First Date Since My Divorce: Feeling Nervous!

Going on my first date since hubby left, so I'm very nervous,
he doesn't know about my ileostomy, and I'm not going to tell him on our first date,
🔒 Login to see image

I've 24 hours to prepare myself, think I'll stick to proteins in the restaurant
🔒 Login to see image
HELP.

Break a leg!

I could almost feel your anxiety. Good luck on your date and many more! Keep us posted.
🔒 Login to see image

Ah Leah, don't be nervous, people haven't changed much since the world began. I do hope you have a wonderful time. The proteins are probably a good idea.
🔒 Login to see image

Go for it Leah. Of course we all wish you well. Remember that everybody has something that they would prefer not to share on the first few meetings.  An ostomy is no big deal unless you make it so. Good relationships are so much more than a person's physical attribrutes. What people are looking for are soul-mates  not assole mates.

Best wishes  Bill

Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Good luck!!

Hope your date went well! For next time, eat marshmallows and stay with low-fiber, high-protein foods. Careful with the red wine! That's the hardest part, lol!

Hi! You'll be just fine. Relax and have fun! I agree - your date and anyone else does not need to know until you decide the right time. I agree, low fiber would probably be best, but don't get too nervous about selecting something nice for dinner. Treat yourself - proteins would be a good option. You'll be talking more and observing this date - how will you have time to eat! Drink water and go for it! We're all rooting for you! Please keep us posted.

Hi everyone, thank you for your words of encouragement,

I had a wonderful time. We had dinner; I didn't eat much, but it was very nice.

The gentleman I went out with was a really nice guy, but not for me.

Nothing I can put my finger on and say, "It's because of this," but he's not my type.

I like a man to be manly, and I found him a little feminine.

But he's so nice.

Anyway, at least I know I can go on a date and have a good time.

Bring on the next, lol. Leah, xxx

Hello Leah.  I'm so pleased to hear that you had a good time on your date. Thanks for giving us this feedback. Sometimes people are not right for each other no matter how nice they are!  I would be interested to know how you define 'too feminine' in this context as many of the so-called 'masculine' traits that are discussed on this site are just the ones that indicate how insensitive and uncaring men can be at times.

I recall many, many years ago when I was apprenticed to be a barber, I felt forced to give it up because of the fights that ensued.  When people accused me of being 'queer'or a 'poof' for wanting to be a barber, I simply hit them as a masculine response - but I felt that this was not a tenable position for a lifetime's work. -- A similar - but milder impression was being given when I went into the so-called 'caring professions'  which, at the time, were dominated by women - who cared.  It was as if 'caring' was not the domain of men and therefore those men that did actually want to 'care' were deemed as somehow homosexual  - which, at that time was unacceptable.  Because this attitude was milder and because the perpetrators were open to discussion, I was able to refrain from the more violent response of previous years and talk it through with them. Most were surprised and taken aback at my exposition of their own prejudices and were appologetic  and thus, I managed to have a long and successful career in 'caring'.

As a 'man' I can confidently say that some aspects of masculinity are not particularly desirable traits. So I would advise to be careful of what you wish for!

Best wishes

Bill

Hi Bill, thank you for sharing that with us,
I really have nothing against feminine men, and by that I mean a man who wears pink, has perfectly manicured nails, wears moisturizer, and smells of perfume,
I have friends like that who I love very much. But I do not find it attractive at all,
I'm very old-fashioned; I like a man to be able to protect me (or look as though he can),
be sensitive but not overly so, be masculine; it's hard to describe,

I never allowed my husband to vacuum, wash dishes, or clean house,
but hey, that's just me,
I don't like to see women doing a man's job either,
equality is not for me I'm afraid,
Leah,x

Hello Leah.   It's good that not everyone is the same or wants the same things. It's also good that you know what you want as that's one of the first steps to getting it.   Best wishes

Bill