I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease in 1994, and it progressively got worse until I had multiple fistulas going from my colon to my bladder (yuck) and abscesses in my lower abdominal area. They ultimately had to take out my whole colon and rectum to save my life in the summer of 2000. The next year of my life was awful; the abscesses came back, the ileostomy was poorly constructed and didn't work properly, and my bladder was seriously messed up from the fistulas and the trauma of surgeries.
In the summer of 2001 (why does this always have to ruin my summers), I had to have another life-saving surgery that took some of my small bowel and created a better-constructed ileostomy, and this caused me to stay in the hospital for seven months with no food and a steady diet of TPN (total parenteral nutrition). I ultimately ran out of short-term disability and lost my job. I had to go on state insurance and social security to keep my car (which I was loaning out to friends while I was in the hospital) and apartment that I wasn't living in and couldn't sublet. I remember watching the horrible events of September 11th, 2001, from my hospital bed, weeping my eyes out for those people in those towers and thinking I was lucky to be alive. I had really been feeling sorry for myself up to this point, and something like that can really put things in perspective and make you change your outlook on life.
My last few months in the hospital, I had one final surgery, had my morphine pump removed (I now know what it is like to be a junkie going through withdrawals after being on a morphine pump for 5 months), and ate my first meal (even hospital food tastes good if you haven't eaten for 6 months). By New Year's Eve 2002, I was out of the hospital on my way to a partial recovery. My friends took me out to eat lobster and steak at a nice restaurant, and I didn't have to worry about what I was going to eat because the Crohn's had been completely cut out of my body at this point. My New Year's resolution was to appreciate everything I had, maintain a positive outlook, and try to see the good in everything.
I got my job back by June, and I was back to the daily grind. I paid off a lot of my debts from that time and got my credit back in order. Both of my parents are dead, and my brother lives out of state, so I did not have a lot of family support during this time, but I have the most supportive friends who were by my side this whole time, and I couldn't have done it without them, both financially and emotionally.
Right now, I live alone with a cat in my apartment, still thankful for every second I have on this earth. My friends are still there for emotional support. The ileostomy is working well, and there have been no Crohn's issues for years. My only problem now that I am still seeing doctors for is bladder damage that has caused incontinence. We are working out a surgical plan for this now, but I am a very unusual case, and they are trying to put together a plan of attack because they can only go in once to fix it, so it needs to go perfectly.
Socially, it has been really hard for me with this ileostomy to meet new people, especially potential dates. I always feel like I am hiding something from them, which causes me to have anxiety, and when I do tell them, I worry that it is a turn-off. Needless to say, I have taken myself out of the dating pool over the last couple of years to reduce this stress. I am still thankful for every day, but I am worried that I will die alone, and this frightens me.
In the summer of 2001 (why does this always have to ruin my summers), I had to have another life-saving surgery that took some of my small bowel and created a better-constructed ileostomy, and this caused me to stay in the hospital for seven months with no food and a steady diet of TPN (total parenteral nutrition). I ultimately ran out of short-term disability and lost my job. I had to go on state insurance and social security to keep my car (which I was loaning out to friends while I was in the hospital) and apartment that I wasn't living in and couldn't sublet. I remember watching the horrible events of September 11th, 2001, from my hospital bed, weeping my eyes out for those people in those towers and thinking I was lucky to be alive. I had really been feeling sorry for myself up to this point, and something like that can really put things in perspective and make you change your outlook on life.
My last few months in the hospital, I had one final surgery, had my morphine pump removed (I now know what it is like to be a junkie going through withdrawals after being on a morphine pump for 5 months), and ate my first meal (even hospital food tastes good if you haven't eaten for 6 months). By New Year's Eve 2002, I was out of the hospital on my way to a partial recovery. My friends took me out to eat lobster and steak at a nice restaurant, and I didn't have to worry about what I was going to eat because the Crohn's had been completely cut out of my body at this point. My New Year's resolution was to appreciate everything I had, maintain a positive outlook, and try to see the good in everything.
I got my job back by June, and I was back to the daily grind. I paid off a lot of my debts from that time and got my credit back in order. Both of my parents are dead, and my brother lives out of state, so I did not have a lot of family support during this time, but I have the most supportive friends who were by my side this whole time, and I couldn't have done it without them, both financially and emotionally.
Right now, I live alone with a cat in my apartment, still thankful for every second I have on this earth. My friends are still there for emotional support. The ileostomy is working well, and there have been no Crohn's issues for years. My only problem now that I am still seeing doctors for is bladder damage that has caused incontinence. We are working out a surgical plan for this now, but I am a very unusual case, and they are trying to put together a plan of attack because they can only go in once to fix it, so it needs to go perfectly.
Socially, it has been really hard for me with this ileostomy to meet new people, especially potential dates. I always feel like I am hiding something from them, which causes me to have anxiety, and when I do tell them, I worry that it is a turn-off. Needless to say, I have taken myself out of the dating pool over the last couple of years to reduce this stress. I am still thankful for every day, but I am worried that I will die alone, and this frightens me.
