Discussing Intimacy Issues with an Ileostomy

I would like to talk about intimacy with an ileostomy.

It seems like most sites shy away from this topic, but I know it is one of our biggest concerns. I would like to hear from men and women how they handle this delicate issue.

Hi Vic, I tried to respond to your message, but the site will not let me since I do not have full membership. I started dating again after being married for 20 years. Very scary at first, my first experience with sex was horrible; the person was very shallow when I told him about having an ileostomy. I could tell it repulsed him. There are mini pouches that you can purchase that do not get in the way of intimate moments. I did get lucky and met someone who is very accepting of my ileostomy and even asks questions about it and what it was like having ulcerative colitis. I would like to correspond with someone who has an ileostomy. I have had mine for 16 years now and consider myself very helpful with questions. As far as sex goes, you can usually tell by the expression on the potential partner's face if they are accepting or not. Respond if you get the chance.

Intimacy is a state of mind. If you feel sexy and your partner makes you feel sexy, then anything is possible. In my previous relationship, I found that stores such as Matalan stock sexy large underwear that conceals an ileostomy bag great, and there's always the option for the more daring of crotchless undies. For men, I'm not sure, but my ex-partner never had an ostomy bag and half the time still kept his T-shirt on, so I imagine that's an option for people who don't want to reveal their bag. xx

thanks for your comment sadie

Vic

Hello Vicbear13,
I am new to this site and currently cannot afford a membership to send you an email. However, from my own experiences, my ex-husband could not deal with my ileostomy, and at the time, I had just had the surgery and couldn't deal with my physical appearance as well. We ended up not making love for nearly 1 year. Once I got comfortable with my new body and its functions, we had no problem afterward in that department. But now I am divorced and don't know how to go about introducing my stoma and the attachments that go along with it to my new friend. I haven't been with anyone since my divorce because I had no interest. I wanted to love myself first and fully be comfortable with my new lifestyle. I'm sure there are going to be people who can't deal with it and run away as fast as they can, only because they are not educated about what the disease can do to a person. Personally, to those people, you aren't worth my friendship and love. Good luck and God bless!

Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

I also have had my bag now for 16 years. I know how hard it is to tell someone what you have or how to explain it. I waited 3 dates until I told him, and he was quite accepting saying, he like the rest of the package. Wow, did that ever make me feel good.