GRATITUDE

How do you paste it into Mr. Publisher, Angelica?

Hello Angelicamarie. MS stands for Microsoft. What I did was right click on your photo and chose 'copy' from the options. Then I opened up MS Publisher and selected a blank page where I right clicked again and chose the option 'paste'. your photo appeared upside down. At the top of the picture frame there is a little round 'o' with an arrow which indicates that left clicking it and holding as I move it, the picture can be rotated to being the right way up, I have tried downloading it back to this site but it did not work and, I'm pretty sure that this is because MS Publisher is the wrong format.
I hope this helps in some way.
Best wishes
Bill

It seems to be able to upload GIF format pictures - so I've put one on my own profile photos for now. I hope this helps
Best wishes
Bill

Angelicamarie.
I have just noticed that the picture in question has also appeared in the 'photos' section so you can view it from there. However, I doubt if you will be able to move it.
Bill

Hi Bill and Angelica Marie,
Hope the day finds you both happy and healthy!

I find that emotional energy is an elusive force. Where and why it originates seems very unscientific to me. However, I do totally agree that this phenomenon has enormous power and I'm so glad that you brought the conversation back to the base for me.
About a year ago, I was scouring the internet for ideas or solutions for severe chronic pain. I came across some folks who had been 'cured' of debilitating chronic back pain by unconventional means. The theory they implemented states that often physical pain is not actually a component of the physical body. An MD in New York had spent years treating patients symptomatically for pain and became very frustrated by his lack of success. A physical source of the pain could not be identified with reliability. So he started considering the brain as the culprit. At first, I was skeptical because I had been told for years that my pain was caused by a pelvic floor dysfunction from an old tailbone injury. I read on though because that dysfunction diagnosis never seemed logical to me. Why didn't it hurt every day? What caused it to flare? Everyone with similar old injuries didn't experience this! One day in frustration, I had asked a physician if this 'was all in my head?' To which she replied, "Your head is instrumental to pain." And the new treatment I was reading about was based on the premise that the unconscious mind, in an attempt to avoid unpleasant emotions, would cause a physical distraction (pain). The science in support of this didn't seem overwhelming to me, but then neither did the science that was blaming an old injury. I guess this "emotional distraction" theory had found that there was a very slight decrease of oxygenation to the cells in the tissues associated with the pain. Therefore, the pain was real - not just a perceived situation. And the cure? Concentrated mental focus on evaluation and discovery of the emotional problem and acceptance of this as the true and only source of the pain was key. Once the mind had worked through the process and redirected focus to emotional analysis - distraction was no longer needed - oxygenation to the affected body part would increase and the pain was relieved. The specific site of the pain was said to have been carefully chosen by the unconscious mind - the goal of distraction would be best achieved if the afflicted area had or was receiving attention. There's much more to it, but that's it in a nutshell.
This theory worked for me. I felt there were pieces missing from the theory, but I believe the premise and have not had this pain in nearly a year. This theory is Dr. John Sarno's.
I mention this because I feel like it's another dimension of what I am learning here from your concepts, Bill. I can't grasp the connection, but I'm extremely curious and excited to learn more. Thank you for all your gracious help!
Andrea

How to Manage Emotions with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

You're right, Bill. I can't move it. I'll just remove it.

Hello Andrea.
Reverting back to our discussion on emotional pressure;
In many instances, pressure can build up as a result of a whole host of different 'frustrations' or 'discontentment's.
I never classified 'frustration' as an emotion, even though it has its own energy.
Up to now, I have viewed frustration as a 'precursor' to emotion, in that, when people are frustrated, it is likely to the medium or reason for internal pressure to build up before an emotion is triggered.
From a theoretical point of view, this makes it quite important for people to learn how to cope with frustration. Which, incidentally, is precisely what parents teach their under five year olds. (or not as the case may be). We can build on this subject again later! After we've explored a few more mini-models
Best wishes
Bill

