Need to apologize it

I want to apologize to all who have written to me and I have not responded lately. It has been a rough go since the last posts I wrote as my stoma has gotten very large, which is making it very hard to do things, at least for me. I have had to stop walking, which I love dearly doing as it was my one way of forgetting about this way of life for a few minutes each day. When I am in the house to do little things, I have to do one thing then go and sit for a while as the stoma is so large now I have to hold it with one hand and I wear a girdle and an ab binder to try and keep things in place, but they don't work anymore :(. I have also had to stop driving my car as the steering wheel pushes this stoma and I am afraid should I ever have to stop fast for some reason that I would do some serious damage I don't want. Our granddaughter has a friend whose little sister had a colostomy and sadly passed away just before Christmas as she fell out of bed onto her stomach and hit it and bled to death, and I didn't want that happening to me so I stopped walking as well for that reason this winter as our road is very icy.

On top of all of that, my output for a colostomy has been basically mega output even though it is thick pasty stuff. Some days I have had up to 11 times one day and over half of that day was watery.

Anyway, I saw my surgeon on Feb 3 and he had the nerve to come in and smile with that smile he has and said, "Catherine, good day, how are we today?" and I quietly looked at him and said that was not a good question to ask me. So he asked why and I turned sideways and opened up the big sweater I wear when out in public to try and hide this and told him quietly to take a look at me and then ask me that question again. So he said, "Let's take a look at this," and he did and his next response was, "Let's get this fixed," and again I quietly told him, "FIX it now." He showed me what he had to do the last time and what would be done this time. This time he has to reconnect the colon where he had to take a small chunk out because of the stool that was still in it and then he will be putting back at this point I don't think you can call it stoma as it is the size of the palm of my hand now and is anywhere depending on how long I am on my feet from 5.5 to 6.5 in long. After he looked at me he told me to see his secretary and she would get things all finalized for the reversal and by the time I left his office my surgery was booked for Mar 19, so 10 days from now I will be in surgery. He told me the first surgery will be between 6 to 7 hrs long. I won't say I am not scared but I would rather go in on my own two feet this time and know what is about to happen. Then before I left the city that day I had all the blood work done and my chest x-ray done as well. On the 10 of Feb I went to see the anesthesiologist to talk about what they will be doing to put me out and to control pain. I will be honest, that part terrifies me as he said that they will be doing a spinal epidural and anything near my spine terrifies me (I went through surgery 20 years ago where they took a chunk out of a nerve along my spine and now I have a droopy left eye at times and it droops more since this last surgery. I also have areas on my body, especially my back, where the skin is numb and if you get say an itch I literally take something sharp to scratch so messing around that area terrifies me). He said not to worry but then how do you not worry when you are awake when they do this part :(. The surgeon says I will have to have a temporary ileostomy till the large colon has healed so in three months after all the other stuff has healed I go back in for surgery again this time somewhere between 2 to 3 hrs long to put back the small intestine he will take out for the ileostomy, so for the next year I am looking at taking time for myself to heal properly this time and no rushing things.

So again I apologize for not answering my blog responses but I really don't have a lot of energy, still not sure why it is being zapped just because this stoma is so large but that is when the energy started to disappear on me.

Take care

Cathy

Cathy, we don't know each other, but I just want to wish you all the very best for your upcoming surgery. I hope it all goes smoothly, and that life takes a big turn for the better for you this spring!
Chris

Hi Cathy, sorry for the stuff you're going through, but it sounds like there's a plan to make things all better. You don't owe anyone an apology. I hope you have all the help you need to get through this thing, and I look forward to good news from you in the near future.
Prayers and all good wishes,
Mike

Hi Cathy. I am very sorry for what you are going through. I will pray that things will get better for you and that your surgery goes well and that you will have strength and courage for your surgery. The following link has some stoma protection covers that might help in the meantime. http://www.stomagear.com/?gclid=CJSyoNe-q8QCFUeEfgodjaEATQ Take care and stay as positive as you can. Connie

Good luck Cathy. I will be praying for you. Better days WILL come!

Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

Thank you, everyone, for the good thoughts. I have been afraid to say anything anymore about what I have to deal with, as I have done it in one other group only to ask for advice. I was recently told that all I do is complain and not accept the advice, even though what they had said was something I had actually done, and that all I wanted was pity. That was the last thing I want or need. But hopefully, after the two surgeries are done, I can get back to a somewhat normal life again. As it is right now, like our grandkids say, I spend more time in the bathroom than I have ever done. And if I don't have this surgery this way, then it will be happening anyway but as another emergency one. At least this way, as much as the first part of it terrifies me (the actual surgery I won't know one way or the other, so that part I am not worried about too much, a little yes, but at least if something happens I won't know), the first part with the anesthesiologist terrifies me, but it has to be done. So, I truly thank you all for your good thoughts and will let you know how the first one goes when I get back online again. Again, thank you very much for all the good thoughts and prayers. Take care, Cathy.

kakie, as said before, absolutely no need to apologize to any of us. But it's good to hear from you. I so hope all goes well. And you bitch and complain all you want here. If anyone doesn't like it, I'll give them an earful! Heehee

I too will say a prayer that the Lord will wash away your fears and pain. That He will hold you close to Him while He guides your surgeon's hands.

Thank you, Zywie :) And when this is all over, I will have to get your email again and sit down to write you a good email so we can get to know each other :) Mrs A., thank you very much for the prayers and good thoughts; they are much appreciated. My surgery date and time have been set for tomorrow. I am to be in the hospital at 6:30 AM, and the surgery will be at 8:00 AM, so I am told. It will take about 6 to 7 hours, and then, if all goes the way it should and as the surgeon says, I continue to surprise him, and I hope it continues as I told him this time. I should be there only for a week :) Again, thank you all for the good thoughts and prayers. Take care, Cathy.

Hi Cathy,
There are a lot of us pulling and praying for you. All the best. Please let us know how you are doing when you can.
Wishing you many blessings from Redondo.

Hi Kakie56, Good luck with your surgery and we will be here when you are able to post once again. Will keep you in my prayers, praying for a speedy recovery. Take care. LH