I went in for my appointment with the Anaesthetics on Thursday to have a little talk in preparation for my next and hopefully last operation. I will be having my reversal with a "W" Pouch in 10 days' time and I'm starting to feel a little nervous. Ever since having my Ileostomy I've wanted to have the reversal and try to get back to as normal a life as possible. Can't believe how fast the last 6 months have flown by. I'm trying to cram as much stuff into the next 10 days as I know after that I'm going to be stuck in the hospital for a week or two and then the following few months no further than 5 yards from the toilet. Just glad the snow has gone now so I can get a couple of rounds of golf in, go running a few times, and obviously have some decent meals with a few beers before I'm stuck on tomato soup 24/7.
Hi Steve - I have no experience of reversals (yet!), but just to say good luck! Please let us know how you get along, and if you need to ask something, do use the forum - there is usually someone here who has been there, done that, and got the shirt bag!
Take care,
Rach xxx
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Ha, thanks for the comment. I'll definitely be posting my progress back up on here when I can. I'm expecting it to be pretty damn rough for the foreseeable future after the operation, but I guess it's no pain, no gain. I've been told that it probably won't last forever, but that doesn't bother me. I get by just fine with my Ileostomy and wouldn't mind having it back later in life. I'd be more than happy if my W Pouch lasted long enough for me to get a decent career and family. If I were a lot older, I probably wouldn't even have a reversal, but life is already hard enough for youngsters these days without having to explain about my Ileostomy to everyone I ever get in a relationship with.
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Rach xxx
Stevo, by the looks of things, you will have no problem getting into a relationship with anyone, but I know where you're coming from too. It's so freaking hard to meet someone and explain about the bag. That's why I'm flat out messaging you here because I definitely want to hear how you get on after the reversal and also would be interested in any advice you have on meeting people with the bag. Just wondering how you went about meeting people in their twenties and if you brought up the whole bag situation early on or how you went about it! I really am clueless on what fellas will think about a girl with a bag and definitely need a male's perspective. You could ask your mates how they would take dating a girl with an ileostomy, and seriously, Stevo, be brutally honest. I need to know before I put myself on the line! Ha, P.S. Good luck with your op, love xxx
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Hey, thanks for the comment. I am in no way an ideal Agony Aunt, in fact, I'm probably as bad as they come, but I'll try my best. I'm not going to lie, before my operation I was your typical 20-year-old, mad as a box of frogs, student-type bloke, and I had a really busy social life. I was self-employed, so work was really flexible, and you would often catch me just meeting up with mates in the afternoon for a pint or two and partying hard at the weekends. I was never really a relationship person and more often than not just found myself having one-night stands after a night out.
Before I found out I had Ulcerative Colitis, I never knew anything about it, nor anybody else with it, so I never thought about it. It wasn't until I was in the hospital, really ill, and after my operation that I felt like I needed to grow up and settle down a bit, but it's now so much harder.
My friends are the kind of people that you would expect never to understand what you had been through, but luckily they don't mind at all. Most of them know all the details and don't mind in the slightest. One friend is actually a nurse at my local hospital and she's great, couldn't do enough to help me out.
I don't tend to go out even half as much as I used to at the moment. I think that having the bag definitely gave my confidence a bit of a shake-up, but I've always been overly confident and open anyway, so it's not too much of a big deal. As for meeting people and having sex, I've stopped having the one-night stands since I had my bag. Unless I'm specifically asked about it, I don't tend to bring it up at all really, and because I haven't really tried my luck at a relationship yet, I wouldn't know how I would go about telling someone about it.
I have, however, had sex since having the bag with girls I've slept with before, and they haven't really minded at all. Obviously, they already knew the situation, but I just made sure I always had a shower and put a new bag on before anything, and there was never a problem.
As for asking my mates if they would have a problem sleeping with or being in a relationship with someone with a bag, I've never asked them. I suppose I could ask them if you really wanted me to, but me personally, it now makes no difference whatsoever. Obviously, before the bag, I might have thought differently, but I guess a lot of people would be the same in that situation, and it's not until it happens to you personally that you realize what it's really like.
It's only my opinion, but I think before you can go out and try and find someone else to understand what you've gone through and to accept that you have the bag, first you have to be 100% comfortable with it yourself. I'm still not really keen on everybody seeing my bag, mainly because it's easier just not explaining to everyone, but I'm at the stage now where I have no problem walking around the house in front of family and some friends topless.
