Hello dls. Now that's what I call a 'realistic' perspective!
Best wishes
Bill
Bill
Nov 17, 2018 8:10 pm
dls
Nov 17, 2018 10:54 pm
Thanks, Bill... there is genius in this womanly (too fat) body. Really, circa 2017 with chemo and radiation I only scored
141. Ouch! It has come back to my usual 160 as I heal and respect my body.
MeetAnOstoMate is a pretty cool site with 40,060 members.
There are people here from all walks of life - musicians, firefighters, academics, artists, photographers, paramedics, police officers, teachers, mechanics, entrepreneurs, surfers ... and they all have a stoma.
The main thing is - here, everybody understands what you're going through. And that feels good.
Many come for advice, others stay for the friendships. Some have even found love!
And it's not all about ostomy - we talk about everything.
🔒 Privacy is very important - your profile is not visible to the outside world.
Past Member
Nov 18, 2018 9:25 am
Dis and Bill
That is a realistic perspective. I've come to the same conclusion in the last year and a half since my surgery. I haven't dated since then and I'm not sure I will again. If I do, talk of my ostomy will be on a strictly "need to know" basis..if I ever get to that point with anyone. For now...for me...I'm just not going to worry about it any more. There are way more important things in life than worrying about that. Thanks for your feedback.
Linda
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looking forward
Dec 22, 2018 12:06 am
Hi, nice to see you again. It has been 3 weeks now, and I am tired and still depressed. I recently met someone, and we enjoyed each other's company. When do I mention the ostomy?
dls
Dec 22, 2018 3:31 pm
Hi weirdnewlife, how long have you been seeing him? I'm still extremely depressed, and in this situation, I would not be a happy companion. I cannot speak for you, but three weeks at my best isn't enough time for me. How much really personal info has he exchanged with you? He may have a plate in his head or a bladder problem...you never know unless he tells you. Again, I can only speak for myself, but unless intimacy is a glaring probability, I'd just keep the relationship going and enjoy each other's company--you'll get to know him. Three weeks in my world is far away from sex. Really far. Good luck for me at three months (and that's too soon for me, even with my new plumbing).
Everyone is different, so do whatever you want sexually, but as you are still depressed, would you be able to handle his rejection or abhorrence? You don't want to find yourself deeper in depression if rejected. We depressed need to be loved and adored with no baggage or excuses.
I don't know if I've been any help, as I can only speak from my perspective. Also, I do have a low libido, so sex is not high on my list of things to do. My main message is to take care of yourself: your emotional state (depression), your body image (your new plumbing), your ability to deal with failure, and even scarier--success. Let me know how it goes--you can message me and I could learn something.
My Ostomy Journey: April | Hollister
Past Member
Dec 22, 2018 6:01 pm
Hi dis,
Your letter was a good one, but I'm not the one who posted the question. It was posted by Looking Forward. I'm not depressed and I'm not seeing anyone at the moment. Hopefully Looking Forward will read your letter. Otherwise, I'd send it to her personally. I sent her a private letter as well, pretty much saying the same thing you did.
Weirdnewlife
Aka Linda