Have a question about how to get back into having sex. I had a temporary stoma put in June 2014. What is the best thing to do with the bag during sex? Should I keep it covered or leave it out in the open? I would like to know what is the best thing to do and what has worked for people.
Thanks,
Stuart
Well, my friend... good question...
Here is what I use... I irrigate so I never have a full bag... but at the pharmacies, they sell the stretch bands that are used as hernia or muscle wraps... you can cut them easily to the width you want... they will hold the bag in place... they are white... and are washable... they are elastic... I think they are made by Doctor Scholl... not sure as I bought them ages ago... they come in small, medium, large, and extra large... you may find them wide, but they can be easily cut to the width you want... they look okay on also... and will hold your bag in place...
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Here's an idea...my ex always used a cummerbund from a tuxedo...you can sometimes find them at thrift stores or second-hand stores. All different colors and styles, but they worked perfectly, for him anyway, he was on the thin side. He just tucked the pouch up underneath and it was tight enough that everything stayed in place. As a female, I personally would prefer that it not be flopping around, just saying. And yes, I have an ostomy as well. I use a pretty cover on mine, to help with aesthetics as much as possible. Good luck!
As mentioned, always empty your bag and try to refrain from drinking a lot just before, especially carbonated (for me...beer too). I use a couple of different things.
There is a really nice product made for ostomates by a company that goes by Ostomysecrets. They have a website and here is the link to the unisex wrap that has a pocket for the bag. It fits in nicely, you can get pretty crazy with it ;) and it acts like a "Spanx" so you feel even mightier than you already are!
https://www.ostomysecrets.com/ostomysecrets/men/wraps/classic-wrap/c-26/c-303
I also wear the new Coloplast Mio which has a cool little Velcro tab to fold the bag in half and it will stay. I also wear a belt so you can tuck it back over the belt if your size and manufacturer of the bag allows.
Lastly, you can always go to Walmart or any lingerie store and seek out the belly supporters in the lingerie department (you should see the looks I get when I go in there :o)
Good luck!
Use a Stealth Belt. That invention has changed my life and I wear it all day, every day, at night and especially during sex. I'm not a promoter, just a satisfied client.
Hi Stuart,
The simple answer is, "just have sex". Honestly, I've never had a partner care about my ostomy appliance. Sometimes I put on a mini closed-end pouch (see Convatec - 401529 as an example). I usually do empty it beforehand, no matter what I'm wearing.
I'm athletic and I'm fairly active (snowboarding, motorcycle racing, hiking, tango dancing, deep-sea diving, cycling, yoga) and I've never found the need for a retention belt of any kind. If it's a "new partner", I just focus on them more than my ostomy. No need to go into all the details before sex, save that for the pillow talk afterwards. My typical response to "So what is that?" is, "I had surgery when I was a kid (30 years ago), there isn't anything I can't do with it there". If they seem even more curious, I just say, "if you want to know more, just ask".
Be confident, nobody has a perfect body, just ask Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was in his prime and he'll say he didn't like his calves. LOL
Confidence is sexy, insecurity... not so much. I have yet to be with a woman who minded, and if they did, there are more problems with them besides their shallowness.
The biggest challenge is just getting over your own mental blocks and self-image. I realized years ago that I just didn't care anymore when I got into the hot springs naked with everyone else. In that situation, you find out that everyone is the same, with or without a bag attached.
Best of luck....
-W
ps. The stealth belt looks pretty cool, I can certainly see the application.
Search for the video "Ostomy clothing guide for men" on YouTube. There's a section there that talks about things you can use to help keep your bag secure and out of the way during sex.
I can't imagine not using a wrap or support band during sex - the pouch would just get in the way if you leave it dangling. Receiving oral sex would be particularly awkward with your bag out.
Other than that, keep your pouch empty before you start, and enjoy!
I've been very satisfied with OPTIONS (trademark) Ostomy Underwear available at Amazon and medical suppliers. Wide variety of models for men and women. Basically, depend on inner pocket to contain ostomy pouch and can buy crotchless and backless or with snap-removable crotch or simple broad containment belt. They are a little expensive for underwear but a lot less so than the Stealth Belt and also lighter in weight and less conspicuous.
Either way... keep it open or cover it up.
I also agree that you can look at Ostomy Secrets or CSPouch Covers. Wearing a band around the ostomy is likely easier for a guy to use than a woman.
Of course, remember to empty the pouch beforehand.
The main thing is to remember what another ostomate said "Confidence is sexy, insecurity... not so much".
Enjoy
I ordered a few tube tops. Easy and cheap - mail order from TubeTopCo.com. 6" wide bandeaus are on sale for 5 bucks each. Changed my life for the better - helps me feel confident and sexy, and my lover thinks I'm a Greek god!
Okay..
Empty it..
Flatten it..
Pretend its not there
Bang
I've been on many dates and as long as you tell them 9/10 women don't even care tbh
The Stealth Belt works perfectly. It keeps your appliance and bag wrapped up snugly tight against your body with great support. Plus, you can wear it 24/7. It provides great support for peace of mind, and as its name suggests... it's stealthy. :)
I have bands that go around my waist that I always wear. It helps hold my ostomy up when it gets filled and nothing presses against it to break my ostomy. For sex, I agree, empty and forget about it. (I know that is one of the hardest things to do). I wear my band around my waist that I have a large amount of from Ostomy Secrets. I feel sexier with it on and don't worry about it getting in the way. Best of luck, sex is still a fun part of our lives.
