Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
This time last year, I was looking forward to leaving the hospital.
A couple of days after Thanksgiving, my post-surgical hiccups stopped, and my voice returned. I could finally talk above a whisper. The PT nurse forced me out of bed for a "walker-assisted" stumble around the pre-ICU ward. Yea, I was going home soon.
Fourth day post-op: My case manager, infection doctor, surgeon, stoma nurse, and regular nurse visited me and said, "You're doing well, you'll be discharged today." Wow... going home. My wife arrived and was happy to hear the good news.
But, there still was all kinds of stuff connected to me. I asked the surgeon: "When does this vacuum drain come out?" "Oh, I could take it out now," he casually replied. Walked over and yanked the tube out of my stomach. OH MY GOD... did it hurt. I actually was out of breath for a minute. Nurses removed IV lines from both arms, and unsnapped the "vital signs" monitoring electrodes, then ripped the sticky pads off my chest. Ouch! Next, the compression devices on my legs were removed. The oxygen sensor taped on my finger got the boot. Then the supplemental oxygen cannula was tossed. The blood pressure arm cuff came off. Only things left were PICC line and catheter. I dreaded PICC line removal. But it came out easily, no pain. But the catheter was... not fun. The male nurse grabbed Mr. Penis, deflated the retention balloon, and yanked... I mean YANKED the line out. It F...ing hurt! I was trying not to yell. But, damn... It took about an hour for the pain to subside. Worse... I couldn't leave until I proved I could pee. Had to get out of the hospital bed, which as you know, ain't easy after surgery. And wobble my way slowly to the bathroom. So there I was, still in pain, trying to make it happen... and nothing. In my head, I'm cheering it on. "Come on... you can do it." After about 10 minutes, finally got it going.
Got discharge instructions. Home visit stoma and PT nurses scheduled. Then... no wheelchair. Nurse assistants were all busy. So I had to wait. They asked if I'd like lunch. I was now 132 pounds, down from 198 before this medical adventure. I had been "eating" a clear liquid diet for three days, after a long time with nothing to eat or drink. Hell yes, I'd love lunch. They brought me a menu. Yes, a menu. I felt like a lost sailor, newly rescued. I ordered all kinds of stuff. Well... only received what I was cleared to eat with my new pal...the colostomy. Even so, it was wonderful. The wheelchair arrived... and this little Ostomymate went home.
