You Dutch boys do have a different view on life, I have to admit. But I think being full of yourself has a lot to do with it, Ed. And quit bragging!
Remember one thing, gentlemen; there is a huge difference between confidence and arrogance. I don't know any woman that likes the latter.
I'll have to learn the difference as soon as I grow up. As for the 25-30 year old, they tend to be from Ghana or Nigeria, and when you check for their profile, empty. Oh well, such is life.
Signed: Arrogant s.o.b.
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Poor, poor baby. My heart is aching for you. And you're not arrogant, you simply have no sense of modesty and I can't think of one time you've displayed any type of insecurity. You're an anonymous anomaly!
Dating....You do not share with someone you're dating that you are wearing a pouch...Second, it takes a long time to build a relationship...should you tell the person? No.....When...Once you have won their heart...and the person gets to know you, not your pouch...When a man cares for you, it would not bother him....Why? Because you have won his heart....
If and when you want to be intimate with the person...do something creative such as wearing something that does not show your whole body...This is where you make your mistake...I have learned to hide my pouch...wearing a large band-aid....wear something sexy over my waist cincher, wide elastic corset, etc.
The person would never, ever know....If this person cares for you....Don't give up the goodies so fast...Win the heart.....Give the person or show the person that you are a great lover...and that person will keep coming back...Men like mystery...Stop worrying about when to tell them....Just stop...If this person is the one...They will stay...If this person leaves...They just wanted the sex...Wake up....You can have fun...with wearing the pouch...Keep yourself clean...Take a bath every day...Smell nice.....Prepare yourself the day before by cleaning your bowels out....watch what you are eating before it's time to be intimate.... Stop worrying and become creative....Set the mood! Enjoy
Hiya, I live in a similar situation and to this day he has never seen my ileostomy. I have so much paranoia I turn the lights out. People deal with bad situations the best they can and as I found out that no preparation for this can be done until it happens and also unless you have been through this operation/life changing experience you can try to understand but the truth is.... They can't. Time will tell and talking openly can help. Sorry I've not been much help but just to say you're not alone in this situation x
I think the more you worry in the bedroom, the more you're going to fail... just relax and let nature take its course haha!
And that Liam says it all.
I feel that it is best to tell up front, that way you don't have to waste your money paying for dinner.
I found that since I didn't feel the need to make a big deal about it then nobody else does either.
Of course, the downside is that since I didn't think it is a big deal, my kids don't give me any leeway or additional consideration because I have an ostomy.
Sniff....
Ed
I'll be honest, I've never had any issues getting the female attention after telling them.. well, I don't think so anyway :/ Most just say "not a problem". It could be the older generation who moan too much about it, haha!
Hi, today's my first time I have been on here. Lost my wife 2 months ago. In 2014, diagnosed with colon cancer. Had the usual: chemo, etc. Reconnection failed. Almost died. Now have the bag.
Hi panhead511,
I really liked what you said about the breakup of your marriage and our tendency to think only about how we feel and not what it is like for our mates. How true. I think that if someone can't handle the situation, it would be better for both to end it even if it is painful, etc. If people are honest and get on with life, it's often better for both parties. This is obviously much more complicated when there are kids involved, especially young kids. Thanks for your thoughts... Heinrich
You know, if someone runs away when you tell them about your bag, they aren't worth dating in the first place. Keep trying, I am sure God will provide you with the perfect person! Good luck!!
In the past 18 months, my circumstances have massively changed. I've left a job I hate, made new friends, and joined a new band. I felt like I couldn't meet people or go on dates. I was almost resigned to being single all my life, but since I made the changes, I've noticed how confident I've become. I've been going out with a beautiful woman for about a month now, and she knows all about my ostomy, etc. I never thought it would be possible, but I suppose what I'm saying is, things change in an instant. If there are other aspects of your life you can improve, you radiate good vibes and people pick up on it! Good luck!
It's hard but there is love out there for everyone. I was married and was diagnosed, and my husband divorced me, took all my money, and sent the divorce papers. He also stopped helping me financially and wouldn't even help with the kids. I had a friend for over 10 years who always expressed interest. I was in a coma, had my whole stomach removed, had grafting done. So not only do I have a bag, I have my stomach. I have had over 15 surgeries and I got married again last year, so it can work. You can find love. Trust me, if I show you how I got all these scars, you would believe in love.
I find intimacy challenging but not insurmountable. For a date night, I make sure that I'm as empty as possible by taking a laxative the night before and wearing the irrigation sleeve by Hollister to bed to catch the overflow. Then, on the afternoon of the date night, I take an anti-diarrhea pill(s) available at Walmart, and repeat every 5 hours until intimate moments are past. No need for a bag or barrier. Just a stoma cap which I cover with 3 big bandaids to hide the stoma. It has worked for me for quite some time now. I also use this technique when going to the doctor out of town several hours away. It saves embarrassing situations far from home. Terry
Not to be pessimistic... but I think you hit the nail on the head with this one.
That's not good and I'm sorry that happened. I'm very new here and I hope people wake up
I'm thinking about getting back into the "real world" again, but not only do I have the ostomy, but I've also had a mastectomy without replacing it. I'm incontinent, and I chose not to get the urostomy due to risks. A companion would be awesome as chemo left me with neuropathy, and I would never feel intimacy anyway.
It has never stopped me from having intimate relationships for 50 plus years.
GB from Ontario, Canada
It's possible, of course. But I would be lying if I said there wasn't a hurdle you have to overcome in the process of finding the right person. In some ways, it's good because it will quickly eliminate the shallow people. But if your modus operandi is one-night stands or quickly going to bed with someone, that's when I think you're going to run into trouble. But even then, if things get hot, things can get overlooked! 😉🤫.
It all comes down to self-confidence in spite of it, and that's actually hard to do, but you need to work on that.
👍🤞
