WHAT I GOT – ALONG WITH SNOT.
I caught a common cold today
and thought I ought to find a way
to share this bad experience
with a potential audience.
It came on suddenly so I
asked myself, just how and why
a cold should strike me down so fast
and just how long would this cold last?
The tears and snot in eyes and nose
is not a thing I might have chose
to spend my days catering to
as I have better things to do.
I often stream with tears and snot
when hay fever is what I’ve got
so, I take antihistamine
and pretty soon I’m fit and clean.
But with a common cold, I know
that medicines don’t work, and so
I change my tactics, and I try
a different tack to get me by.
I felt that what would work the best
is if I closed my eyes and rest
the cold would simply take its course
and possibly would not get worse.
So, today, I’ve spent my time
just resting and composing rhyme
to try to distract me from what
would otherwise be tears and snot.
But writing is not easy when
I can hardly hold the pen
and I can’t see the things I write
because the tears distort my sight.
WHAT I GOT – ALONG WITH SNOT. (cont.)
Along with Vick and olbas vapour
I’ve used lots of toilet paper,
soaking up the grime and slime
all while trying to write rhyme.
But what has got to me the most
is, with this cold, I now can boast
that I have farted so much more
than I have ever done before.
These farts have flowed both fast and free
yet haven’t really bothered me
because I have been on my own
and farts don’t count when I’m alone.
I am amused by the amount
of farts that I think do not count
because they do not smell or sound
when other people aren’t around.
The humour is not lost on me
when farts flow from my ostomy
‘cos I don’t really give a jot
if that’s the only thing I’ve got.
Pain and output are the things
that normally my farting brings
so, when they come with neither, I
just smile and must then wonder why.
These little things I need to say
have helped to while the time away,
and time is what I need to heal
this stinking cold that feels so real
But now, I think I’ll go to bed
and hope that sleep will do instead
what my ponderings have done
to help me fight this cold with fun.
B.Withers 2023
