Nice tips, Tiggy. You know, if you use the Velcro pouches, you don't have to worry about the clips.
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Hey everyone, I have had my ileostomy since I was 15 (16 years now). I never had sex before that, and I gotta say, not once has anyone ever had a problem. I have had a very active sex life. I'm even the mother of a 10-year-old. I go on dating sites, meet men, and before it gets too far along, I tell them and let them ask questions. I also now explain that if they are into anal, that's not going to happen as that was removed in Oct. I try to make it light, but don't give up. Honestly, get out there, flirt, party, and have a good time with it. Most men don't really notice it. Sorry, boys, but sometimes you're a little oblivious, lol. I've even had a one-night stand or two back in the day. I hope this helps. Look how far we have all come from being sick?! Get out there and just do it.
I can understand why many often feel negative when it comes to intimacy. I think this can often result from personal experiences and a knock in self-esteem and confidence caused by others.
Since I had surgery in 2001 at the age of 26, I have strived to make the most of my (New Lease of) life and have achieved this by going back to university and studying for a nursing degree and have now been qualified as a Registered General Nurse for 2 years. I have also become a father of a beautiful 18-month-old son. So no one can say that I have not retained a positive attitude.
However, things have not always been so easy. I have had failed relationships, most often due to my ileostomy. And yes, I have often asked myself, "Is it me that has the problem rather than any prospective partner?" But on many occasions, I have been open and honest with any potential partner about my stoma so there are no hidden surprises, only to be met with rejection.
Then there have been times whereby I have kept my guard up until I have built up enough trust to confide in the other party, only to be faced with hurtful comments further into the relationship.
Yes, I know we can say that not every person we meet in life is going to be quite so shallow, and that I genuinely believe, but I often ask myself how many more knocks in my self-esteem can I take after building myself up from the last one. Some people are fortunate to have very supportive partners before, during, and after they have surgery, and to these people, I am pleased for. I just hope that those of us who have stomas and have had negative experiences find that same loving, supporting partner one day.
I would also like to add that I appreciate that there are people far worse off in life, and for this, I am grateful for the life and the supporting family that I have.
Mary Allison, I agree with you! Christopher, if you focus on helping others, you won't focus so much on your problems. I feel the pain in your words from your posts. I had my ileostomy when I was 18 years old. I am now 51. There are people who will accept you and your bag and people who won't. I talk freely about my bag and always have to anyone. I am not ashamed of it. It is a part of me. I consider my bag a "gift" of life and a "gift" from God. When someone scrunches up their nose in disgust or says "yewww" when I tell them about my bag, I feel sorry for them, not myself. And then I pray for them. I suspect Christopher that you decided long before you got your bag what you felt about it and about people who have them. I am sure that if the tables were turned, you would not entertain a relationship with anyone with a bag. I respect your honesty in your feelings about the whole thing. None of us would choose this. However, this is the only life I have and I'll be darned if I'm going to let the way I poop stop me from living it and enjoying it.
Well, the experience I have was the day before I went into the hospital for my completion proctocolectomy, me and my partner of 4 years split up. I knew it had been on the cards as he has never been the same with me since I had my ileostomy formed in September 2009, and now I think the thought of it being 'permanent' he couldn't handle it and fled! The only time I heard from him when I was in the hospital was 2 days after my operation. He texted and said, 'I have packed your stuff in boxes and you will need a transit van, can you get someone to pick it up? TA!' That was it! So I am now 5 weeks post-completion and in the future will be on the dating game. I have to say the intimate side of things scares the hell out of me as my confidence has taken a knock as he never wanted that side of things! So it will be a new experience for me, and I think that is what scares the hell out of me, but I also now know people who are like that aren't worth having in your life.
I have been told by many people that he will need me before I need him!! And he was not worth having in my life.
Like you say, I am sure things in time will work out. I am trying not to let it rock my confidence too much, but I think it has a little, as dating seems to scare the hell out of me lol. But I am not sure if things will change once my confidence is back to full strength.
Kelly x
Hi Pamela,
I just wanted to thank you so much for your cranberry juice post. After reading it, I started drinking a glass a day and you are right, it works!!!! My kids thank you too! They say, "Mom, your poop smells so bad." LOL So from the bottom of my heart and the tip of my kids' nose, we thank you, dear lady!
Pat
Wow, you don't need to attack people for their beliefs, especially if their faith gets them through their difficult times. This is a place and forum for help, comfort, guidance, etc. Not attacking. Shame on you.
Wow, you don't need to attack people for their beliefs. This is a place and forum for help, comfort, guidance, etc. Not attacking. Shame on you.
To me, truer words have never been spoken... and they are your words... YOU DO NOT NEED TO ATTACK PEOPLE FOR THEIR BELIEFS... even if they are not the same as yours. THIS IS A PLACE FOR HELP, COMFORT, GUIDANCE... NOT ATTACKING. NEVER FOR SHAMING!!!!!!! Never...
