I understand what you are going through. I had my ileostomy (total proctocolectomy which includes removal of the colon, rectum and anus as well as closure of the anal opening) 14 years ago. Prior to this, I was very ill. All this happened in one year. I dropped down from 185 to 112. As a male, that is a big drop. Also, I was in the hospital numerous times due to illness resulting from a compromised immune system attributed to the large dosage of steroids. I also developed steroid myopathy. In essence, I became paralyzed from my waist down and was not able to walk. I was also having heart palpitations due to lack of sufficient nutrition. I also developed cellulitis resulting from a minor infection. I also became completely bowel incontinent. I held off on the surgery until I could no longer stand it. Weak as anything, not able to go to work or do anything. Also lost quite a bit of my eyesight due to the steroids. I was not able to function mentally as well as I should have and always very tired.
I had the surgery and remained in the hospital for 7 days. I had an excellent female colorectal surgeon and my gastroenterologist was female as well. She kept me going until I had the surgery. They all pleaded with me to have it. Chances are I would not have made it if I waited another 2 weeks.
I am telling you all this because the amount of time it takes to heal after surgery is dependent on how you were prior to surgery. Also, everyone is different. It was an exhausting process just to take a shower, even sitting on a shower chair. I just had to sleep afterwards. I just couldn't move, think, or process anything. I was not allowed to return to work, which even if I tried, would have been an impossible task. I had to be placed on disability. I also had to wait until I was slowly taken off the steroids before I was able to have the cataract surgery for both eyes. It took nearly 2 years to have complete strength in my legs as a result of the steroid myopathy.
I am telling you all this because, as I said earlier, I want you to realize that it takes quite a while to get back to things depending on how you were. You need to keep pushing slowly, then faster. I ate as much as I could. A typical breakfast was 3 eggs, noodles (for more protein), and cottage cheese (more protein and calories), 2 pieces of toast. I also had the milkshake drinks that contain many vitamins and minerals during the day (about 4). Lunch was about the same, and my wife would bring home two cheeseburgers with fries for a snack. Dinner was fish with vegetables. All this was consumed after I was on a restricted diet for several weeks to let everything heal. Yes, I was emptying the pouch many times due to my eating and the small intestine becoming more involved in the digestive process.
My focusing and thinking took some time, and my tiredness took time as well. It requires work and patience.
It took me several years before all was just about back to normal. My doctors "forced" me to take a trip, which was difficult. But the trip, which turned into an exercise (difficult), also exposed me to a great deal of nature which was quite intriguing and relaxing. It was difficult, but I proved to myself that it can be done. I also learned how to do the changes in "strange" places, not just at home.
I spoke to a nurse who works with patients that were compromised prior to the surgery, and she said that it is not uncommon to take this long. She herself was an ostomy patient that was compromised, and it took her quite some time to get back.
You may heal faster than I did, but I just want to let you know that it all works out. I thought that you may be able to relate to my process, and my success may help and encourage you. I know it can be depressing at times, but don't let it get to you. I also went to group meditation sessions. Really helped. I also went to a psychologist for help to overcome my emotions and the healing process. All this helped. I have helped many individuals over the years. I feel it is somewhat a payback since I had about 25 ostomates (some of whom were doctors) who gave me advice before my surgery.
One important thing to remember, before you try to do anything new such as a trip, food, how much to eat, exercise, taking vitamins, ANYTHING - SPEAK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST BEFORE YOU DO IT. What worked for me as far as eating and exercise (which I did) may not be a good approach for you. I always obtained the doctor's approval - surgeon as well as gastroenterologist.
I just want to tell you about my background prior to and after the surgery since they were somewhat similar - you will overcome this and really feel great.