Rejected for ostomy - seeking support and shared experiences

Hi there....my name is Eamon.

I cannot bring myself to get into the non-osteo dating game. I would love to write and chat..

Get in touch, we can chat..??

Eamon

Hi, I am Milton and I am a bag man myself. I have not looked for a date since I got my bag. I just wanted to say he sounded like a jerk in the first place. Please keep looking. If you give up, you lose. A real man will come around who understands and is not just looking for one thing. Don't let it get to you. Hahaha, wow did that sound dumb, lol. How many times has someone told me that? Oh well, the main thing is to keep looking. He is out there.

Well hello there, you're my first person to ever talk to on here. I have been with a bag for a year now and not one person to talk to. It's hard to talk to anyone about it because they don't understand. And thanks for replying back to me, I'm glad you did. I hope soon to talk to someone that is the same as I am. That would be awesome knowing that they understand what I'm saying. Anyway, I hope you're having a great day yourself.

Heyyyy, glad you got back to me. Like I said, you're the first person I have talked to on here. My day is going okay. It's raining here today, something we needed so bad. Hope you're having a great day. That is, if we can have a great day. Haven't had one of them in a long, long time. No, I am not a stalker. Don't know what I'd do with you if I had you, lol. I am just a man who has worked hard all of his life to face this stuff all by myself at my age. Never saw it coming. I guess I am talking my head off. Just so happy to talk to someone that can relate.

Well, if you're talking to me, lol. We could come on at anytime you want as long as it's before 10 pm. Just let me know. I'd love to talk. Ty's

Staying Hydrated with an Ostomy with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Ok, I think I'm getting this now, lol. It's 6:15 pm here. Just give me a time anytime you want.

Sounds good. Have a good night.

Hi there Rene. I'm back in wet and windy Ireland again!!

My brain is still in San Francisco...and my heart. I was in Reno Tahoe 2 weeks ago.

Eamon.

Hey Joe, sorry I can't reply to your message. I am not a full member yet, you see. Wanna see what the site is all about? Haha.

Dear Brown Eye Lady

I'm learning that the problem isn't the ileostomy as much as it's not easy to meet people unless you try online dating. It's awkward enough to meet people online. For whatever reason, I feel that it would be wrong for me to start dating someone without them knowing I have an ostomy. Which is a hard thing to mention before you even get to know someone. I've been struggling with getting back into the dating scene so I can meet someone to spend the rest of my life with. But I'm putting too much stress on myself before I even try. I'm still the same guy who had my ups and downs after my Crohn's disease was diagnosed at 19 years old. My passion is being in a loving relationship and not letting the ileostomy, Crohn's, or any other complications identify who I am as a person. Yes, it's a big part of my life and it's definitely harder to meet people to date at 58 years young.

Unfortunately, there are people out there who think having the high school quarterback or prom queen is what a loving relationship is all about. Most likely, I'm going to run into people who won't want to date me after I let them know about my Crohn's disease and permanent ileostomy. And I'm sure it will disappoint and upset me.

But after reading your message, I feel if someone is going to be so shallow before they even got to know you, then you're the one who lucked out. It's been just over two years since I ended a relationship after 14 years. I joined this site to see if I could meet people who had an ostomy in the Chicago, IL area. But there aren't that many people in my area close to my age. I'm like you, a brown-eyed guy looking for my brown-eyed girl.

I moved out of my house when I was 18 years young. Up until two years ago, I was always in a relationship. My Crohn's disease was an obstacle for me regarding getting married. It was important to me not to get married until my Crohn's was under control. The next 15 years, I spent two months each year either in the hospital or recovering from surgery. Three of my operations, I didn't have insurance coverage for pre-existing conditions.

I didn't think it would be responsible to get married and have kids without being able to provide for my family. As of six months ago, my Crohn's is under control. People who know me, I'm either swimming, snorkeling, or golfing.

Please know that you have given me that additional courage to go out and try online dating sites other than this Ostomy General Information dating site. My first choice would be to meet someone from this site where we can support each other. But I know there are people out there who want to connect souls and share a chemistry.

The only concern is where to start?

Thank you and the people on this general chat site. If anyone has any additional tips other than internet dating sites, I did join this site to learn and hopefully meet some new friends and maybe a potential partner for life.

I would greatly welcome the advice.

FreddyBoy

Hello and I appreciate the effort to pair people together. But I want to clear up any confusion. I wasn't dropped by a guy or a woman. I left my girlfriend of 14 years because she started to tell me that I can't be friends with people that she didn't like. And she was going through my cell phone to see who I was friends with. She wanted me to stop being friends with my grade school buddies. She cancelled any plans and pushed everyone away.

She couldn't handle my health issues and the relationship was such that I needed to give up on trying to find work. I left her when my friends offered to help me move versus not having a life stuck at home. I still love her but I needed to have a social life.

I would love your help to meet someone to share a life with based on supporting each other and making a life together while we try to lead a normal life. I miss having a loving partner. Any help in meeting someone would be an amazing gift. I believe living is giving.

All the best and I hope to hear back from you. I'm a fun-loving guy with a great sense of humor. And I really miss having a partner who likes and shares and supports living together with a life based on happiness and the support of growing nature. Thank you again for what you do. I think it's fabulous that you're helping other people who have had a difficult life with health issues that made it difficult to feel confident in dating. Hopefully, I can overcome my own self-imposed issues related to tapping lost so my confidence due to a physical change.

OMG, she seems insane!!!!! She was probably making a hitlist of your mates so only she could have you muhahahahaha!!!

