Struggling with Depression 5 Years After Urostomy

hi..this is my first time here..hope there are some older women that can help me. i am 56 and had my urostomy in 03..i was dx'd with i.c a really bad bladder disease..i had my bladder removed but the pain came back in a mon. it is a nerve entrapement..which where i live there is no dr. who treat it..just help to keep the pain down..it is there 24/7 i am sure this is one factor in my depression..i have been married for 37 yrs now..untill my surgery my husband was i had a great sex life..but now..it is all gone..i guess he can not look at it or thinks i am not the same pretty bomb shell he married..but when the sex left so did the closeness..the hand holding the sitting by me to watch t.v ect..we have never discussed it..and please do not tell me to..i have never been one to talk about my feeling ..he has not either..in 5 yrs i went from out going ,always dressed nice makeup the whole bit..my house was always spotless..now i am the totally oppisite..i stay home ,never wear makeup or fix my hair..i just do not see the use in it any more..but ..i really wish i was back to the way i was..don't get me wrong..i am content with my life and enjoy my pets and grandkids..i s this an age thing or from the surgery??i don't know..i know no one else who has a urostomy to talk to..have grown daughters to talk to but not about the sex stuff..they are 30's and think i am just a house bound old lady..i sure hope there os others who have delt with this even 5 yrs later..i have done the therapist thing for over 3 yrs..gave it up..and by the way..thanks for this site...

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hey and welcome. i am no expert but will give my opinion.

everyone is down when they first go thru this, its a natural reaction.

life is all about attitude, i assure you nothing else has changed.

if you start acting like a vibrant and sexy young lady of 56 then others will treat you as such. its quite possible your husband fears he might hurt you or something simular, you will have to reassure him you are willing and able to be the same person as before your diffuculty. you have 2 choices...let the ostomy dictate how you live..... or live your life as you want . there are many who overcome this situation... you can too.

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Hi deedee_2,



                  I am Sreeram. I am from India. I am having Urostomy From my Childhood thatmeans from 3years.

God Has given a second life to us .Be happy and enjoy with your children.

See stoma will become as part of our body and life .

See in the society so many people r worse than us ,at least we can thankfull to god for giving life as normal as before.

About Sex life I dont know much so no comment on that.

For me urostoma became as part of mylife. I am doing my job enjoying with my family and friends .

Be Always positive . I hope you can become as normal as before .



Thanks

SREERAM

Hi dee dee

First, I am glad you came here to seek help.  The folks with ostomies here have given you good advice and can understand what you have been through on a personal level better than I can since I don't have an ostomy myself.



It's a bold and positive step you've taken by posting on the forum.   That is a positive move for change.  You may find the courage to get couseling or medications to ease the depression.    



Depression:  5 years is a real slice of time lost to a better life.  It sounds as if the pain is a large factor for you.  Is it possible to get a pain consult?  There are people who specialize in pain medicine.  Nerve pain can be tough but not impossible to treat to become manageable.  You may also want to look online into pain/diet with your IC ...just google chroic IC and there is a lot of info there.  Is there an ostomy association near you?  It is helpful for some to meet with others in like situations.



Many women will tell you their libido (sex drive) changes after menopause.   I'm the same age bracket and can attest to that.   Add chronic pain and body altering surgery...triple whammy.  The positive thing is you are AWARE of the changes.   You may want to start with your primary physician and be honest with your feelings, what is going on with your life; he/she could refer you to proper specialists for pain management/options for medications/counseling, etc.  A GYN check up may also be helpful.



Maybe if you can't speak with your husband, just grab his hand while watching TV....?????  What have you got to lose? 56 is still young!



You've made a positive move in taking control of your life.  The power rests with you taking the next step.

37 years married?????Sounds like a keeper worth keeping!

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Hi Dee Dee, I am not older than you (I am only 39) but have had my ostomy for 15 years now. I was 24 and married when I had my surgery and my husband at the time could not handle it even though he said it didn't bother him.....it did. He never looked at me the same after the surgery and eventually we ended up divorced. I thought to myself "there will never be any man who looks at me as a whole woman again." Boy was I wrong!

I met someone last year who has seen and knows about my ostomy and guess what-----it doesn't bother him! There are those special men out there who care more for who you are on the inside than what you look like on the outside. Your husband is going through an adjustment period as are you....give him time. If he truly loves you he will see that you are still the same person he fell in love with. I was prepared to go through life alone after my divorce. Newsflash----I AM GETTING MARRIED IN AUGUST! Having an ostomy doesn't mean the end of your life. On the contrary it's the beginning of a whole new life, one with lots of fun and surprises!

Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

Hi Dee Dee,



there might not be the proper specialist in your area but I have been having to travel 4 hours by train to see any of my specialists on a average of 6 times a year for 6 years now and the majority have been one day trips. Talk about a long day!  Not cheap and a real pain in the butt but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.



Keep smiling, it will help you feel better.