Rediscovering Joy After Life-Altering Changes

How do I learn to live again
when so much has been taken away?
This thought keeps me awake all night
and encompasses most of my day.

I used to be able to do everything,
No task was too much or too hard.
Now I have to psych myself up
To take a walk in my own backyard!

My energy is completely drained!
I feel useless, and lifeless, & tired
I'm of no use to anyone anymore
If I were my boss, I'd be fired!!

What happened to all my stubbornness?
To my will to live and survive?
All my confidence is completely gone
And I hate the fact I'm alive!!

People say not to focus on myself
To focus on God and the heavens
But it's really dang hard not to focus on bags
When they're hanging off me 24-7!

I want to have my old self back!
The happy and positive me!
Although I search, she cannot be found
Think she died after my last surgery!

The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:

You're a Siamese twin and your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay and you are not.  And he has a date. But you only have the one asshole.

Feel better?

That was a very good poem!

A good poem, but there is no going back when your colon is out and no longer a rectum in back!
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Well, Janice... you certainly have talent. It's sometimes easy to feel a "victim" in this situation.
Don't do it. I am a cancer survivor also... 10 years ago, my life was not taken from me... it was given back to me. Much has happened since those dark early days... and I can tell you life is hard... but very good... and worth the struggle. I wish you the strength and courage to overcome these "dark days"...
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Living with Your Ostomy | Hollister

Excellent poem Janice!  Really strong and honest.  Thanks so much for sharing it.  I have to say that rather than sounding pitiful, it really does justice to the heroic in your own nature.  To be a hero one has to be pushed so far beyond one's endurance it is a miracle that one can reach the other side.  It's true that the person you were before the surgery is gone and you show us all we can be allowed to grieve for that.  But someone else will grow to take the place of the "before" Janice and this poem speaks to that creative person who is finding new ways to be strong and prevail.  Thanks so much for posting this poem.

Talking about reaching in and grabbing onto someone's heart. Your poem was so true and so touching.