Anger Over Breakups Caused by Materialism

The more I read about people being dumped by their spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend over a bag, the madder I get. I can't believe that there are people out there that are so shallow that they would end a long-term relationship or marriage due to a bag. Whatever happened to "For better or for worse" or "in sickness and in health"? If you truly love that person, it should not matter. Someone that shallow deserves to end up with a bag and then get dumped!

Hi DH, I totally agree. My partner was very scared when I first had my colostomy but stood by me every step of the way. It has been a very rocky 12 months, so if any of the people that this has happened to, all I can say is they are not worth your time or energy. They should build a bridge and get over it. We are the ones who have to live with the pain and suffering. Rant over. Take care.

Sadly, it's the way of the world. Ignorance, fear, and insecurity all contribute to why these people are how they are. :(

Also, another response that I've come across myself, that I feel can be as hurtful, if not more so, is "Just don't tell me, I don't want to know." At least with the first instance, you know they aren't worth your time.

I have been very blessed with a spouse who embraces the new me. I think I have more of an issue with things (getting used to it, self-esteem wise) than he does. I've had my ileostomy since 12-8-10; and it has been a huge adjustment because I didn't have any warning... Lupus killed my colon and I only had about 2 weeks of lower GI symptoms before it happened. My large intestine perforated in 3 places; I became septic; and the rest... Anyway, he just views the bag and stoma as a part of me now and words cannot adequately express how thankful I am for this man. This is my 2nd marriage; and I have no doubt that my first husband would have walked out. I could have looked like Angelina Jolie everywhere else but if he had to look at a stoma/bag situation he would have seen me in a very flawed light. And, that, my friends, is one of the many reasons there is now an X by his name!

Staying Hydrated with an Ostomy with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Those that matter don't mind; those that mind don't matter.......

DH, I'm a strong believer in karma, what goes around comes around, the bastards in this world will get what's coming to them, believe me!

yep!~!!!!!! too right!!

Couldn't agree more. Karma does work........Selfish, bitter and mean spirited losers, attract only the same. BEG

Ignorance does seem to be the word, folks! Whether it be "Oh, I don't want to know" or "Too much information," these seem to be the replies of most people. It's easy to say these people aren't worth our time, but having been bitten once, I'll not be jumping in again any time soon. Rejection is difficult under any circumstance! Having a buddy bag along makes it that bit harder to get back up again! It's all part of life today, so we all just have to grin and bear it, I guess! Will always remain positive though! I'm alive and that's what counts most!! :-)

You're a wise man, Dandare. Being positive doesn't mean you haven't been hurt; it just means you're not going to allow failed relationships to consume your life. There's no such thing as getting even or anything worse than bitter, spiteful behavior, to ruin your chances for happiness. The best revenge is happiness. May you never doubt that you are here for something special.

Just think of how hard it was for us to accept this bag. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. As far as shallow people, there are plenty of them, in all forms, don't be surprised, be prepared!

DH, you speak for me. Of all the things I've read on this site, this one gets my blood boiling! I don't know if this is because of or despite the fact I don't think I ever felt as loved as when I first came home from the hospital. My husband was just happy I made it home, and was far more accepting of it than I'll ever be! I won't go into the story - too many people have heard it. If I tell it any more, I'm afraid I'll be ejected from the site. I just can't imagine loving someone, maybe even having kids with them, then leaving them because I just can't handle it. Please! I don't get the connection between being married and in love and having an extra appendage! How cold can someone be when their spouse is possibly at the lowest point in his or her life, to walk out because of feeling uncomfortable? For better or worse, in sickness and in health has zero meaning to some people. It's meaningful as long as we're in a "for better and in health" phase. My blood pressure is on the low side and I bet when this subject comes up, so does my blood pressure. Uh-oh - I can feel the rant coming on - for anyone who doesn't know me, once I get started on this topic, you'd see that everything I just said is only a sample, so I better shut up now. One day I'm going to go on my rant and never stop - it will be the Lalu rant for all the M*****F**k**s of the world. I don't remember who said it, or even if it was on this site - but someone once told me she believes in karma and if things don't happen on their own, she makes sure that people get the karmic experience they've got coming. I don't even think she was aware of how contradictory (funny) that was.

BEG....Thanks for that! :-) Its always good to get a little reassurance every now and again and this is where I find this site wonderful. No matter how bad your day has been or how much life throws at you, a few moments on here makes it all a little easier. Yes, I've never felt bitter since having my operation. Life, for me, is too short for those kind of feelings. I've always been quite philosophical about these things and look for the good in what I've learned. Positivity is my motto!! :-)

I agree, DH, it is a very shallow reason to dump someone. I was one of those people who got dumped, but honestly, it doesn't even bother me at all. I have more important things to worry about, like getting healthy. Plus, karma is a b*t*h... the girl my ex cheated on me with cheated on him :) Don't let other people's stupidity get to you.

JaeBreezy, what you say makes perfect sense, but for some reason, this particular issue gets me more riled up than almost anything else in the world - it's certainly the major thing on this site that makes me want to kill. What's strange is that my husband couldn't have treated me better than he did for all the money in the world. He was amazing. I don't see a connection between relationships and the bag, but I obviously don't have much company on that one. I feel like I must be overreacting, but have no idea why. I agree with how you see things 100%, but what my gut says about it is a whole other story.

It's sort of like, you never really know a person till shit like this happens, so if you think about it, you're really better off than being stuck with someone vain.

