Exploring Dating as a Single Mom with an Ostomy

I've done a little bit of blogging in the past, but I have never really given out my blog urls, so I was essentially blogging anonymously. It's a little bit strange to know that there are 5,956 other people who may end up reading this... I've only really chatted with or talked to a few people on here, so for those of you who I haven't talked to, allow me to introduce myself-



Hi! I'm Caitlin! :) I'm 24...25 in June. I have Crohn's Disease and an Ileostomy (as of January 14, 2010). And to one special little boy, I'm "Mommy!" My son, Jesse, is 4 years old as of March 22 :) ...I'm a single mother...which brings me to the point of this blog...



I haven't really thought about dating since my son's father and I split up, about 3 years ago, but especially after I got my ostomy. However, there is one guy who has expressed (major) interest. I don't talk about my ostomy to very many people, simply because I'm not very close to many people, so I don't feel that they really need (or want) to know. I did tell this guy about it. He said that he's fine with it...that he doesn't see why anyone would have a problem with it, especially if they really cared about someone. However, he's never seen an ostomy before...in fact, he didn't even know what an ostomy was. I can't help but wonder, will he really be ok with it once he actually comes...uhh..face-to-pouch with it??



With a child to worry about, dating has been on the back burner for quite some time. Building a relationship takes A LOT of time, energy and effort. I'm not sure whether or not it would be worth it to even try, at this point. I don't want to bring some guy in to my child's life, just for them to get scared away when "the moment of truth" arrives. But, I also don't want to just randomly whip out my stoma to see if he's grossed out.



So...I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to achieve with this... Advice, maybe. Personal experiences from others... Any input, really. So, if you've been in this situation before, which a lot of you probably have, any advice, suggestions, or experiences with this sort of issue would be appreciated!



Thank you for taking the time to read this, either way... I hope all of you are doing well :)

Hi Catlin, it's normal to worry about your stoma with a new relationship, but like he's already said, it doesn't worry him. Just show him a bag so he knows what one looks like. Most people don't mind them; they're just glad it's made you well again. Imagine how you would feel in six months' time if you saw him with another woman and you had never been on a date with him?
He could be the man of your dreams; you won't know unless you get to know him.
Don't ever let an ostomy hold you back.

I have to admit, I was scared out of my mind when I first told my then-boyfriend the "OSTOMY STORY". The same embarrassing question... but I answered them and assured him he wouldn't hurt me if he wanted to give me a hug! That was sweet! He soon settled and became used to it! {I swear he takes better care of me than I do myself!} I'm not going to tell you all our experiences have been wonderful and intimate... sometimes ostomy products don't always work! And sometimes my ostomy will make a sound! Real romantic!!! Then believe it or not, the bag opened and well, it wasn't very sexy! But those things can happen... I learned now to wear a belly band that covers the ostomy and keeps it from just dangling there, always getting in the way! But I guess you're not even there yet, right! Still have to find a man that loves and respects your body for the way it is! There are still good guys out there!!
What I'm saying is, it is not going to be easy introducing someone to your stoma, lol! It will be embarrassing at first, but the more people you talk to about yourself and your illness, the easier it will get! If you don't try, you'll never know if he was the one! And there might just be embarrassing moments along the way! When it happens, you just have to say...... "shit happens" lol Traci40XOXO
Great Blog!

jim bob