Dealing With Ostomy Stigma And Relationship Betrayal

Question

When I got my ostomy, it never seemed to bother my husband. He didn't care much about that. Then, two years ago or so, we moved into a place where we had a neighbor who lived upstairs and was bullying me. Somehow she knew I had an ostomy and was saying I smelled, but I did not. I honestly think he told her I had one, or she opened my package when my bags were delivered. I suspected for many reasons that my husband was cheating with her.
Then my husband came home one night, throwing me out of the house, saying I stunk and was stinking up the whole building, which I was not! I use M9, and no one, including him, has ever said I did before. I think this all came from her just knowing I had one and her pushing him to get rid of me. He came intoxicated that night, screaming it like he wanted to make sure she heard all that he was saying.
Later, after I left him, he called me, telling me he was sorry and that it was the sewers backing up in the building and that the lady was threatening him and had three guys come over to try to do something to him.
I suspected they got into a fight and broke up. I went back to him at a different complex, but shortly after, he started treating me badly again and verbally abusing and sabotaging me. I suspected they got back together again because he told me he did not want me anymore and wanted to be free. He did some pretty rotten things to me that forced me to leave again. I'm basically traumatized, with PTSD from it all. Although I'm slowly healing from it all, I'm done this time though. I'm now in my own place and can afford it.
What's confusing is... was my ostomy the reason he did all this, or is it that they befriended each other and that she was pushing him to say this stuff to me about my ostomy because he never cared about it before? He was helping me with it, actually, and told me he never smelled it, only when I ran out of M9. He always said to me that it did not bother him in bed. I kept a wrap on, so it was not even visible.
I was with him for 25 years and had my ostomy since 2017, but not until he met her two years ago did he start saying things like this to me or treating me badly.

Hisbiscus · Answer

I know, I'm a strong person; it's just the shock factor messing with me. I've been through worse things and made it.

AdamC · Answer

25 year marriage in OH and you have a disability? Divorce the jerk and laugh every month when he complains about writing the alimony check.

Marjatta · Answer

Hi Hisbiscus,
Your stoma was just a convenient excuse for him to cheat on you. If you didn't have a stoma, he'd find some other excuse to have his cake and eat it too. Trust your woman's intuition on this one. If you suspected that he was having an affair with her, he most certainly was. My first husband of 18 years also left me when I had health issues, and I knew exactly who he'd been with all those nights that he would wander in at 2 or 3 in the morning. Just like you, it was the betrayal (with the family "friend") that hurt the most.
But look at you now! Without that miserable, emotionally abusive dead weight holding you back, there is no limit to the heights you can soar! Sure, it's going to take some time to get your groove back, but you will. It's like being freed from captivity - bewildering and exciting at the same time. 
Time will work wonders here. Now that you're no longer under his influence, you'll start to realize that every nasty thing he told you about yourself was nothing more than a pack of lies. I hope you DID let the door hit him in the ass on his way out. Hard.

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