Shelia, I do not believe I was attacking him or his beliefs. Did you even read his post? I truly believe that Maryallison was trying to help him get over the feeling that he was being punished for something. This guy just reposted a snippet of what she said and did a long commentary on how people of faith irritate him. I did not attack his beliefs. If I attacked anything, it was his rudeness towards Maryallison and her beliefs.
Funny, I joined this site hoping to find some compassion, understanding and some helpful advice, tips, tricks, etc. I was thinking people in the same situation as I certainly would be all those things. I guess I was wrong. People are people with or without a bag. It's enough for me to try to get understanding and love from the "bagless" people of this world, let alone to join a site of "my own kind" so to speak and get hammered for my feelings and beliefs. I guess this is not the place for me after all. Good luck to all of you.
Now let us get some reality into this ucmama. Below is the initial post by Mary Allison to which I responded.
As I stated, not once did Chris raise the subject of religion but has to receive the above sermon regardless of his beliefs, which to me seems wrong. But aside from this, I constantly find it incongruous the criticism that will emanate from some religiously minded people if someone has the temerity to question their faith. By the way, if you read the post, Mary Allison expected criticism. On the flip side, I notice the deafening silence with regards to another post in this thread containing more vitriol and scathing remarks regarding non-believers. This does not surprise me.
Some of my very best friends are believers and attend church regularly but do not find it necessary to push their beliefs upon others when not solicited, which to me shows respect. Conversely, they are not immune to some robust theological discussions and do not endeavor to influence others by utilizing their religion. I have the utmost respect for them not only as friends but human beings as well.
Ken
I most certainly read the post....and saw a person speak their beliefs which were not the same as yours....which if I remember correctly is okay.....we do not all have to think exactly alike.....how boring would that be?
If you read for deeper meaning I do not believe there was any negative commentary on people of faith.......rather on people that feel the need to foist their beliefs on others. There is a difference. It is okay to live your life as you wish and even to express your views (well it's okay with me)....but when a person makes it known that they are not open to sharing those views then there is no need to get upset or angry about it. You can have faith in many things......I do not for one minute believe that is what irritated him. You can be passionate about something without being a pest.
You said if you "attacked" anything it was his "rudeness"......you do not think it is rude to attack him for speaking up? Perhaps it could have been said differently......but why are his "beliefs" less worthy of defending?
You joined this site hoping to find some compassion and understanding....but only wish to share it with people that think like you? People are people with or without a bag and people are people whatever they choose to believe. It is not our place to judge.....and anyone that considers themselves to be a true believer should know that.
Whether or not I like a person is not decided by what they choose or do not choose to believe in....I have found you miss out on a lot of wonderful people if you do.
Good luck to you also....and best wishes. No conditions put on that....and that is how it should be.
Shelia
We are all adults and it is not necessary that we approve everything posted. I reserve the right not to read things I find offensive, and dismiss them immediately. No one can make you read or believe anything. In real life, I simply walk away and distance myself from the speaker. I find myself constantly dealing with people who offend my sensibilities. That's life!
Yes, I am with BeyondAPA. That was pretty disturbing to write, so I am cursed. I have learned to love my Chezza. She is like a small cherry tomato. If you read about the amazing digestive system, you might think differently. I won't say I haven't had sex. I did keep my t-shirt on, but that was testing and wasn't worried about the t-shirt. If you understand that, it makes me feel really down when I hear such negative things like freak and despise. I think other people in here are doing it hard too. Not listening to this shit again. I am really pissed off.
Vicbear13 ~ Wow, you sure started an interesting thread. As for intimacy, I have experienced that intimacy grows only when I remember in every fiber of my being that I always only perceive part of the one I want to intimately connect with, and interestingly enough, the twists and turns of this thread illustrate how fragile intimate connections can be when the essence of the following story is forgotten:
John Godfrey Saxe's (1816-1887) version of an ancient story:
It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind.
The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
"God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a wall!"
The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, -"Ho! what have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a spear!"
The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a snake!"
The Fourth reached out his eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he,
"'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a tree!"
The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a fan!"
The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Then, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a rope!"
And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!
So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen!
Ok, I think I have got it now. I was very confused but have finally realized where I went wrong. If I get on and promote my atheism in a positive way in response to people's posts, I will not be railed at by others of different beliefs? Of course, I would, but and so I should because it does not belong here. But there is the paradox in this whole situation. And I have once AGAIN read the original post I commented on, and if that is not a sermon, I am not here.