I'm hoping that when I've had my reversal and got my toilet trips under control, I can get back to my old mischievous self pretty much, and I guess try and find myself a better half. I know the next thing is that I'm going to have to explain to people about having a couple of big bad-ass scars, but that's much easier to get around than explaining about the bag.
I'm not sure if this has been very helpful to you or not, but just give me a shout if you ever want to ask anything. I'm pretty open and certainly not shy. I'll try and write back before I go in for my operation on Friday, but I'm likely to be in the hospital for up to 2 weeks, and although I'll take a laptop in, I doubt I'll have an internet connection, so it might be a couple of weeks before I can get back to everyone. =)
Jeez Steve, that's plenty of good advice. Definitely should consider the whole agony aunt business! Hopefully by now you're all over the op; it will be uphill for a while but definitely worth it in the long run, I'm sure!!
Would really like an update on how you're doing with the pouch after you've recovered well enough from the op, of course.
I'm still a bit weird with the bag, can't even look at myself in the mirror with it on, never mind let the fam or friends have a glance. Wish I had that confidence with it, but hopefully I'll be getting the reversal soon enough too, just waiting on tests to see if I'm fit for it, fingers crossed!
Well, I was in a long-term relationship when I got the bag, and have to say he really didn't mind it at all, but it's different when you're with someone rather than meeting someone with it. We're still good friends as he's the father of my children, but asking him about advice on how he felt about the bag in order for me to gain information on meeting Mr. Right would sort of be like throwing salt on an open wound for him since we split. That's the reason why I'm opening up on this website to find out the nitty-gritty facts about how people react to someone getting intimate with a bag, if only there was a Sex and the City for us girls with bags!!!
I know deep down that if a person wants to be with me they will accept bag and all, but that's not the issue. I'm just really anxious about when the right time is to tell them and how to literally go about it!!?
Anyhoo, agony aunt Steve, my wee dramas are so unimportant right now. Hope you're feeling comfortable and will be in top form soon. Can't wait to find out all about life after the reversal, and as for the scars, Stevo, you're a freaking fella for God's sake, you will be wearing them like a badge!! All the best, Steph xxx
I guess you haven't seen my most recent blog =P. Sadly, the operation got cancelled at the very last minute, so I've now got to wait for a new date to come through and should expect it to be at least another month or two. I guess on the upside, it gives me more time to get fit before I go for the op =/
And yes, I see what you mean about it being different being in a relationship before the bag and trying to find a relationship after the bag. As for feeling comfortable and confident with the bag, I'm sure it will come in time. Just out of interest, how long have you had the bag so far? Fingers crossed tests come back all good and you can get in for the reversal nice and fast. I don't know what the waiting list for a reversal is in Ireland, but it's very short in England. I went on the waiting list on the 27th Sept 2010, and my operation date was supposed to be 21st Jan 2011, so less than 4 months x
God, that is terrible, Steve. You must be so disappointed, especially when you get yourself in the frame of mind for an op itself, never mind a reversal, just to have it torn away minutes before you think you're having it. I would have cracked up there and then! But as you say, it will give you time to build up more strength that will help with your recovery. Still, I'm sure you're raging about it; I would be absolutely fuming.
I had my surgery in July 2007, so yes, there is a bit of a wait alright in Ireland for the op! I did have it tough though, as it was just 6 months after our first baby was born. Then, about 6 months later, I took a hernia from carrying the baby too much too soon after the op and had to have a hernia repair op on Boxing Day, best Christmas ever! Soon after, we planned to have a second child as there is a big chance after the reversal that a woman can become infertile. No bother there; having the baby was fine, and the pregnancy with the bag was much the same as without. So, I'm all ready to go for the reversal when the surgeon informs me that there's a 50/50 chance I might not be able to have it as they never actually diagnosed me with ulcerative colitis, but they're pretty sure it is! Now, I've been waiting basically the same amount of time you have been for getting your reversal, just to get a freaking test to see if I'm fit for the reversal. It's ridiculous, and like you, I do understand that beds in intensive care are like gold dust, but I so wish I could just push the fast forward button and have it all over with; it's the waiting that kills me!
Anyhoo, Stevo, keep me posted when you get sorted with a date for the reversal. Looking forward to hearing how you get on with it. Also, from an agony aunt perspective, keep me posted with any helpful advice for a girl getting out and about with a bag! Steph xxx