Living with a Bag: To Show or Not to Show?

I've had the bag a long time, and I've accepted it totally (apart from the odd snivelly moment), and it has never stopped me doing anything because I've been fortunate to be otherwise fit and well.
But
Apart from medical staff and my wife, nobody has ever seen it, and I have always preferred it that way.
When I played rugby, football, cricket, squash, swimming, etc., I was always discreet, and wore shorts in communal showers in order not to embarrass myself or others.
I always found this uncomfortable, as I had previously been fairly vain about my physique, and was a bit arrogant regarding other people's shyness.
I am now waffling.
What I would like to know is, do other people display their bags to strangers in these circumstances or in any other?
I am certainly not ashamed of my condition, but nor would I flaunt it.

I do not, and for a few reasons.



First, as you mentioned it could embarrass them or make them uncomfortable.



Second, I can't help but think of how it could/would change the dynamic of a friendship or working relationship. What amazed me when I was sick was how many people just quickly faded out of my life. People whom I thought were friends and would understand. That was quite a learning experience.



Third, I've had my spine fused in two spots and what really irked me was everyone saying "you've got a bad back", blah blah blah. I am healthier and stronger than most everyone I know and I do not want people to see me as sick or unhealthy. I can easily see people considering someone with an ostomy as ill, which is not true.



Fourth, I guess it's too personal a thing for me to flaunt around.



Well, that's just my take

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I hate this bag, so in the summer time, I wear boxing shorts with a high waistband so I can take my top off. It works well.

Well, personally I don't "show the bag," but I am somewhat reserved.
I am a cancer survivor, and if you mention cancer to anyone, they react
in different ways, but most will immediately distance themselves emotionally
from you. When I was in the early stage of my illness, this was hard for me
because I didn't realize that it's a normal reaction. The other reaction I don't care to experience is pity, again a normal human reaction.
I don't know if many have seen this young lady's profile, but I suggest you view it.
Here is an example of a very strong and confident person. Afraid I don't have the
(lacking a better word) balls to do this... but bravo to any who do.
I hope she doesn't mind me posting it.

https://www.meetanostomate.org/index.php?page=view_profile&id=1801

Thing is - I initially used Hollister bags, which were noisy and transparent plastic, so the contents could be seen, unpleasant for everybody. I then had some soft cotton covers made, but never would I display them.
It's bad enough when wearing trousers to have been embarrassed, when sitting in a bar with a fullish bag, and was asked by a friend's wife, "Wow, are you pleased to see me!"

Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Hey, I don't think I would have a problem if I were in a relationship where we might become intimate. I don't really know. My husband passed away before my ileostomy, but I know he would not have been put off. We were married for 33 years, and he treated me like a queen after I became ill. We spent a lot of years together, spatting and fighting the first few years but gradually becoming more in love and appreciative of each other. I feel in my heart, though, that if someone cares about you, the damn bag shouldn't matter.
Eddie

Hello, let me start by saying... I would drop the pants to show anyone if they wanted to see it... and I have many times. And many times I have had to reveal it when they least expect it, as people can be so rude. I am on a disability pension and getting on the bus one day, showing my pension card and saying where I wanted to go... Well, he sat up in his seat and moved the glasses down his nose to look me up and down and then asked again, "You're on a pension?" I said yes... he starts to shake his head... the bus was half full and I went to the waistband on my mini skirt and pulled an empty bag out of hiding... Needless to say, I got on that bus with no more hassles... AND he has been very polite ever since. Is it illegal or immoral for a person/lady to get dressed up nicely, albeit a bit sexy? Because the looks I get when I do is quite an eye-opener even for me. Another time I was asked if I was pregnant... lmao... all I said to that was, "Have you ever seen a one-sided pregnant woman?" Trust me -- he looked like he was thinking about that one. Since I have had this, I have surprised a lot of people with my attitude of who-gives-a-crap-what-anyone-thinks. Kinda hope my shock treatment will make others take more notice of what their body is telling them, saving them from the same thing. Okay, thanks for listening... Tara

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Eddie, 45 years married to me and still going, my loved one has never ever had a problem with the bag, which was massively helpful in me totally accepting it.
I'm really just provoking thoughts about people's attitudes toward public display.
Incidentally, does anybody have dreams or nightmares regarding the bag?
I have recurrent dreams where my bag is filling rapidly, I'm running, searching for the bog, I find one, then the door disappears, or the side wall, and I have to empty, then there's shizen everywhere: walls, ceilings, hands, face, etc.

I don't know if you read my blog or not, but I think that it sums it up in a nutshell. Ostomates are always concerned about displaying their bags in public. Sure, you do try to be discreet about it for your fears and insecurities of what people might think. It is a normal reaction, trust me! I used to worry about what people would think about me if they saw my bag. I have received certain looks and sometimes comments that at times could be rude. I gave up on what people think about it because their opinion does not matter to me anymore. If they can't accept you for who you are, like I said before, "SCREW THEM." It is a part of life and as an ostomate, we can't be ashamed of our ostomy. This isn't to be mean, but I am proud of my ostomy because it has made my life better. No more pain like I used to have. Sometimes my shirts don't cover my bag completely, as you can see in one of my pictures. I don't care if it shows; however, I make sure that it is always emptied and as clean as possible. So all in all, bag the embarrassment.
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Hi, in the first 12 months I was up and about. I thought of making a cover for mine, so I could still wear my bikini and not have to go to a full piece. What I planned was for the material cover to be connected to an ostomy belt somehow (lol), then I could forget about the granny undies and full-piece swimming costumes and so on. Lo and behold, the prototype looked just like a bum-bag. I hope you know what that is, or this is one weird conversation. Then, after giving it a bit of a run in my pool and around my home, what I found most annoying was the way it just dangled there, flopping around like a half-filled balloon. So out went that idea. Now I keep it close. As it is, I'm a lot like panhead. Great attitude by the way. Don't like me because I have a bag on my belly? Ring Life-line... they care... Mwah!!!

I have had to wear a bag since January 16 when I was operated on for colon cancer. I also enjoy going to nude beaches (Sandy Hook most times). Now what do I do? I have never seen anyone wearing a bag at any nude beach. Wearing a bag is still very disgusting to me, and I do not really want everyone to know that I wear one.
JayJay

I think this might be my first post and I realize it probably does not apply to most, but I thought I would share my experience with exposing the appliance anyway.  I have had a regulated colostomy resulting from rectal cancer for over 41 years.  I am also a nudist which doesn't seem to go with having a colostomy very well.  However, early  on I discovered that I could wear an absorbent pad over the colostomy under a wide polyester belt that looked much like a cumberbund you would wear with a tuxedo, and most people thought it was to control a hernia, which is another issue.  When Hollister came out with the Stoma Cap I used that, but it was white in color so I spray painted it flesh color.  Now Hollister makes it in flesh color and I need not make modifications.  Most people do not seem to notice the Stoma Cap and if they do they think it is some sort of bandage.  Now I do wear a bag some of the time especially at first after irrigation, but I do not go out in "Public" so to speak with it.  The only problem with the Stoma Cap is that it is not water proof so hot tubs and swimming pools can be somewhat problematic.

Hi everyone,
I have been an urostomate since the age of 13. I am 39 now. I did not have any problems in school, college, or public so far. But I don't think I would ever display my bag in public. However, I am not ashamed to be an ostomate. Good to see so many views here on the forum. Happy to be one among you all.

I got asked at customs once to go to a room to be examined because my bag had blown up a wee bit, lol. The customs officers were no problem, loosened my jeans and they said that's fine, thanks for your cooperation.

I don't have any problem having it all hang out with family members; outside of this, I wouldn't show it off for the sake of it, mainly due to making others feel uncomfortable or worse still, having them feel "sorry" for me.

I too got questioned at the airport security once. I kept setting the buzzer off, so I got patted down by female security. She of course felt/heard the rustle of the bag and just looked at me. Once I explained what it was, that was fine; she didn't even ask to see it to make sure.

I must say this comment made me smile. By far a great attitude to have

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Still gross and why would you want to gross out anyone around you? Put yourself in their shoes. Whether you can see the crap or not, everyone will know what's in it!!! It has nothing to do with being reserved or shy, it is out of respect for everyone else. Keep it covered, please!!!

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And, why would someone want it hanging out where it is vulnerable to getting caught on something and having it pulled off? I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced a leak(s) in public with poop running down the inside of my pants leg and in my shoe; I sure wouldn't want to have to make a run for the bathroom or my car because poop was actually running down the outside of my clothes!

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Just my 2 cents...

I went to the gym regularly (used the showers, etc) before my cancer and subsequent colostomy/rectum removal.  I haven't been back to the gym since because I don't feel comfortable using the showers and after I work out, I usually need to shower before I can get back into my street clothes.  That said, I have been to a nude beach in St Martin several times (yup, I was nude too).  The difference is, I wouldn't be up walking around.  I could lie on the beach (in a chair) and always had my t-shirt just covering the pouch from the side and then my arm over that (so the wind didn't blow the t-shirt off).  I felt quite comfortable doing that and like I said, I have been several times since my operation with no apparent weird looks.  Typically, I would use the stoma cap from Coloplast but would just have to keep an eye on it in case the output was more that day.  I guess we all have our confort zone and mine is OK lying naked on a nude beach but not walking around naked in a change room.

Bill

Thanks, quitedreamer28, this attitude has helped many others too. I realize there are many who are a bit more conservative. (Trust me, I ran a support group). But if you knew me at all, you would know I'm not conservative at all. I'm out there with it. Tight-fitting clothes, minis, you name it. I've been through all the dramas you can have in public, so the embarrassments have all been as bad as you can imagine. But I still see it as helping. So what if they get grossed out? I'm like, "Don't you poop? You're weird, lol." I have found if you explain it to people, they don't get grossed out; they get curious. Then they start to ask questions, and by the time the conversation is over, you can bet your bottom dollar they know someone who needs to go get a check-up. So you see, there is a method to my madness. The more people who know about these things might help others to get it sorted before this can happen. Know what I mean? It seems people are not as afraid to talk about bowel cancer and Crohn's and the likes (bag) to a person who has lived through it. So I will continue on my merry way, dropping it out whenever necessary. And if anyone gets grossed out, well, too bad. Get over it. Do I come up to you and say, "Oh gee, you just went and did poop, how gross." And well, I have also been asked, "Am I pleased to see them?" meaning big thing in my pants. I return with, "Hey, mine is bigger than yours. Wanna see?" Ok, well I have probably grossed out a few more on here today, sorry if I have, but if we can't make fun of ourselves, then what's the world coming to? I like to think I make a difference in this world, and if being mad, oops, me is doing the job, then I'm happy. Cheers, Tara
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I have a recurring dream.  It's about the Swedish bikini team; they have fallen into a large vat of grape jelly... er... never mind!!!!!!

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I don't have any problem with the bag as a rule. If I think I am going to have problems when getting intimate with a man, I wear a very mini mini skirt! It gives me confidence and adds another dimension to lovemaking! As for changing rooms, etc., I hide it modestly, like I would the rest of my body when I'm drying myself. Often, there are children in the room, and it's not nice to "ram it down people's throats," but if they ask, I'll say.