!! lol Not one thing changed at all and I quickly realized that it isn't about being a man or woman, single or married, but it is who you allow into your life.
The majority of people are good, men and women. There will always be the assholes who are so friggin superficial that they cannot see "beyond the bag". Good for them, let the assholes have one another and I wish they never have a car wreck, bad surgery, or any other medical issue that makes them less than perfect to another person.

This is where our inner strength comes from, this is where we have to dig down deep inside, where we didn't know we had that one little scrap of strength left and pull it up and say to ourselves, "Yano, I may not be perfect, but I am perfect for someone out there."
You keep strong and you keep telling yourself how worthy you are of being treated with respect and being worshipped by that one man who really deserves to be in your presence.

You all are such wonderful people
Miyzy, I see a job there, I will be spending lots xx
Wounded Doe, your words touch me so very much, had tears rolling, will write to you very soon xx
Tippitop, thank you so much, I will get there, with all your help and support xx
Steve, another person that brings tears to my eyes with your words xx
J.Maree, just what I need, gonna get my mum to get the sewing machine out xx
Jax, time for me to accept, then I will be ready xx
Lobster, "quite fit", many years since being told that, lol
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We will both find that "special one" xx
Panther, thank you soooooooo very much, our chats have helped so much xx
Gutenburg, I will find the one, I will start hunting xx
Tiggy, I know you're not being mean, understand completely xx
Tx girl, got to dig deep but hopefully inner strength is there... somewhere xx

I wish we were all so much closer, meetings etc would be fantastic.
Been such a rough few years but I know will get there one day, will find them big arms wrapped around me and that smile on my face and dream of the day that I can look back on all this and smile
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Love to you all
xx

well if you get across the pond look me up

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Hey, you know what would be cool? If we could all meet in one spot, have a meet and greet once a year. People from all over the world get sponsors, set up talks, get companies to sponsor hotels. It would be great advertising for clothing wear. Get where I'm going with this? Any more thoughts on this?

yeah, count me in, I'm always up for a road trip and even the flimsiest of reasons is good enough to justify the cost.

Hi guys and gals - it is something I have mentioned before - do we not know an ostomate who owns an airline and a chain of nice hotels? I'd be up for it too... lol

I know the UOAA (link uoaa.org/)  has a conference every 2 years (and have heard that they are an absolute blast) and I am sure those on this site who have been to one could give us more info but this is the next one:-



Aug 7-11, 2011 • Third National UOAA Conference • John Ascuaga's Nugget Hotel, Reno NV

LOL  you know I just love that terminology "Barbie Butt"  I had never heard of it until I joined this site lmao ...

I hope you're feeling better about things today, I want you chipper and giggly sweet sis!

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