Recently,
I've received high demand from fellow ostomates for more blog entries. I
couldn't think of anything to write, so I haven't posted one for a while. I
thought I'd give this one a serious message with my usual comedy
undertones.
Recently, it
has come to my attention that colostomy bags are very expensive. I was chatting with this very nice (flirty) American girl who told me that in her
country she has to pay for her colostomy bags, and her bags cost $60, which in
real money is £40. I said, "£40? That seems reasonable for a big box with about 8
small boxes of 10 bags in it." That works out at about 50p per bag. Then she
told me that I was wrong and that it wasn't £40 per big box, it was £40 per
little box. "Oh my god," I thought, "that's £4 per bag. You could get a carvery
meal with 1 bag; I could talk to this girl on the phone for
40 minutes for 1 bag; I could buy 2 students' cinema tickets on a Wednesday for
1 bag plus 50p." Then I looked up my bags on the internet. £65!!!!!!!! You can
go on a budget holiday to Europe, buy an old games console, or a small TV for
that kind of money. That works out at £6.50 per bag.
Six hundred
and fifty of the Queen's English pence for a piece of disposable plastic that's
going to end up in a landfill!!!!! I'm
sorry, but to me, that doesn't seem right. How are people supposed to afford that!!!!! In the UK, as long as you have a valid medical
exemption certificate, which costs about £200 per year, and a prescription from
your doctor, you can have as many colostomy bags and prescribed medication as you
want (within reason). My initial reaction to this new information was, "Oh well,
I suppose your insurance covers it." "No," said the flirty girl, "My insurance
doesn't cover it because it's part of a condition I've had since I was born."
Apparently, even if her insurance did cover it, she would only get 2 small boxes per month, and under the new
healthcare thing, that would be knocked down to 1 small box per month, which is
nowhere near enough (at least not for me, and my stoma doesn't even work properly).
Anyway, regardless
of the political issues (Governments of the world should do something to help
people pay for these expensive things) or the moral issues (How do the
manufacturers and the marketing people sleep at night?), stoma bags are very
expensive, and a lot of people (particularly in developing countries) can't
afford them. Now, having said that, I'm going to tell the story of how I wasted 2
boxes. Before I start, I just want to make it clear that apart from the odd 1 or
2, I have never wasted any of the stoma bags I wear every day. The bags I'm
talking about are from when I originally had my operation. And by that, I don't
mean used bags, as some people have thought when I told them about it. After I
started wearing the bags I wear today, I had 3 boxes left over.
What usually
happens when you have bags left over is that when the (tattooed) man comes with
a delivery, you give the bags to him, and he takes them away to be incinerated
(which is also a waste). Instead of doing this, I kept the 3 boxes to use in
case I ever ran out of bags before the next delivery. Six months went by, and I still
had the bags. I opened the box and noticed that some of them had gone a bit mouldy.
At that point, I thought, "Let's have some fun!" So I went to the kitchen where
my Turkish flatmate was making a Christmas tree out of beer cans. I should say
at this point that he's an art student and not just some nutter with a knife (Osat the Dare Devil). So I gave him the stoma bags. I really wish I'd
taken a picture of this. The only reason I didn't was that he took them off
as soon as it was completed because it wasn't what the project was about, plus
it didn't look very Christmas tree-like. He put 1 bag on the bottom to use as a
base and also stick the tree down, and 1 bag on the top to use like a star,
then we dismantled 2 bags and used them as decorations. At this point, 4 bags have
been wasted, which means 26 bags left. A few months later, my Spanish flatmate
invited some of his friends over to have a party. As the drinks flowed, I suddenly
remembered, "I have a colostomy," then I thought, "More people should have these."
So I went to my room and got the box, and the Spanish guys immediately decided
to put them on and fill them with beer. There is a picture of this on my
profile. Yes, it is funny to look at, but just remember that picture shows £25 of
waste. Anyway, after that, we went downstairs to get the girls to drink from the
bags. This didn't go according to plan, so we returned to the flat, and I'm
ashamed to say we went a bit mad with the bags. We made things like door
knockers and stuck 2 bags to a Cyberman mask. I took a picture of the mask; I might
post that later if I remember. The rest
of the bags I gave to my Spanish flatmate to take home and fill with beer for
the girls. So that's 20 bags (approximately £100) wasted.
The remaining box of
10 bags I still have, and I promise on my life I will try not to waste them. But what
can I do with them? I can't (don't need) to wear them myself. I can't send them
back because they will be destroyed. I can't send them to the flirty girl because
not only is that illegal, but the postage would cost more than the bags are
worth. I can only hope that I meet some poor ostomate in the near future who could
use them. I can't keep them for very much longer because they'll go moldy like
the precut ones in the first box. If they do go moldy, I'll try and make them
into some kind of useful or decorative object, which won't just be a waste
because I'll know that I've done my best to make the most of these very expensive
objects.
Anyway,
back to the serious message. When you read this blog or look at the pictures I've
posted, just think of the money that those bags cost and think of how hard and
long people have to work just to afford 1 box, and don't laugh or try to copy
what I did. If you can't wear them yourself, just find someone who needs them
and give the bags to them. If this blog convinces just 1 person not to do
what I did, then those bags have not been wasted. In America, the richest
country in the world, some ostomates have
to spend nearly 1 day's wages on just 1 box (I can't even imagine what it must
be like in third-world countries), and that's not right.
That's all
for now, JNK.
