Being Blessed

On 16 Jan 2009 (while on active duty in the US Army), I went in for a colonoscopy since I was having problems. I woke up, still sleepy from the drugs they gave me, to be told by my GI doctor that I have cancer. He didn't know the stage yet. I went in for surgery in March 2009, during which they took out 34 lymph nodes. One tested positive, so it put me at stage 3 cat B, close to stage 4. I also woke up with an ileostomy, which disappointed me. But I dealt with it as best as I could. I was mad and angry for many, many reasons - for having cancer and being a single mom with 2 children still at home. Mad for having the bag, thinking it was horrible, sick, etc. My thoughts were going everywhere - how were my children going to handle it? To my surprise, my children handled it pretty well. They were dealing with me having cancer. I had to undergo radiation and chemo for a month, then a month off, and back to chemo. I had several surgeries on my colon to remove blockages, etc. During all this, I couldn't wait to be "rehooked" up so I could be "normal". Once being hooked up, it was a long, long journey. I had to wear diapers, I couldn't go far in the beginning, had to stay close to home, or always know where the bathroom was. I had to take a diaper bag at all times. I started to learn how to take Imodium to slow things down, so to speak. I learned to watch what I ate and drank. I spent most of my time in bed from the pain I felt and always being tired, etc. In 2011, I underwent another scope since I had radiation done and the surgeries. My colon is so thin, they preferred my bowel, so I had to go in for surgery. So I thought I was doing better. Well, not really. I would speak to my surgeon about getting my ileostomy reversed, but I couldn't make the decision for sure. I started to have changes in my bowel. So in September of this year, I went in for another scope. It went fine, I was in recovery for a while. Then all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe, my throat was swelling up along with my eyes. They put me on a vent and took me right into the OR. They took X-rays and saw that air had gone into a lot of places in my body, which is why I blew up like a balloon. Anyway, once in the OR, they saw I had a hole in my colon (which meant stool had been leaking into my body), covered up by scar tissue. So they removed that part of the colon and gave me the ileostomy. Once in the ICU, I was told I had the ileostomy back. I was relieved. This time around, I am handling it better. I'm glad I have it back, and so are the 2 children I still have at home. We are able to go out more, not have to worry about diapers or bathrooms, and I can pretty much eat and drink anything and everything. What makes me happy is to see my children (I have 5 total), the 2 I have at home, smile when they see we can go out more. And of course, my grandsons who are 4 and 3. I still get tired at times, but I do feel better than I have in the last few years. I now wish I would have gone and had the scope done a while ago. I know I can't go back in the past and change anything. I am glad I went in for the scope. I have no plans of being reconnected. I will stay this way.

Hello blessedtobealive50. Thanks for your post. It sounds as if you have been through a great deal and have adjusted remarkably well given your difficult circumstances. I hope that things continue to improve for you in the coming years so that the rest of your life can be lived to the fullest possible. You do of course have the distinct advantage of knowing what life can be like when things go askew. This should give you a perspective of wanting to make the most of what you have got. I see so many people who have not been through this sort of experience wasting their lives because they do not realise the value of what they have whilst they have it. Best wishes Bill

Great post and welcome back to the ostomy world. I wouldn't change Tony(ile) for the world...my life is awesome with it. I still have my days with other health issues, but I keep it moving. I can relate to a lot of what you have been through. I agree, Bill, we are blessed. So don't look back, enjoy life and what's coming in the future...because you are truly blessed. Thank you both for such a great post.

Thank you both for the comments!! :). So nice to really enjoy life more with my kids and family

Your name is perfect...because you are blessed to be alive after all that invasion and ineptness. I swear sometimes I don't know how some of the doctors ever graduated. Anyway, you are quite the trooper. Your children know that, too. What a great model you must be to them about learning to overcome life's most difficult obstacles. God has blessed you with loving children and hope for a healthier future. I was just like you in the beginning. The bag was the end of my life as far as I was concerned. Now I realize how selfish, ungrateful, and wrong I was. When I woke up and the doctor told me I had a colostomy, I said, "You couldn't have told me anything worse." He said, "Yes, I could. I could have told you that you had cancer." I knew then how lucky I was, but I was still too angry to feel kindly toward my bag. Now we are buddies. My bag has taken away all my pain. I never get diverticulitis anymore. I eat whatever I want. I know if I'm bad and eat too much sugar, I will pay. I know that I need to be prepared for accidents. I know that I will likely have my bag for the remainder of my life, and that's okay, too. Thank you for your post. It is always so great to hear survivors' stories and know that there are true heroes out there in the world. God bless you in the future and may your holiday season be filled with love, happiness, and family. And may your bag be silent during Thanksgiving dinner. Loretta

Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

Blessed to be alive, I've had my ostomy for 22 years (cancer surgery in fall of 1990). My friend with bladder cancer didn't want to go through the surgery, so, I asked him, ...What side of the grass do you prefer?. When it's cancer, there really isn't a decision to make, is there? For the past decade, it's been annual scopes and surgery related to hernias. There have been dark days for all of us but there's always support out there. Every morning when I shave this face, I think that I've won another day! It's great to have kids, grandkids, and friends who understand ...

Have been through the same! If you want to talk, I would enjoy it! Steve ssheid@yahoo.com

Hello blessedtobealive50, I think we all go through denial, just plain disbelief. The bottom line is you got a second chance; yes, you are blessed, we all are that was allowed that chance. Live!