Hello again Andrea. Sorry I did not address your latest post. it was because it was not published until after my own was posted. However, you mention a very useful theory about the connection between the brain and pain. There is a very potent example of this, when people have limbs amputated and, yet they still feel pain emanating from those lost limbs. My father was a somewhat cruel and vindictive man at times so, when we were young and complaining of pain, he used to ask if we wanted him to get rid of it. If we said 'yes', then he would stamp on one of our feet very hard and, hey-presto! the other pain would vanish, in favour of the more acute pain he had just put us through.
There are many theories floating around with regard to brain power and how it works, but some of these can so interesting and absorbing that they can detract and distract us from 'working' on those aspects which will put us in control of basic emotional/instinctual energy. I have already tried to point out that the energy wrapped up in 'instinct', has been very useful for every living animal in terms of the fight, flight and freeze responses. I do not underestimate the importance of instinct in today's society. However, times have moved on and, for the most part, we no longer live in a 'natural/primitive' world where instincts would be most useful. Much of the world we humans inhabit is unnatural and artificial. In order to act appropriately in these conditions, we have developed logic and thinking as a tool to help us choose the most appropriate ways to act and react to our artificial surroundings. This is why the sequencing is so important. Because, in an artificial world, our instincts can be way out of line with the modern reality and we can act inappropriately. The combination of instinct and thinking is taking the best from both worlds and, acting only when these two have been considered puts the individual in control of their actions.
I have always maintained, that if a person finds themselves in a life threatening/primitive situation, then stopping, or even pausing to think about it, might end the person's life. In those situations it's useful to act first and think later. However, most of our lives are not lived on the brink of natural disasters, but are mildly threatened by the deviousness and manipulations of our fellow human beings. In which case, the most useful strategy is to think things through before you act.
If you are interested in the deviousness of humans, then there are still not many authors who expose this better than Eric Berne in his classic book 'Games People Play'. I like his assertion that all of these types of 'games' are basically dishonest and the only effective antidote ids to 'unmask them'.
Best wishes
Bill

Whoa, that foot stomp from your dad sounds terrifying. Not only painful but scary. The thought of human deviousness breaks my heart. I wish I didn't have to think about that. But I have learned that 'buried anger' can be a source of distraction. It was not a pretty realization that I harbor anger that is strong enough to cause physical pain. I don't feel like an angry person at all, so it was hard to accept. But case in point - one afternoon driving on a very busy multi-lane highway in Los Angeles, I felt nervous and started to experience sharp pain. Realizing the pain was a distraction from my mounting fear... I tried to find 'the positive' of being trapped in what I perceived to be a threatening situation. So I started justifying about how it was actually cool to be in a place and time with so many of my fellow human beings and how we all were engaged in somehow contributing to the world and blah blah blah. But the pain kept rising until I finally just said "screw it! I hate LA highways, and I hate that this terrifies me, and I hate that my mind is beating me up for being scared!" The pain took a hike.
I must admit that the idea of human manipulation and deviousness in an artificial environment paints a depressing picture at first glance. However, just as I had to learn that anger is a powerful energy, it follows that human deviousness must be considered as an element in the equation. Honestly, though, I don't want to know more about this. But I will if it's integral to becoming successful achieving TEA. Thank you as always!
Andrea

Hello Andrea.
I do so love the way you describe your feelings. It shows me that you are indeed willing to face up to the many things that are likely to face you and frustrate you in life with honesty and an open mind. If one theory doesn't fit then try another that suits you better! Please don't let my own biased and cynical view of human beings affect the way you perceive them. I do believe that there are many humans who have moved way from being primitive in their reactions to others, and they now think their way through life in much more acceptable fashion. It's just that I DO NOT MEET TOO MANY OF THEM!
Let's now move away from this to a mini-model that deals with a slightly different perspective. I'll document it on a separate post so that it remains apart from our more general conversation.

