Seeking Love and Acceptance Post-Ileostomy Surgery

After having my ileostomy surgery 17 years ago, I was sure that I would be together with the person I love. For whatever reason, it didn't work out. I broke off the relationship and moved out. I needed to get back to work, and she was against it. A lot of my friends came to the rescue, telling me I had to move on. That after six years of hiding in my home trying to be supportive of my girlfriend fighting PTSD, I did my best to help her. But I also was on so much pain medicine, I really needed someone to help me get off the drugs. At the same time, I was helping my aunt by driving her to and from the hospital for cancer treatment. And between the drugs, my aunt, and the woman I love, she wouldn't leave the house and wanted to just stay in the house. I believe if it weren't for the fentanyl patch and her not wanting any help, I wouldn't have left. But I got off all pain medicine and now I just want a normal life and someone to enjoy it with who will accept me with an ileostomy. It's really a hangup that I need to overcome. I then want to meet someone with the same concern. But it really shouldn't matter. I'm still the fun-loving guy who has a bag and a talking belly. I keep looking for that special lady.

All the best,

Fredric

FreddyBoy,

You have to do what is good for your life. Being codependent is not healthy for either of you. You are making the right strides. Do not give up. Life is a challenge in itself without the extra challenge of an ostomy, but a good life can be had if you just keep trying and I am hoping we all will be blessed with the life we want.

And that's the issue. Not your bag, not what else you have had to deal with. You can talk to a lot of people here who will tell you that they have special people in their lives for whom a bag is not an issue and you can find someone like that. But if you think you can't overcome that issue, you will never find the right person.

Go out and meet people. Show them what you are like in terms of personality and when it gets serious, explain your bag. If they bail, what kind of person were they to begin with?

Hi Fred,

Just read your profile. Excellent. I'm sure there are plenty of women looking for a guy like you. There's plenty of advice on this site about the very same thing you are asking. So I suggest you take an hour or two and sit down and read the forum. Hell, you've tackled your illnesses, had the courage to leave an unhealthy relationship, overcame drug addiction - I think you'll figure out this dating thing when you are really ready to do it. Except, if you think anything like me, the word dating gives me the shivers at this stage in my life. Somebody on here said something about kissing a lot of toads before you find your prince. I don't want to kiss a lot of toads. So I'm staying in my ivory tower.

I hope you find some answers you are comfortable with and you find your princess soon. Best wishes!

Z

Hello young lady,
As you said, we tend to underestimate our own abilities to handle the toughest of obstacles. But when it comes to dating, it's not just confidence; it's a comfort level of dating somebody who truly understands that we have certain needs that need to be addressed at times. Not all the time, but it can turn off some, while to others it really doesn't define who we are. Part of me would like to hold an event for us to be patient here in Chicago so people could meet on a social basis. But I find there are only 63 people, and it's awkward when you send texts out to people; they really don't get to know you until they meet you and understand what's in your heart and soul. And that two people together become so much stronger to work at their goals and what makes them happy and enjoy their hobbies together. I hope we both find the right person that can appreciate our sense of humor. And our ability to support each other in work or exploring all the world has to offer. If anyone single in Chicago wants to help me set up a social gathering for the Midwest, just let me know. All the best to you and anyone else who reads this. I'm looking for the right person to get my motor going. Love and kisses, all the best wishes.

Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister