A Certain look

I went to my oncologist for a follow up visit acouple of weeks ago and he told me that I dont look like a person who has an ostomy. I asked him what he meant. He said that most of his patients that have ostomies have a certain look. Do we have a look of dispair?A look that says why did this happen to me? Or do we just look crappy? I dont get it.

hi dh thats a new one to me i,vehad my ileo. for 26yrs. and never heard of someone having a look of an ostomy,i wonder what that is?

i think your oncologist must have been having a bad day himself lol, ive had mine a long time and never heard of that exspression. Dont take it to heart just be yourself its not easy living with ostomy and we dont always feel like going round with a fixed smile..tc ambies

DH, your oncologist was not limiting his comment to people with ostomies, but to his own patients with ostomies who are being treated for cancer. Did he tell you that these patients actually have a look of despair? I hope his perception is not a self-fulfilling prophecy. PB

Hi DH, There being a certain look to people with an ostomy is news to me too. At least he said that you don't have it, so it's a positive comment. I'd imagine it's all in his mind, a bit like whether a day feels like a Monday or a Saturday when obviously there is no difference to the physical properties of that day. He knows from the patient's notes that they have an ostomy, so he expects there to be some visible difference, which there is not. It would be good to challenge him to identify the ostomates from a group of people. I'd take it with a pinch of salt.

Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

Hello DH,Many years ago I heard a similar comment about people with piles except it was used as an in- 'joke'for GP's.It went something like this:In order to have a good bedside manner as a GP you really need to have piles - as this will give you that 'naturally' concerned look.Anyway it sounds as if you haven't got it. Best wishesBill

I don't believe you.

Hello Guygrand,I wasn't sure if the I don'y believe you! was a response to the original post or to mine. However, I will comment as if it was mine. I don't thing that the purpose of humour is to invoke belief or disbelief. I'm not very good at remembering jokes - partly because I think that most human humour is at the expense of someone.Putting the comment into the fuller version of the 'joke', it went something like this: A GP needs three things for a good bedside manner: Patience, empathy and piles. - The piles give you that naturally concerned look!It was given at an after-dinner speach so it probably wasn't meant to be 'believed'.Best wishesBill

Hey DH. I wish I had your oncologist. All the digital exams, the scopes, CTs, PTs, X-rays would've been avoided. I could've just walked in and asked What do you you think I have?Good luck and keep your good looks.Mike

DH, hopefully there won't be another time, but if he asks or comments in such a manner again, ask to see his credentials! A Dr saying that? What a BUTT!!!!

hello, I do believe your oncologist is or was having a bad day!!!!!!! I have never heard that some one looks like they are wearing a bag.. next time ask him if he has is bag on and tell him he looks like it to u. He will probly shit is pants.

I've had mine for six years and aside from the first two, when I had surgery and chemo for a year, I haven't looked or acted sick and I don't think there is an ostomy look. That said, I did go to an ostomy support group during that time and did not like it. Granted, I have never really been the type for support groups (in person, online seems different), and never went back to that one because everyone had an air of defeat or bitterness about them. I suspect it was less the specific fact they all had a stoma than the fact that they all had something. Many people who know me do not know about my stoma and when I do decide to tell someone, they have been surprised. I don't think there is a look for someone with an ostomy. I think there is a look for someone with a medical condition, who uses it to define themselves - it comes out in their attitude.

What a load of rubbish some people talk. Sounds like a right idiot.I'd be in real trouble if that were true cos I've kept mine secret over the yrs and nobody in the medical field has pointed a finger at me and yeah you look like you have a.............I happen to think that most people with real medical problems are less moaning than those with none.

good gosh...all this is like looking sick and not looking sick. whatever that means too!!!