Tif, dating post-surgery is intimidating, so it requires practice! I dated women from outside my area with no expectations. I also practiced this way as I didn't want everyone to know in my small town. I had a neoprene black belt about five inches wide to keep the pouch flat and not getting in the way, and that helped a lot. I never had anybody be rude and found the women to be accepting. Hopefully, men are too. I got my surgery when I was about 16, so it was important for me to get back in the saddle. Complications are a royal pain but seemed to be fewer and farther between over the last 25 years. Dating culture has changed for the worst with tech, I reckon, but stay positive. I even found an ostomate once, and that was good. I also attended an international meet in Hamilton once, and that was great to be surrounded by like-minded people. Health and happiness.
Hi tiff041,
You're definitely in the right place to find support and understanding from this amazing community. There are so many people here who can relate to what you're going through.
Dating with an ostomy can be challenging, but you're not alone in feeling this way. Many of us have faced similar fears and uncertainties. It's true that not everyone will understand, but there are people out there who will accept you for who you are. Sharing your story and hearing others' experiences can be incredibly empowering. It might take time, but you'll find those who appreciate you beyond your ostomy.
Joining this website was one of the best decisions I've made. It's been life-changing to connect with others who truly understand. I hope you find the same comfort and camaraderie here.
Thank you for all your advice. I have always admired girls/women who can wear bikinis with their ostomy bag hanging out. I am not at that level of confidence... but it's good to know some are.
MeetAnOstoMate.org is the only place where people truly understand you. It's because everyone here has an ostomy.
Many come here for advice or to give advice, others have found good friends, and some have even built long-lasting relationships.
Privacy is very important - there are many features only visible to members.
Join our website with 39,439 members. You won't regret it.
What would be the best sexual position if both peeps had an ostomy bag or two?
Reverse cowgirl?
Good old-fashioned doggie style?
Suspended love swing?
Missionary?
Learn what you need to know to help you recover fast, and avoid some common food issues.
I don't think people are talking about popping their cherry for the first time, but popping their cork for the first time after being saved by the ostomy bag or two?
Mind you, I'm still a virgin! Who needs taking in hand and leading a Christian life? If you can help, I would be eternally grateful. Adam x
Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
Trying to find someone who can accept you as you are is especially challenging when you're bagged. While it may seem few and far between, people can and do find love and end up in long-term or even lifelong bonds.
If you want to date, just put yourself out there. If you want to weed out the shallow people, be completely upfront from the jump. You don't need to divulge too much detail. Just enough to let others know what your life challenges are.
Expect to experience the occasional troll or numbnut and expect that many men won't be as mature as they pretend to be. You'll likely also have to deal with guys who'll only hit that like button based purely on your pic. But most importantly, when it comes to dating, it comes down to your level of confidence, self-acceptance, and how comfortable you are in your own skin. You gotta be able to accept yourself first before you can expect anyone else to accept you.
Sound true words buddy! You are so level-headed, say it how it is. I like how you roll, being upfront as not to waste precious time. You're right, too many people judge a book by its cover without reading the content, which is more important as looks fade but love and loyalty get stronger! You the man!
Love, light, and peace!
Adam
RedZenDjinn,
That is so true what you say about confidence, self-acceptance, and how comfortable you are in your own skin. I was already working on those things coming out of a 'bad' marriage that basically gave me PTSD. So then I had my surgery which resulted in an ostomy and it all got lower... lower confidence, lower self-acceptance, etc. So now I am learning to love myself all over again. One day at a time, eh?
Hugs
One day at a time is a healthy way to look at things. Looking too far into the future or dwelling too long in the past only stagnates us.
We all at one time or another get beaten down and faded. And even if this happens to you ten, twenty, or a hundred times more, as long as you keep choosing to get back up, brush your shoulders off, remind yourself that what's done is done, that's already half the battle.
The other half is simply living your life the best way you know how, reminding yourself that you're perfectly imperfect, and remembering that more often than not, we're all a lot stronger and more resilient than we realize.
Because really, we are.
So true, Red.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." — Bob Marley
Follow our simple and practical guidelines for eating healthy with an ostomy.
I commend you for your commitment to the Christian morals that so many of us have forgotten or pushed aside for the wiles of the world. Even though I go to Mass every Sunday and work hard to stay the course, sexually I know that I falter. I just can't or am not willing to spend the rest of my life abstinent. I believe that God gave us a sexual nature to be fulfilled, when young, abstinence till marriage is proven best and when old (-70+), I'm still trying to discern what he expects of me. All I can do and recommend is to approach every agreed upon encounter with an open and loving heart. It may not always be reciprocated but God gave YOU the commandment to love. That's how I deal with sex as a senior citizen. For you, continue on your path of the Christian Life and use the internet for the Christians looking for... Site. Lots of good people out there! Thanks, Fred383
I commend you for your commitment to the Christian morals that so many of us have forgotten or pushed aside for the wiles of the world. Even though I go to Mass every Sunday and work hard to stay the course, sexually I know that I falter. I just can't or am not willing to spend the rest of my life abstinent. I believe that God gave us a sexual nature to be fulfilled, when young, abstinence till marriage is proven best and when old (-70+), I'm still trying to discern what he expects of me. All I can do and recommend is to approach every agreed upon encounter with an open and loving heart. It may not always be reciprocated but God gave YOU the commandment to love. That's how I deal with sex as a senior citizen. For you, continue on your path of the Christian Life and use the internet for the Christians looking for... Site. Lots of good people out there! Thanks, Fred383
Hi Tiff,
I'm Maria, now 72 years young and I have had an ileo since I was 56 years old. I was admitted to the hospital with a badly damaged colon from years of UC and the third colon blockage in 20 years. The surgeons could not promise me that a section would be possible because of all the scar tissue so I opted for the colostomy. My husband, because he truly loved me, supported and accepted this decision. That is the key for a relationship with an ileostomy. Someone who loves you either way. Afterward, I conferred with some top colo-rectal surgeons in Phila. who advised me that the reversal, on its best days, would mean 6-8 diarrhea movements each day. As a classroom teacher, I did not have the ability to run to the bathroom several times a day. And honestly, I was feeling great having removed the source of my colitis. With a few tricks, I was able to wear jeans, dresses, and even a bathing suit (tankinis are great). I decided to keep the ileo! I found creative ways to hide the pouch during intimate moments and even make it look pretty.
Fast forward 10 years and my husband passes away. The thought of living alone for the rest of my active life was depressing. Who would want to be with the "bag" lady? Who? Another Ostomate, that's who. I was lucky enough to meet an outstanding gentleman right here on this ostomy site. So it can happen and it does.
You have to think of the quality of life in making your decision to keep the ileo or take it down. For me, life is better with the bag than with the agony of UC. And life does go on and it can even get better.