Miss Amber,
Welcome to the site! You've come to the right place. There are several posts about this in the forums, but those of us who post often are happy to recap. You're taking a very brave step, and everyone here will be incredibly supportive for you. And I apologize in advance for the long post. So, here we go.
First off, you're very lucky that this is a planned surgery and not an emergency surgery. Several members here went through emergency surgery, so they weren't at all prepared to wake up to having a bag on their stomach.
I've had a permanent ileostomy for almost 22 years now due to Crohn's Disease. I was diagnosed at 14 and managed it with drugs up until I was 23. At that time, I had two bad constrictions in my large intestine, and the doctor said that perhaps it was time to consider the ileostomy. I, like you, did a lot of research before taking the leap, but the information wasn't as readily available as it is today thanks to the internet.
Now, everyone's experience is different. In my experience, the prep and hospital stay was the worst part about the entire episode. The prep, as I'm sure you know, to clean out your system, just leaves you feeling like you went through the ringer. Then, after surgery, I woke up with a drainage tube that went in my nostril down into my stomach and, of course, the bag with a plum-sized stoma. I wasn't allowed to eat anything but ice chips for a week, and every few hours, they would push something like Pepto Bismol down the tube and suck it back out. I also wasn't allowed to shower for a week as to not risk busting my stitches.
The second week, I was allowed to eat clear liquids and finally have a shower. IT WAS AMAZING!! I was released out of the hospital for all of 3 days when I got a fever and had to be admitted again. I had a tennis ball-sized pocket of infection in my abdomen that had to be drained and was in the hospital for an additional 2 weeks. Needless to say, it sucked.
After I was finally released from the hospital, I was off work for 2 months to build up my strength and get things back to slightly normal. At first, having the bag was weird. I took a change of clothes and extra bags everywhere with me. I even had a squirt bottle with me to rinse out the bag but later learned I really didn't need to do that. But I had an excellent ET nurse that showed me the ropes during my stay in the hospital, and she saw me almost every day.
I use a one-piece drainable pouch that I change every 3-4 days, but the 2-piece system seems to be more popular with a lot of members. Again, this works best for me. Once you have gone through the surgery, you should inquire about free samples from all of the companies that make bags such as Convatec, Hollister, etc., etc., and find out what works best for you.
You will have good days and bad. Hopefully more good than bad. You'll adjust to your new friend and its little quirks. The number one rule my surgeon and ET nurse told me to remember was to chew my food up very well. Having an ileostomy makes your system susceptible to obstructions. For me, it's like having rolling gas that is extremely uncomfortable and sometimes painful. You will learn which foods affect your system like peanuts or pineapple or any natural fibrous foods. But no more woofing down your food. You'll be thankful later.
At first, you might be paranoid about the bag showing through your clothes. But no one ever knew I had a bag unless I told them. And depending on what type of bag system works for you, you will eventually have a leak. It's not the end of the world, but in that moment, you'll think it is. People have accidents all the time.
I had 2 leaks the first year I had the bag because I left it on too long and was drinking a lot of beer. I woke up with a football-sized bag from gas that was leaking shit under the wafer to one side. I was mortified. But, I never let that happen again. The second time I had a leak was due to bag construction failure. It wasn't bad, but it was enough to get a little waste on my clothes. I wrote the company, and they were nice enough to send me a lot of free samples. I've had other mishaps with the bag, but it's something you get used to.
You will learn and adapt. You will find out what works best for you. I could go on and on, but I don't want to bore you to death. Just remember not to let the bag define you in the long run. The first few months are the toughest for adjustment. I think I was able to adjust faster and luckier than most people because I was pain-free, didn't have to run to the bathroom every time I turned around anymore, and I no longer had to take medication for my stomach problems.
I will be happy, as everyone else here will be, to answer any questions you may have as there are NO stupid or shameful questions, and you can ask anything you want. I hope this helps.
Bain