That is the thing that worries me to death. I've had my bag for going on 2 years and haven't been with my on-again, off-again boyfriend of 12 years. He knows about it, but nothing has happened, and I do think that is why nothing is happening. So really, he can leave anytime, for I don't need that kind of shit.

Sherrybear, I understand. But don't let it keep you from giving it a chance. It's certainly worth it... Don't settle for less than you deserve, okay? Best wishes always, BEG

I was single when I had my stoma done, and I'm still single 3 years later. I'm quite happy on my own as I have a very close family. I know my ex would have been out the door while I was in ICU, very ill. He left when my ladies' problems started to interfere with his life (not telling me he'd got his bit on the side pregnant). His life is crap now, and I can honestly say I'd rather have my bag than a useless partner. Maybe one day I will meet someone who will take me as I am, scars and bag, but until then, I'm happy living my life as I want to.

Good for you, rosiemoe. A good one is worth the wait! The time spent alone doesn't have to be time wasted. I've done my best growing, accepting, and exploring during these times. You are free to take opportunities when they present themselves, without feeling guilty or selfish. You may discover your calling or that one really special person along the way. You are your most valuable asset, after all. Right or wrong, living with decisions you make is easier than existing in someone else's idea of what you need or want. Always be your own true best friend, as in the end, it's you who lives with the consequences. Salute, BEG

I had an urge to tell you, rosiemoe, that you're my hero. By the time I got back here, no surprise that BEG beat me to the punch. Easy for you to say, BEG, now that you have your Kentucky man. lol. We need to exchange email addresses, btw. I don't mean we NEED to, I mean I'd LIKE to. Will send mine to you. Send me yours so I can send you funnies that I get. And rosiemoe, you are my hero today.

The world is filled with small-minded people. You will find out if your spouse/friend/lover/etc. is one when you get a bag. Thankfully, my wife was not one of them. I feel bad for those who have learned that those they loved and cared for are in that small-minded camp. Two things you must get with the bag—a sense of humor and thick skin.

Hey all. I've been married for 13 years...and since I got ill and had my colostomy, my husband stays as far away as possible. It has been a long three years, and I have lost so much respect it isn't even funny. My marriage has pretty much come to an end, and the way that I see it...is that if he wants little miss perfect, he better go out and find her because you bet your ass I'd be there 200% if the bag was on the other person!

Hey, Betty. Same old shitty story. It really gets to me every time I hear it. Early this morning read a post on a different Forum topic or blog. The woman's husband is as wonderful as mine was. Got me crying to the point where I couldn't stop. Hadn't slept and after taking a nap for a couple of hours, woke up with swollen eyes. Not enough men like that to go around.

you are so right. Sadly, I never expected this from my husband. I 'm sure most people don't expected it from their spouses, but life goes on. I am grateful to be alive...and you would think that he is also. I guess sometimes love does have conditions...too bad. thank you for the reply.

I don't think much of any man that would let a poop bag get between him and having sex with his wife or any woman for that matter. It might seem a bit strange at first, adjusting to the bag, and that is normal. But please, impotent men, don't blame your wife for your inability to perform, either that or come out of the closet and finally and just admit you are homosexual. As a man I cannot ever imagine letting something as small as an ostomy keep me from wanting to have sex. Pathetic.KBD

Me again, hey, I have asked myself if this bag was on the other person, could I accept them? There was a time not too long ago that I myself had no knowledge of an ostomy or any of this IBD. Ignorance on my part, yes, for sure. So I could say that Crohn's has made me a better person, I think so. It opened up my eyes. I wasn't a bad person; it just made me a better person. This is hard to do at times, but try to replace the negative thoughts through positive thinking. I was rejected back in 2004; we were together for 12 years. It was hard. I look back now and thank my lucky stars. For the first time in a long time, I am me and loving it. I have ups and downs most every day. That's the new me! And life is great even on the worst of days.

I think what you wrote was great, nogutz! I find that I am a better person also after the battle I've had. I see life differently. I think that is the problem though... my husband does not. I've thought about if the bag was on him, how I would feel. I can honestly say that I would have taken the time to learn as much as possible about it, and do whatever I could to be a part of it alongside him. I also had no clue about an ostomy. I was totally blindsided by this cancer and had to do a lot of research. I have my good and bad days...and it's okay. My spouse doesn't think so. He calls it being lazy and self-pity. I truly think that for someone to truly understand what we endure...they need to either educate themselves or live it. At least from my experience...so far. So, I have pushed him to the back burner and I'm taking care of ME! Never did that before. As the saying goes...if you can't love me at my worst...you don't deserve me at my best!

Love that last line, Bettyboop! As I was reading your most recent post, with what you previously posted about your husband, I found myself thinking I really don't like this person. While I may think highly of everyone I've gotten to know on this site, even if I still only know them by reading what they've posted, for all we know, we see the good side of each other and in our real lives, some of us may be the last person we'd want to meet. Yet if someone chose to spend the rest of their life with someone, I don't care what kind of a bitch that person may be, how could their significant other choose the worst time in their lives to kick them in the teeth? In no time, my husband knew more about ostomies than I did, went to support group meetings while I was still in the hospital and found the first online support group I ever checked out. Someone on this site once posted that they met someone after their surgery, who talked about wearing a bag just to get some kind of idea of what it's like, to understand it a little better. While some significant others have gone above and beyond what might be expected, there's no excuse for reacting like a 7 year old moron. I'm glad you think enough of yourself to know you deserve better.