Which brings me, as you said MMSH, to my post and the purpose of it, and as far as I am concerned, I stated that quite clearly. I don't believe forums of this type should be utilized as a platform to promote theological beliefs when they clearly do not have any relevance to the matter at hand. But then again, it seems to be ok to offend atheists, but woe betide someone who offends some Christians. Still not a word on the other post I highlighted MMSH? A surprise? No. Once again, I will only post what you term positive comments and ignore all the negative ones I read quite often. If only it would cut both ways when it comes to religion, but alas, this place is not much different to many in the world today judging by your comments. Toe the line or you will be ostracized.
As I said in my previous post, my Christian friends would not be part of this soapbox preaching (someone else's words, by the way), and a few have actually laughed when I showed them this thread. They are a little different to some here and realize that there is a time and a place for their beliefs. Mine included.
Bye
Ken
Oh my! Looks like I've missed a lot of interesting discussion on the forums while I've been so busy these last two weeks or so.
I did want to opine that it would probably be totally cool to engage in theological discussion and debate in the "Let's Talk" section, without fear of any backlash. If people feel like they are being preached to, it can make any situation extremely uncomfortable and I speak from personal experience (both as the preacher, unfortunately, and the preach-ee from time to time). =P
It goes without saying that some of us are so extremely devoted to our respective faiths that it can be a bit too easy to forget that not everyone thinks as we do, and that not everyone is as interested in our holy books as we might be. This is human folly, and shouldn't be a serious deterrent to enjoying an exchange of ideas, or friendly conversation.
Having said that, since everyone else is throwing their ideas into the mix, here are mine:
~I love God.
~I love sex with my ostomate partner.
~I love atheists, Hindus, Jewish folks, Buddhists, Wiccans, neo-Pagans, Shintoists, Catholics, Christians, agnostics, etc.
We're all in this together, let's try to remember that.
Just putting my two cents in because it seems like everyone else has!
I reckon Kenny T was just trying to have the last word there but thanks Tiggy, you seem to have put a plug on that!
And "three", there is never a post of yours that I don't think WTF?! LOL!
Methinks Kenny mate perhaps you're feeling a bit pissed off at this time of year, being Christmas and all, perhaps all atheists are like that around December (and Easter for that matter - sorta like being a bastard on Father's Day, LOL!).
Two cents over with,
To all (except the atheists of course) I wish you a very Merry Christmas!
Be of good cheer one and all,
Jo xox
I would like to know the real reason you decided to look in on this site? We all need positive feedback, you need to take a real look at the person you are. Do you enjoy being negative and what if you were the person with the stoma. We want our life to be as normal as possible, if you do not like what you see here. No one made you do it! God help you.
Hey Seasoned, I did not just check in here and I did have a stoma. Actually, a couple of them, but that is a moot point.
Take care.
Ken.
I'm glad you have shared your angst. I feel I was punished by
God at times. Not one man has been faithful, nice or honest
after I tell them. Easy to get laid. Impossible to have him be dedicated in the long term. I feel you. But now I'm looking to date only ostomates. I agree with Chris dating someone without an ostomy can be almost emotional masochism. In my experience as well, I get treated like dirt after they find out. No more flowers. No more concerts, dinners, parties or theme parks. Just put downs of how they want 'normal' sex with someone 'normal'. So now I refuse to torture myself with a man who has no clue what life is like with a bag. From now on I will only date ostomates. Chris, maybe dating another ostomate will ease your emotional pain due to having this ostomy. There are so many attractive women on here you may be surprised that a beautiful ostomate woman has been waiting just for you...her entire life! Who knows? She may want to make love to you 3+ times/day the sex will be so good! So consider dating an ostomate female. You may look to God later and thank Him, not curse Him for keeping you alive with this ostomy and be purchasing a lot of Cialis to keep up with your ostomate girlfriend. Don't give up. Someone out there needs your love!!!!!
I'm glad you have shared your angst. I feel I was punished by
God at times. Not one man has been faithful, nice or honest
after I tell them. Easy to get laid. Impossible to have him be dedicated in the long term. I feel you. But now I'm looking to date only ostomates. I agree with Chris dating someone without an ostomy can be almost emotional masochism. In my experience as well, I get treated like dirt after they find out. No more flowers. No more concerts, dinners, parties or theme parks. Just put downs of how they want 'normal' sex with someone 'normal'. So now I refuse to torture myself with a man who has no clue what life is like with a bag. From now on I will only date ostomates. Chris, maybe dating another ostomate will ease your emotional pain due to having this ostomy. There are so many attractive women on here you may be surprised that a beautiful ostomate woman has been waiting just for you...her entire life! Who knows? She may want to make love to you 3+ times/day the sex will be so good! So consider dating an ostomate female. You may look to God later and thank Him, not curse Him for keeping you alive with this ostomy and be purchasing a lot of Cialis to keep up with your ostomate girlfriend. Don't give up. Someone out there needs your love!!!!!