Still trying Bill

The series of 'mini-models' are theories that were worked out for different individuals that were asking certain questions and/or were needing guidance on particular aspects of controlling their emotions.
I used to sit in cafes and work on these theories by drawing the illustrative graphics on table napkins. I often reflect that drawing them gradually in this way, helped the people watching to follow the theory as it developed, rather than have it all handed to them completed. However, having written it all down and, with you being so far away, we have to make do with what we have.
All of my mini-models link to a concept of what is 'functional', what is 'dysfunctional' and what is 'neutral' as far as far as emotional energy is concerned. Needless to say, I believe that putting 'T' before 'A' is much more functional that the dysfunction that often flows from getting it the other way around. The first of these models is about emotional 'BALANCE' AND IT tries to answer the question as to why I did not adopt the same or similar approaches as my employers in the criminal justice system; the medical profession and in formal learning. For these models, I would like very much for you to get yourself a piece of paper and a pencil and draw the same graphics that I would draw if you were sitting here with me. The drawing is a very simple set of old fashioned scales - like the ones represented on the statue over the Royal Courts of Justice in London.
The graphic helps to clarify the concept of 'keeping life in balance' as well as identifying the basic techniques of balance.
On the left hand of the scales you could draw a letter 'D' which represents problems,Downward Drag, Dysfunction, Downward pressure, Depression etc.
On the other side of the scales you could put a 'U' to represent all those things that are Uplifting and the opposite of Drags.
Now we come to explaining two different strategies for trying to keep a balance when there are more drags than uplifts. The first strategy is the use of 'props'.
I would ask you to illustrate this on your drawing by sketching a stick figure underneath the 'Drag' side of the scales. The use of 'PROPS' is widespread in the medical profession when people complain of problems because they are treated with pills, surgery, etc, which, at best, tend to be short-term solutions to long-term problems. Once the 'props' are taken away, there instantly become an imbalance again, unless a different strategy is learned in the meantime. I also view formal , Curriculum-based learning as a 'prop' in the sense that it tells people to remember answers that have already been worked out, instead of helping people to ask their own questions and find out the answers for themselves. It is, in my view a subtle form of 'bullying' or brainwashing. It leads the 'teachers to the conclusion that only the establishment curriculum is right and any answers that are 'different' are seen as 'wrong'. The criminal Justice System is also a 'prop' on behalf of the established order of things but in that case they use punishment as the prop. Often it only works at the time it is being administered, just like the other props.
I usually use the analogy of props being like a car jack. The purpose of which, is to quickly and efficiently enable repairs to be undertaken.
If the car-jack is left in position, it is unlikely to help if someone wants to move on in their life's journey.
My theory postulates that there is an alternative strategy, which is much more effective at helping people achieve emotional 'BALANCE' in the longer term. That is SOLAR, short for Self-Organised Living And Reflecting. ( more of that later)
I quite like this illustrative model because it encompasses the concept that keeping balance is a 'delicate' thing as it can oscillate either way in the process of trying to maintain an equilibrium.

When I read your example of taking control of your emotions during your car journey, it put me in mind of this concept of trying to keep a balance by using your own efforts and strengths. This is the sort of thing that needs persistent practice in order to achieve a more advanced skill and a regular healthy emotional balance in life.
Best wishes
Bill

Bill, did you want me to see that you and LemonLimeViolet are still engaging in conversation?

Bill, I sent you 2 messages.

