STOMA NOISE-FART FILTERS.
Most stoma bags have filters in
but they are nowhere near our skin.
Their function is to stop the smell
and some of them can do that well.
But what about that farting noise
which, when it’s very loud, annoys
both us and people all around,
or at least, that’s what I’ve found.
How do we make that noise abate
before it’s out, when it’s too late?
How do we muffle out that sound
coming from our stoma mound.
Our bags, our hands, and clothes won’t do
because the sound will still come through
to cause us horrid harassment
and plenty of embarrassment.
The problem seems to be displayed
in the way that farts are made,
which comes directly from the spout
that lets the flowing gasses out.
I believe that this noise happens
like balloons and whoopie cushions,
where the air is pressurised
and wobbly sides are mobilised.
Thus, if something is wedged inside
our stoma, gas can better slide
to the outside world without
vibrating the sides of the spout.
Stoma plugs will do the trick
because the gasses do not stick.
This method lets the farts flow free
of noise, and yet they still will be.
STOMA NOISE-FART FILTERS. (continued)
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But now I feel I must forewarn
folk that plugs have been withdrawn,
so, we must try to find a way
to replace stoma-plugs someday.
Already, I’ve used DIY,
designing devices to try
to replicate what plugs have done
to control gasses from my tum.
Some have worked and some have not,
some simply fill up with the grot,
yet, there has been some small success
in slowing down that gas excess.
The tampon, as a stoma plug
acts more like a great big slug,
which quickly coats itself in slime
becoming useless in quick time.
I’ve used a nasal inhaler
as a stoma impaler,
but the end bit soon gets blocked
and acts a bit like a stopcock.
I think the next thing I can do
to help the gas flow freely through
is to insert a porous sponge
in plastic tube, then take the plunge.
I see no reason why this should
not be a device that is good
to channel gas within it so
it has no other place to go.
This would hold the stoma wall
as if it was a finger stall,
so stop the flapping and the sound
for which our stomas are renowned.
But irrigation is the key
so output doesn’t bother me.
B.Withers 2023
