Beans and Blowouts: A Hilarious Mix-Up in the Dating Forum

One day last fall our daughter decided she would make us up a crock of homemade beans, damn but they were good, so good I had two (or three) helpings. You all know whats coming. Three O"clock in the morning, up to go to the bathroom but the pouch was three feet ahead of me laying on the floor, just like jet propulsion. So her I am at 3am changing pouches and cleaning up the mess. My wife and daughter still heckle me when the subject of beans come up. I now stick to one serving.

🔒 Login to see image





It is now Dec. 3 and as I was reading the posts on here I realised I had posted in the Dating forum, I mean bean blowouts and Dating, What was I thinking.LOL

🔒 Login to see image

lol...a funny story for sure. did you have some ham cooked up in those beans and cornbread on the side?? no wonder you couldn`t resist!!

No cornbread with the beans but you just reminded me we also had bran muffins. in any event i was propelled enough. Many times thought if I had rolled over in bed, ( you know the saying, the shit hits the fan) well in this case it would have been my wife and the bed,  luckily I always awake around three am,empty the bag, fill the lungs with a couple of cigarettes and back to bed. Nice conversing with you.

🔒 Login to see image

That was great now I don't feel so stupid. I thought the questions about ostomy stuff went to the administrators for answers.  Now the whole world knows I STINK the jokes on me

🔒 Login to see image

.

When I first got my iliostomy the pouch had a charcoal filter and I could smell the roses (So to Speak) I called Hollister and got no where and a bit pissed. I think my last words to them went something like "the pouch aint the only thing full of shit" and hung up. I'm pretty satisfied with their two piece job, its just getting rid of the air. Ed                        I

Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

snicker,sorry to laugh the same happened to me last night and life's been bad lately .i didn't think i had any laugh's inside of me but your story got me going so thanks for that oh hope your ok now and laying of the beans

isabella

🔒 Login to see image

Oh this is soooo funny!   Guess what? 6 weeks after my surgery, I was so excited to be off the 'low residue' diet!  Before my cancer diagnosis in the Spring of this year, I could eat cardboard, NO PROBLEM!

🔒 Login to see image

  So anyway, at the 6 week milestone, to the day, I went to Whole Foods, my favorite grocery store. Great day it was...I was feeling sexy that day in my cowboy hat and favorite jeans! Then, I had an amazing plate of yummy barley, cracked wheat, and kidney bean salad! WTF?  What's this sticky wet sensation on my abdomen? Yikes!!!!!! Mad dash to the parking lot holding back the tears...now this is not my idea of sexy!



In retrospect, I can laugh.

🔒 Login to see image

Hope you all get a kick out of this image!



Be well and happy .... and beware of Fiber!  

🔒 Login to see image



Sharon

Hi Gutenberg -so glad to have caught up with you as you've sent me several messages and I haven't replied. Just that I haven't got round to paying for membership yet so can't send messages any more. Must have seemed very rude. Sorry. Hope you're OK. Belinda

Oh my, it has brought it all back..... I love nuts and for a treat had bought a huge packet of mixed nuts and raisins, and was just having a few each day. I then had a bad day, and decided to watch a film with the bag of nuts by my side. By the time  film had finished, I had eaten the lot, felt okay though and went to bed. By 2am, the pain and nausea had begun and my bag was filling rapidly .... felt so bad I ended up in hospital the next day ...... suspect I hadn't chewed enough and had got a bit of a blockage!

🔒 Login to see image



Nuts are definitely now off limits though do I miss them badly!

Well all I can say we have a malady of which we learn, usually very fast, more than once and you have to think "what the hell was I thinking". One morning I had to go to the bank, all showered and shaved, and doom on me. As i was getting out of the car I felt this wetness on my leg, when I put my hand on my leg I realized I hadn't put on the pouch clip, talk about moving to get home,had my wife call and make my apologies, no problem (for them) thirty minutes later i was back to the bank and everything turned out OK. Still, whats out there waiting to pounce on us. As long as we can hang on to a sense of humor we'll make it. When I read your story I was laughing with you, not at you, but something came to mind, The boots. Bet they could hold a lot! LOL

Now, Gutenberg, ANOTHER good story!   Note to self:  ALWAYS check and double check the pouch clip!  Does it sound like I'm a candidate for OCD counceling?  HA!

Hi Belinda, great to hear from you. Hope things are still sunny in England, here in Nova Scotia fall is setting in and I'm cold during the summer, something to look forward to eh. My feet are always freezing, year round and of course everybody says poor circulation which drives me nuts. This so called "poor circulation" started on Sept 26 1984. A doc was giving me spinal injections and hit some nerves, I flew off the table with this hypodermic still in my back, he had to run around the table and pull that sucker out, hence this poor circulation Torro merde. This had taken place after having two spinal surgeries and I was trying to avoid another. Seems most of my problems arise from surgeons who screw up. For the last 18 months my left leg started paining, and I thought a herniated disc was bad. Ha! I can walk about 75 yards on flat surfaces so I don't go anywhere I cant see my car. No more gardening, going for walks, playing my guitar, I guess really the only thing I"m good at is elevators. LOL

PS. I only paid up on the site within the last week. That's two packs of cigarettes, I know, I know. Fifty years ago the docs said I'd never see thirty. They're all dead now. Lately I have cut down to two and a half (packs) gotta watch that health.

ttfn

Well Facingmyfears that was one slip I made and I don't worry about it happening again, It's the unforeseen that keeps me on my toes. You've heard of Murphy's Law, anything that can happen will. I"m with O'Rileys Law. He says Murphy was an optimist. Been there.

Hi again Gutenberg, Wish I could say it was sunny here and it has been for 4 days. Think that was all the summer we're getting this year. I'm frozen all year round as well.Mine's because of my MS -lousy circulation ,and like you I can't get out to get exercise.I used to play the guitar too.I'm very keen on wildlife and have a big garden so I can get out there if the weather's ever kind and also pretend to be gardening still, which I loved.Must join the site.Haven't been on it for a while.Take care.Belinda.

omg that is funny!!!

After reading this, I feel loads better! I've had some close calls but nothing public yet. Whew!

🔒 Login to see image

That's really funny, LOL! There have been rare occasions when I have been too tired to go downstairs to the loo in the night. I usually need to empty about 5 times a night; sometimes it's just 'fresh air,' as I jokingly put it to my family. One particular occasion, I decided to open the bottom carefully and let out the 'air' - unfortunately, in my dozy state, I forgot to redo it up again. I woke up a while later feeling something hot on me; my bag had leaked a mass of green liquid EVERYWHERE!

🔒 Login to see image

Luckily, I was alone, and the whole bed had to be changed (including the duvet). There have also been occasions when I've thought I have let out 'air,' and not only air comes out, like on the London Underground when I nearly went off pop. It went all down my coat, all over the floor... eww! Luckily, it was so busy I was able to hide for the most part. I tend to unclip the top part of my two-piece to let out air if need be, though it's not appreciated in the car when I'm miles from a loo and I have a 'balloon'!

🔒 Login to see image

Oddly enough, I can actually eat beans now. I have to remember to burp on a regular basis, but eating beans was a no-no for me pre-colostomy.

I thought I lost a bag in a bar/restaurant that I was in a while back. I got home and the bag was gone; that's all I know. It so happens that a friend of mine works there and cleans up at night, so I made haste back there to try to find the bag. Fortunately, it was outside, lying in the gutter. I'm positive he would've known whose it was.

My greatest fear is a blowout in bed. Intimacy seems like a long-ago time. Why doesn't the filter on my bag help with the air? I am up every hour releasing mostly air. Sleep deprivation is torture.