Hello Angelicamarie.
Of course, I am delighted for you to be involved with the conversation and I hope you will actively participate as well as just observe. If you observe at how many people have looked in on the blog, you will see that you are not the only one following the conversation but most people are content to just do the reading, rather than compile a reply. Andrea is an active participant because the subject matter is of interest to her and she is trying to change her situation in that regard. It's a bit like the other blogs and forum topics directly related to stomas. The reason some people respond in writing is often because the subject under discussion is particularly pertinent to them, either at the time or in the past.
I got your messages - Thanks and I've replied in one message. I cannot actually send messages myself because this facility is only open to full members, which I am not. My view on most of my own correspondence is that the site is much more likely to stay open and dynamic if the conversations are public. If everyone only sent private messages, then there would be nothing for passive readers to read and we would probably lose some of the newbies. Just a thought!
Best wishes
Bill

Understood

Hello Angelicamarie.
I am amazed that you replied so quickly as I thought you would be fast asleep when my post was published. It's almost as if we are in the 'chat' zone.
I am on my way to work now, so I'm unlikely to reply to anything else this morning
Here's hoping your day goes well for you
Best wishes
Bill

Wishing you a good day. Be careful out there!

Hi Bill and Angelicamarie!
This theory is so exciting. I'm going to mess up and not even type complete thoughts. Sorry!! Balance is the goal... right... no surprise there... using props? Yes! That's exactly what we do. Not to blame... props are how we try. Can't be mad at ourselves about that. And your car jack analogy? Exactly! Can't really move forward when we use a prop. They get your flat tire off the road but try to move and you just spin in place! Totally, totally, totally applies to curriculum-based learning. Spit out what they want to hear and you graduate! That feels uplifting certainly, but I've sure heard a lot of graduates say they basically just stuck it out to get that piece of paper. And actually, I feel like that. It's more complicated than that, but moving on...
Been mulling over the variable of emotional energy intensity levels. How some feel like a constant leak (lower pressure) and others are a (high pressure) blowout. The leaks may actually bear more significantly on drag and dysfunction (D side of the scale) - they just wear you down.
I'm happily anticipating the next step, and I expect when we get to your strategy for solarization, I will be equally fascinated! Thank you very much for continuing to share all of this. I think it's terrific.
All the best,
Andrea

How are you today, lemonlimeviolet? Bill is definitely talented! Have a great day, friend, or shall I say evening.

I'm fine, Angelicamarie. Thank you so much for asking! It's a good day indeed when a new hope is on the horizon. You have a lovely evening as well. Take care!

Hey friend

Bill hi, you're probably asleep, however I just wanted to wish you a great day. And that you get a lot done!!! Angelicamarie

Hello Andrea.
I'm pleased that you appreciated the 'BALANCE' concept. Before we move to the next concept I would like to try helping you think about the intensity aspect a little more deeply as it need not be quite how you describe it. The triggering under high pressure does indeed feel like an uncontrolled emotional 'blowout' and is therefore not recommended. As a strategy, this approach is often not a good way to learn about how to control emotions and it tends to be repeated time and again. Dealing with the things that create the pressure, as they come along, gives people the opportunity to examine and 'Think' about what is happening , so that they can reduce the pressure without it overwhelming them. It then does not build up inside to present a problem when next 'triggered'. This 'leaking', as you describe it, can be controlled and dealt with as it occurs, so should be viewed as an 'OPPORTUNITY' to practice thinking and controlling emotions. Every small opportunity to practice becomes a positive experience,(an Uplift) instead of a Drag.
I would like to provide an example from my own ongoing experience:
Sitting on the toilet and irrigating for a couple of hours every night, at first was a very real and potent Drag. It was emotionally exhausting because I RESENTED EVERY MINUTE of wasting my time in this way. The more I had to do it the more resentment built up, until I 'T'hought of a possible solution to distract my emotion onto positive thinking. I started using the time to write. At first it was rhyming verse - all about my stoma problems- which forced me to be analytical about them in a logical rather than an emotional way. After I had come to the end of the things I NEEDED TO SORT OUT IN THAT FIELD, I started using the time to write fictional novels. At first, these were also in rhyming verse, but that is quite a difficult way to write a storyline so after three books, I decided to try writing in prose and I'm now on my third novel in this genre. Sometimes I'm so engrossed in what I'm writing, that I spend more time on the loo than I need to and I'm completely resentment-free because I' distracting my thoughts onto something I consider to be productive and worthwhile in terms of controlling my unwanted, uncontrolled emotions.
The point of the example is to show that negatives/ Drags can be converted into positives /Uplifts as long as you can THINK your way through to that sort of solution.
Best wishes
Bill