Well, it doesn't sound like that was a healthy relationship at all. I'm in the same situation, newly divorced and struggling with dating in today's world. I recently met a young lady that said something I don't think I'll ever forget. She told me that I should view the bag as a barometer that measures a person's character. She went on to say that most people don't find out until they are all the way into the relationship that the person isn't worthy of them and this will help weed out the ones who aren't. I thought that was pretty insightful.

Hi Vanessa

Can you provide more information on the corsets please? I have been thinking about making something that's pretty and covers it all up

I agree with Redondo. I have had my ileostomy for 35 years. My divorce had nothing to do with my surgery, it was not an issue. I learned how to camouflage it and still feel sexy. When I started dating, I too, wondered when to tell them. I don't think you need to tell someone up front. Not until you get to know them and discover if you are even interested in them, and if there is chemistry. They also need to get to know you. After you discover you both are interested, then you can tell them. I have had nothing but positive experiences. In fact, it was the men who helped me heal being self-conscious and feeling unworthy. There are compassionate men out there.

Hi everyone.

It is sad to hear how many people split with their mate after health problems, just when they need care/support and love the most. I had my surgery due to Ulcerative Colitis about 10 years ago and I am doing as well as can be expected, I guess. My wife is supportive and understanding, but there has been no sex for a long time. I know we are getting older, but I still miss that part of our relationship. She insists that it has nothing to do with the bag and she has just lost her sex drive. I am not discounting her explanation, but I wonder if it is the whole truth and how honest she is being (possibly even with herself). I can't help feeling that she could make some attempt to regain the physical part of our relationship. I feel that without sex, life and our relationship is just not the same. This is the one place where I can talk to someone about it, so I am grateful for the opportunity to talk to others about this and other issues. Take care, all the best... Heinrich

It is very possible that your wife has lost her desire for sex and has nothing to do with your surgery. It happens to women after menopause. There are also ways you can camouflage your appliance by wearing something like a "tube top" around the stomach in a skin tone color. It hides and holds the appliance in place and does not get in the way. It comes in a stretchy type material. If you can't find any in the store, ask a seamstress to make you a few. I would also recommend you communicate with your wife about how you are feeling and ask if there is anything you can do to help her feel more romantic. Also, little romantic gestures on your part might help as well. Hope this helps.

I know exactly how you feel. I was married for 23 years. He suffers from borderline personality disorder and I got out when the timing was right. I got married at 18 so I don't have a lot of dating experience. 6 months after the divorce, I had complications from elective surgery and have the ostomy which is supposed to be temporary. I've tested the response by telling some of my friends and have had mixed results.

I remember coming out of surgery and realizing I had the ostomy and said "this will put a real damper on my dating life." The surgeon quickly responded, "if he doesn't like it then he probably wasn't worth it."

I had one male nurse tell me my stoma was "cute." So I think it depends on the person. I think some people are more squeamish and can't handle it. I would say those people aren't the right match for me. I prefer to see the person as a whole and would prefer the same in return.

Good luck! Hope we both meet our match!

Hi, could you please provide any information on corsets? After reading what you wrote, I remember a Dr. suggesting trying using a corset...

Wish you a beautiful day!!! 

Thank you

Seagirl1044

There is a book called 'Where the Sun Don't Shine'. It's a true story of a 39-year-old woman who was also dumped. Told she was broken. The book talks about her journey with a permanent colostomy. You should read it. The author's last name is Hartle.

That tells you what his true interest was and is. Only one way to get someone like that back is to tell him you have a lot of money and don't know what to do with it. You were lucky he got lost fast.

Too bad we are not closer. I was born in Arizona and have a brother in Scottsdale.

Hi, just wanted to say that I have met somebody on this site. Before that, I went through a few men. They were jerks. After I had told them, they wanted nothing to do with me. It does stink, even though you expect it, but I have met other men that didn't have an ostomy that were fine with it. But I would definitely try on this site, and there is another site called Osteomate. I hope this helps. I normally don't answer, but my heart broke for your pain.

The relationship that I'm speaking about is a long-distance relationship, and we met on March 1 of this year, which was the start of the pandemic, but we have been calling and texting ever since. I am so grateful I have someone in my life with the same problem and situations. And I've grown very fond of him. He did send me a text the other day and said he was grateful for his ileostomy because he would have never met me.

Maria

Just to let you ladies know, this also happens to guys. I have been up front at the very beginning and also left it awhile, but same results... But I'm sure one day...  -)

Hi, I went through a very rough time emotionally with my divorce and then my subsequent health crisis resulting in an ileostomy in 2012. Three months after getting out from my 6-month hospital stay, long hair chopped off, still a little weak and having lost too much weight, I met someone online. We met at a local public park after many chats beforehand. I brought coffee and homemade treats. We walked and chatted for 8 hours!!! Sparks were beginning to fly and only when I felt it necessary and appropriate, did I gently explain to him that I had been very sick, been in the hospital but was doing well now. Then I put his hand on my abdomen over my clothes so he could feel my ostomy. I then gently explained how it had saved my life. I knew it could go either way. He had lost his wife to stage 4 breast cancer 2 years prior and that he might not feel ready to take this on OR he would understand. Well, long story short, we have been together now for almost 9 years :) You will meet the right person. Be glad when someone shows you they are not ready for you so you can be ready for the one that will be understanding and grateful for who you REALLY are.

Hi, I am new to the ostomy world. I am a widow going on eight years. So I am not currently in a relationship, but my concern is that the ostomy will scare people away. People have said that if you meet somebody who really likes you, they will be understanding of your new world. But honestly, I am really nervous about that. And anybody who would react the way that that gentleman did whom you gave your number to, I would not be interested in either. It's hard enough starting a new life with your body being different, and you don't need anyone giving you a hard time about that.

Deanna