Hi. I have a question for you single ostomates out there who have tried the dating thing. I haven't gotten up the courage to do that since my colostomy and I'm not sure I ever will. Could sure use some input on the subject. When do you tell a prospective date about it? My gut tells me to put my cards on the table and tell them immediately, thus giving them plenty of time to head for the hills. But if you do that, you'll never meet anyone. Should you wait until the first date and then tell them? Still plenty of time for them to back out with no hard feelings. How about 2 or 3 dates down the road? Maybe you'd have a chance to get to know and like someone and vice-versa, but hurt feelings would ensue when they can't handle it. I'd love to hear some of your experiences, both good and bad, and tips on how you deal or have dealt with such a thing. I'd love to date a guy who also has a colostomy, but on this site they all live a thousand miles away...so that's not gonna work. Any advice from anyone on any of it?

When And How To Disclose A Colostomy While Dating?

Bill

Nov 17, 2018 8:10 pm

Hello dls. Now that's what I call a 'realistic' perspective!

Best wishes

Bill

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dls

Nov 17, 2018 10:54 pm

Thanks, Bill... there is genius in this womanly (too fat) body. Really, circa 2017 with chemo and radiation I only scored

141. Ouch! It has come back to my usual 160 as I heal and respect my body.

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Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?

First off, this is a pretty cool site with 37,000 members who truly understand you.

It's not all about ostomy. We talk about everything.

Many come here for advice or to give advice, others have found good friends, and some have even found love. Most importantly, people here are honest and genuinely care.

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Past Member

Nov 18, 2018 9:25 am

Dis and Bill

That is a realistic perspective. I've come to the same conclusion in the last year and a half since my surgery. I haven't dated since then and I'm not sure I will again. If I do, talk of my ostomy will be on a strictly "need to know" basis..if I ever get to that point with anyone. For now...for me...I'm just not going to worry about it any more. There are way more important things in life than worrying about that. Thanks for your feedback.

Linda

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Your 9-Point Hospital Discharge Checklist

Hollister

Before making the trip from your hospital bed to your home, it's important to review some essential care tips and precautions with your stoma care nurse.
Follow our 9-point hospital discharge checklist.

looking forward

Dec 22, 2018 12:06 am

Hi, nice to see you again. It has been 3 weeks now, and I am tired and still depressed. I recently met someone, and we enjoyed each other's company. When do I mention the ostomy?

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dls

Dec 22, 2018 3:31 pm

Hi weirdnewlife, how long have you been seeing him? I'm still extremely depressed, and in this situation, I would not be a happy companion. I cannot speak for you, but three weeks at my best isn't enough time for me. How much really personal info has he exchanged with you? He may have a plate in his head or a bladder problem...you never know unless he tells you. Again, I can only speak for myself, but unless intimacy is a glaring probability, I'd just keep the relationship going and enjoy each other's company--you'll get to know him. Three weeks in my world is far away from sex. Really far. Good luck for me at three months (and that's too soon for me, even with my new plumbing).

Everyone is different, so do whatever you want sexually, but as you are still depressed, would you be able to handle his rejection or abhorrence? You don't want to find yourself deeper in depression if rejected. We depressed need to be loved and adored with no baggage or excuses.

I don't know if I've been any help, as I can only speak from my perspective. Also, I do have a low libido, so sex is not high on my list of things to do. My main message is to take care of yourself: your emotional state (depression), your body image (your new plumbing), your ability to deal with failure, and even scarier--success. Let me know how it goes--you can message me and I could learn something.

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Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

Past Member

Dec 22, 2018 6:01 pm

Hi dis,

Your letter was a good one, but I'm not the one who posted the question. It was posted by Looking Forward. I'm not depressed and I'm not seeing anyone at the moment. Hopefully Looking Forward will read your letter. Otherwise, I'd send it to her personally. I sent her a private letter as well, pretty much saying the same thing you did.

Weirdnewlife

Aka Linda

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When and how to disclose a colostomy while dating?

Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

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