Morning Dimwit....... Sticky fingers

After 2 years of stomal bliss... a new experience.
Awoke really early.  Warm, snug, and content.  Uninterested in exiting my cozy cocoon, I instinctively reached for the bag to evaluate status.  Damn!  Swollen like a ripe football.     I thought, lots of gas.  Without looking, grabbed the flange, cracked it open a bit.  Pressed on the bag to release......... let's just say...... wasn't gas.  Hooolyyyy Patooooey.  Sticky fingers were a dead giveaway.  I had released......... a shit bomb. 😵   
I've never had a leak.... so had nothing close at hand for cleanup.  With Mrs B remaining comatose, I twisted out of bed like an emerging grub.  Stumbling out without using my.... stained hands.  Bathroom inspection revealed the carnage. Drying poop sludge everywhere.  And the bag... Ominous......Foreboding.  Like a petulant thundercloud ready to blow.  Holding back the cloudburst; a lone IGGIE clip, handles flipped out.  Resembling a stubby finger, stuck in a leaky dike.
Then.... thunder.  My stoma, Cherry Bomb, began rumbling.  Long gaseous    reverberations, rippling in waves dancing across the bags' surface.  

Fortunately, my trusty 4 inch wide Nu-Hope belt (covered in poop too) secured the bag flange.  What... a..... mess!  I was able to drain the bag a bit.  Remove it and the flange. Took a shower, keeping a close eye on Cherry Bomb.  Got all nice and clean.  Prepared to prep a new flange.  As I got busy cutting the flange hole.  Cherry Bomb suddenly spouted a long gusher of soft poop.  Went everywhere.  Happened so quick, I couldn't grab a paper towel in time.
Evil thoughts occupied my noggin. 

This major leak happened because I was too lazy to get out of bed and inspect the bag.  I got way more than I bargained for when burping it in bed. 

I've said it before, I'll say it again:  Gotta be tough, to be an Ostemate.

Hello Beachboy.
I was going to write that I was sorry to hear about your bag episode but 'sorry' is not the term to fit what I really felt.
I certainly empathised and sympathised with your situation but mostly I was pleased and grateful that you shared the story so eloquently with us.
Because I have developed a very successful routine over the years I have tended to become overly complacent, which has resulted in there having been several incidents for me reflecting this sort of thing. 
Also, I have been taking a break from rhyme writing because of other life-pressures. However, your post has triggered the urge to write a rhyme about the dangers of complacency for ostomates, so it's not all bad.
Thanks for that!
Best wishes

Bill

 

Shit happens. 🤷‍♂️

Hi Beacher,

  That sucks!  Nothing gets your attention like checking your bag and finding a shit balloon ready to burst!  Your first thought is 'is my barrier holding' and your second thought is 'it's holding, but has it started leaking under the barrier'.  I feel for ya, Bro.  As bad as being short-gutted is.........there is a slightly silver lining in that I know the exact status of my bowels at any given time.  Since things process so quickly I know how long to wait before going to bed or doing something where I won't be able to empty, so I tend to forget that you guys with more guts don't really know when you'll have output.  And that must suck a bit.  I also rarely have any gas, as my bowel contents aren't in there long enough to ferment, so I also forget about that aspect of it too.  Seems every ostomate has a different set of problems to deal with.........but you're right......you gotta have a thick skin and sound mind to be an ostomate for any length of time! 

;O)

 

A really gross sense of humor is a great help, and someone to tell those gross jokes to.  Love this sight!

Living with Your Ostomy | Hollister