Hello Angelicamarie.
Thanks for your kind comments and your well wishing. You always bring a brightness to the conversation that sets me up with a positive attitude to start the day. Maybe it seems like a small gesture, but it is very much appreciated.
Best wishes
Bill

I received your message about your work with the elderly and the handicapped. It is rewarding as long as you're not emotional. I couldn't do it. I worked in a nursing home because my next step was nursing. I was good with the patients but got too attached. So whatever time you have left, keep writing!!! Take care, Angelica.

Hello Angelicamarie.
You sound as if you are well suited to the caring professions as you obviously 'cared' both for and about the people who you were helping. Attachment, is not a bad set of emotions and can be very positive. What you describe as 'Too much' attachment, is probably not seen as wrong from the receiver's point of view. It only becomes a problem when the relationship is disrupted or lost. At which time, a combination of other emotions come into play, which we sometimes call ' the mourning process'. Many people do not know how to handle such an impact of uncontrolled emotions all coming at the same time, or soon after one another, which is understandable because they are often so overwhelming. However, they are also frustrating for the person that is left behind much more than the person who has left. I would therefore postulate that these emotions are somewhat egocentric. They can be managed relatively effectively, if the person takes time to THINK things through in a rational fashion and not let the emotional side take full control.
I have never been an advocate of suppressing emotions, but of managing the energy contained within them and making it work for you rather than against. This is the aim and purpose of most of my theories surrounding the subject of 'emotions' so I hope you will keep following the concepts to see if any of them make sense for you.
Best wishes
Bill

I also note that we have had almost 600 views on this particular blog so, presumably there are quite a few people reading it who have chosen not to join in the conversations by posting themselves. I hope that they all get something from the discussion and that they can feel free to chip-in if they want to.
Best wishes to you all
Bill

Right! Let's get back to the subject of uncontrolled emotions.
My next mini-theory was developed because many (if not all) of the people I worked with had 'suffered' with uncontrolled/ dysfunctional emotions for so long that it could be described as a 'chronic' condition. The internal pressure that this created often lead to depression at various degrees of intensity and depth.
It was part of my role to assess how likely people were to commit suicide. The 'official' approach to this was to use the Beck Depression Inventory created by Aaron T. Beck, which is a 21-question multiple-choice self-report inventory.==== Far to unwieldy from my point of view and it did not create a constructive conversation between us. so I developed a simple model of my own to measure the same concept.
I drew two dots at the ends of a line some distance apart and put the words 'BIRTH at one end and death at the other.

BIRTH o-------------------------------------------o DEATH
Life/Living

I would also explain that my area of expertise lay between these two points and I could not speculate about pre-birth or afterlife. Although there are plenty of others who would be happy to comment on those aspects.
By drawing the line in this way, an opportunity arises to point out that there is no definite length of time to the life line. If someone dies prematurely, then the line still remains from birth tot death.
I used to ask people to mark a point on that line where they thought they were. Invariably, they would guess at a point that represented their chronological age. It also was a very good indicator as to whether they were seriously contemplating suicide, as those people would put themselves very close to the point of death on the line.
I will not enter into a discussions on the rights and wrongs of suicide because everybody is different and each person has a right to their own opinions on these matters. My purpose in using this model was to identify how close they were to death and thus, how urgent the need was for some sort of intervention. The model also was a useful link to the next mini-theory which would show them more precisely some of the possible or probable reason's for them being the way that they were and feeling the way that they did.
More of that in the next model.
Best wishes
Bill

When you have time, we'll see, friend.

Angelicamarie