Reflecting on a Challenging Day and Looking Ahead

Well, today was a good day, all in all.

I go back to work on the 5th of Jan. for half days the first month and then the doc will decide if I can go back full time.

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow for the pain issues I still have. I am always afraid to ask for pain meds because I fear they will think I'm one of those addicts you see on "Intervention" or something. By the way, where do those addicts get their drugs anyway? My doctor certainly doesn't toss around prescriptions and just how does one obtain drugs that are supposed to be used in the OR only, Michael Jackson...or how do they have "multiple prescriptions found in the home" Brittany Murphy. Lord, I know I don't want to be a dead addict but I would sure like a little pain relief without the weird looks.

I'm just getting tired of dealing with all the BS that goes along with this ostomy.

I hate not being able to be spontaneous, like I was. I am blessed to be here so I am trying to be as positive as I can.

The depression and anxiety I have been feeling is something totally new to me. I have never been truly depressed before and it is a horrible thing to deal with.

Goodnight bloggy.

I understand and love your poems. I have ovarian cancer and have been lucky to have survived for 7 years. This last year has been a horrible one. I have had 5 surgeries, the last a colostomy. I have always been ridiculously happy, and my husband and family have been through so much, that I have to hide the despair and depression I feel. I just feel I have survived longer than I should have, and feel so guilty when so many of my friends have passed away with ovarian cancer, and they would have loved every day.

I live in TX, Bryan-College Station. Are you far from me? I have owned a hair salon here for 24 years. Always kept up with weight, appearance, etc., and been active in scuba diving, etc. But I am scared to travel. I made my husband go on a trip with his buds to Puerto Vallarta. My colostomy started drooping (very gross) about 3 inches; it looks like a floppy penis (very very gross), so I have to wear a band around it so it doesn't feel like my insides will fall out! Your doctor works for YOU. If you need something, tell him. Thanks for listening.

Oh my, please don't feel depressed when you can go to the doctor and get something that will temporarily make you feel not depressed, while you get accustomed to and accept where you are now. I took something for depression in the beginning. I really needed it because I was crying all the time and I didn't want to feel that way. I had cancer and they were taking my bladder out. It can never be reversed. Eventually, I weaned myself off the antidepressants and I don't need them anymore. Be sure you are careful what kind you get. Some are cleaner than others. Some have sexual side effects; stay away from those. They have many brands and there is one that's right for you. It takes a couple of weeks for them to start working and there are various strengths. If 20 milligrams doesn't work, try 40. I was also taking Lorazepam for anxiety. If you don't want to use drugs, make a word list of powerful, uplifting, and joyful words and tape them to your mirror and read them every time you look at yourself. Txgirl, I see you live in Missouri? How far is it from Branson?
Lin

In October of 2008, I went to the hospital. I was a waitress at an IHOP and knew something was wrong. A girl that I was training took me to the hospital where I had a vaginal and colon check. I was told I had cancer and they could not help me. I did not have insurance and they hooked me up with our county hospital, LBJ. I finally got an appointment with a doctor at LBJ who got me connected with MD Anderson in Houston. They helped me 100%. I had my colectomy surgery at the end of February and then started radiation and chemotherapy in March. My cancer is gone, but I still have a hole in my rectum. I probably have my bag all my life, but I am alive and as the years go by, I am thankful for what I have and that I am alive. MD Anderson did a lot for me. I am on disability and am trying to go back to work part-time. Yes, life is different, but I am alive and thankful.

Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister