How do men continue on with dating (Urostomy)?

Hi all, I had my bladder and prostate removed last June. I'm still trying to adjust to this life but need to talk to people with the same experience. I would prefer a male as the question is something only a man can answer. Sorry, ladies. How do men continue on with dating knowing full well that without a prostate, a male cannot get stiff?

I know you wanted an answer from a male but  there are many other ways to make love without a stiff member ..that can make both  parties  very happy... practice makes perfect!!

46 dates and they all run when I say there is no intercourse. Can't practice if I don't have a chance to. It's a lot different without a spouse.

46 dates, wow... that is pretty good. At what point in the date do you bring the subject up? Sometimes it is better to become friends and get to know the person first... and not lead with the sword.

Always near the end. It just so happens that all the women I meet know someone or know someone who knows me, so they know what I have, and then it comes to "well, let's just be friends." Yeah, we all know what that means, lol.

Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

46 dates... you must be a charming man... try dating sites... but take it real slow... never exchange personal information or give money until you confirm they are real... meaning you know where they work, home address. Check them out on social media. If anything seems too good to be true... drop them like a hot potato.

But that's the problem with today's day and age: everything costs money just to meet people. Everything is done online now. In all reality, I mean no disrespect, but if I want to pay for a date, I'll hire an escort. That's just the way things are now, and it's sad to say, but I wish it were the old days.

Christopher Reeve was paralyzed from the neck down. He talked about him and his wife finding erogenous points on - I think it was - his ears. Sting and his missus do tantric sex where the man doesn't have to have an erection. So there are possibilities.
I'm wondering why you're saying there's no intercourse.
Google it - the research says 70-90% of women can't achieve an orgasm through penetration alone. (Though from my statistically insignificant survey in my younger days, I would say I only had sex with one man who knew what he was doing. This was UK men...)
I do understand that it's easier if you're already in a relationship when you have the surgery. With someone who cares about you and is willing to find a way for sex to work. I'm finding it difficult to imagine finding a man who would be willing to take me on with the way my body is now. But I have to be honest that I felt the same when I was young and slim and had a full set of intestines. So, the issue is with me. It starts in my head. Although, realistically, at 67 years, there aren't many men for me to choose from and a big pool of women for them to choose from.
I would suggest you have a search on the internet. See what suggestions and solutions there are. I don't know whether the usual erectile dysfunction aids would work for you (online there's mention of Viagra, penile injections (Ewww), implants, and mechanical erectile devices - I think these might be pumps). Also online it says that trouble with getting/maintaining an erection can be due to nerve damage and that this should improve over time - if it doesn't then talk to your stoma nurse. I see you're in Canada - here in the UK I have free and generous access to the stoma nurses but it might not be the same for you.
If you're open to paying then maybe do that, at least once, just to see what's possible. There might be professionals who specialize in helping your condition. If there's a urostomy support charity then contact them and see what's available.
I hope you get some guys answering who have found solutions.

Hello jphendsby,

Last year I had 46 radiation treatments for prostate cancer. Then a month later, I had surgery to remove some intestine and install a permanent colostomy. So, no more erections for me either. Also, (pardon my graphic descriptions), but orgasm is a whole lot different minus the prostate.

Sex or no sex, you must exercise the penis. Talk with your urologist or healthcare provider about getting a vacuum penis pump. A vacuum pump will induce your penis to get hard and increase blood flow to help maintain penile health. It's safe and works surprisingly well. It is much better and safer than ED drugs. I have one.

I'm 65 and have been married for 37 years. So my situation is very different from yours. My advice: Investigate getting a pump. Become proficient in its use. While it does interfere a bit with spontaneity, you can still achieve an acceptable hard-on. Don't tell dates you can't have intercourse. Keep the pump in the bathroom, zip in there at the right time, and come out ready for action. And best of all... you can use it again a little while later.

It does suck to have our once normal life permanently altered. I'm unamused with my ostomy... but would be dead without it. Only the lucky get old.

Good luck,

Dan

Hide the bag. I've done it.