Reply to Mindy
Mindy, after experiencing 2 major surgeries and 1 minor surgery in a three month period, I can understand your feelings about not wanting to have another one. If it was not for my wife and two daughters, I would never have had the surgeries — I could not be so selfish as to abandon them. I have never undergone chemo but I have heard of the toll it takes on a person's body, both physically and mentally.
Adjusting to life with a stoma is life altering. When faced with physical challenges we tend to glorify our existence prior to the challenge, bemoan our current existence with the challenge, and undervalue our ability to overcome the challenge in the future.
Is it normal to have your innards outside your body? Is it normal to be blind? Is it normal to be deaf? paralyzed? speechless? incontinent? etc?
Yet all the above have been encountered, embraced, and overcome. In addition to my ostomy surgeries, I have had two major neck surgeries and have very limited use of my hands — as a software developer/manager I needed my hands. I had to retire from a profession I enjoyed. I learned to embrace life after retirement, next I had to welcome an ostomy into my life. But for me Gloria Gaynor said it best, "Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I, I will survive."
Instead of lamenting, Embrace the challenge. Not only must you adapt to managing your ostomy, you must better understand your digestive system. Keep a diary of the foods you eat to learn their effects on your digestive system — for example, bananas can firm up your output, Metamucil can firm up your output, chocolate has a laxative effect and causes your bowel to move, when you eat, especially fats it causes your bowel to move, etc. Learn how fast certain foods move through your system.
If you are concerned about the frequency of bowel movements you can take loperamide (immodium) to slow down the frequency of your bowel movements.
I have a normal life. It is a new normal from my life prior to having an ostomy, even better in some ways. Every Mindy, I have known has been cheerful not grumpy. Mindy smile and learn how to manage your ostomy to obtain your new normal. If I can manage a stoma with the condition of my hands and poor eyesight then most people can. 😊