Schedule time for what is important - Making Sense of stuff:
The Pre-surgery Dilemma - HOW NOT TO SUBCONTRACT A DECISION
So often we find ourselves in that 'difficult place' of circular thinking.
Especially where elective surgery is concerned ....
Usually we DO have the opportunity to prepare for an upcoming intervention that is not performed as an emergency.
Sometimes we subcontract a decision without understanding the consequences of going along with what is presented to us.
It is important to be able to be present, alert, and take responsibility for our own health management.
AND EVERYBODY CAN DO THIS!
- provided "process" is followed to help to frame thoughts into a 'wise' "order".
My musings here are not definitive 'How Tos ... But, you have found them and may be reading them.
I am grateful when others share - Thank you - The 'Forum' is a new experience for me - I am learning to share!
We all feel - "I am just me!"
Which is so true!
But YOU are awesome - in the true meaning of the word - So, Give yourself a chance!
And, no matter what has 'befallen' on us - whether of our own making or not - we can all do better 'next' time:
So why not make 'next time' THIS TIME ...
- TAKE AN ACTIVE ROLE - to bring some ''arrangement'' to what is circulating inside the head?
It is liberating, helpful for others, and a rewarding way forward when faced with a dilemma.
AND because we never get a second 'first decision' - We only ever get a revised one!
TREAD CAREFULLY!
If anyone were to examine my profile it could be seen - that despite the number of occasions 'I got it - arguably- "right" throughout my life -
I have, upon occasion, got some things horribly wrong!
We can set an intention and we can do the groundwork - we might then be better placed to go forward with a
carefully balanced confidence - holding Hope - in the knowledge that we have done our best - and all may be well.
Recently a very sweet email arrived - and I was both 'concerned' - and humbled to receive it!
As a result, I figured that I would try and go some way to address the concerns and perhaps make a few suggestions - out in the public domain - to encourage everyone to believe they have the ability to use their brain to explore the truth of their own circumstance.
Recently I have had occasion to come to realize - over an extended period of coming up to 5 years -
that so-called knowledge with a small k 'I thought I had' about myself - needed review;
And although I believed at the time I had done sufficient research to have an accurate understanding of a novel medical device and procedure, along with 'informed' personal self-knowledge - both proved to be inadequate - and my own preparation for surgery was not fit for MY purpose - albeit the device and associated technology may progress in development and be fit for others' purpose.
During recent years I have become a little more informed about some elements of the medtech industry and clinical trial research and development.
I have also had the privilege to continue to learn and receive, first hand, exemplary practice and care, having witnessed true vocation - active and thriving.
That which I have learned - UNDERLINES THE IMPORTANCE OF ACCURATE understanding
based upon transparency of information to facilitate appropriate INFORMED MEDICAL CONSENT.
Every patient needs to know that INFORMED CONSENT is not possible without REAL UNDERSTANDING of information and ACTUAL background transparency to inform the VALIDITY OF DATA.
'Generally' - statistics may be quoted in many varied forms - so I will use the term generally, in this context to mean
'the greater majority' of MEDICS DO A FINE PROFESSIONAL JOB .... And some are just way above that line of
excellence - they have vocation, compassion and apply their skills diligently and with careful focused Best Practice.
THIS IS THE NORM: Hospitals and Clinics should not be feared!
And, as such We - the Patient Base, should not begin with a negative or unduly nervous bias when facing surgery or medical treatment.
USUALLY ALL IS GOOD TO GO!
However, returning to Topic, the fact is there can never be SURETY -
especially in surgery and medical procedures. This is a Truth!
If folk feel that some assistance may be helpful - which has base in empathy and reason - then this post may find a helpful place to be 'active', and possibly open some sunshine to illuminate a little clarity.
And so, what began as a personal email reply has found its way - in part - to be read here.
The reader may think - and not without cause - that the lead-in is rather extended and involved ---
--- But so too, can be the business of arriving at a valid decision - which may affect the rest of one's life.
So this post is intentionally, a slow burn ..... Frame of mind is important - at least to release the WHY and recognize a CALL TO ACTION SO ONE IS ABLE TO "DO" - In this case, to try to help make some order and allow a degree of Peace of Mind prior to signing for interventional Surgery and Treatment.
What one is doing here is simple: Aiming to provide the most basic framework for tackling a dilemma.
Many self-help books and management systems exist and for many people such techniques can be employed to good effect.
For others a more human approachable 'touchable' route may be warmed towards.
And from that, a somewhat 'fuzzy' start, a 'process' may begin.
NO SUBSTITUTE FOR YOUR MEDICAL ADVISORS: No!
The writer is neither a trained medic nor an academic exponent and what is offered is a personal 'starter for six' as it were:
It is given in good faith and with universal unconditional love - from heart - so please find its gentleness and good intent.
Please note well:
I NEVER EVER WOULD PROFFER SPECIFIC ADVICE - that is the domain of your Medical Team. .....
As with so many folk on here - I am happy to share, and if what is shared is helpful - then so be it ....
Because ONLY the individual can decide - according to their own circumstances - taking into account specific professional advice tailored to the specific patient.
Subcontracting 'ALL' of a decision is an absolute cop-out:
I am heartened when I learn others intend to work to prepare for their own upcoming events!
As IT IS NOT GOOD 'just' TO SUBCONTRACT and cross one's fingers!
BE RESPONSIBLE - TAKE AN ACTIVE ROLE - be a part of your Solution!
YOU CAN DO IT!
Process:
[No simply defined bullet points, numbers, letters will you find here ..... NO!
just 'little me' doing the best she can to help 'little you'.]
A good stress buster too - helps the illusion of our being in control!
GETTING STUCK IN:
Take it slowly - Get yourself a big piece of paper - [if necessary stick together four sheets]
Make two columns - this is especially helpful! A 'pro' side column and 'Con' side column
A space into which to deposit your thoughts - one by one - to be within their own space!
By the way - use a pen - not a pencil and rubber - it helps reveal your process of thinking -
any crossing outs, - 'to remain' - as does the trail of 'moving' of words, when they appear to confound us!
- One can often 'say' to an element under consideration, "Yes" - but also, possibly, the "No" balance exists too -
- as both come into the mind often at the same time / ie linked.
All thoughts as they come up - put them into one of the columns. [Single elements can be changed later if needed]
It is important [having learned from within my own humble experience] to reflect -
The additional pros and cons [what you perceive as positive or negative elements] gradually come about as you begin to list them - often over a number of days if possible .... then the 'elements / facts' start to become 'groupable'.
Clusters of thoughts - but not random anymore.
Gradually, you may find a picture begins to arise, and one's thoughts become clearer and more intelligible.
It is wise NOT to try and extrapolate too early - just list individual things as they come and put them down on the paper -
no matter how you rate their relevance - or not.
The reasoning behind this process:
Your writing down all that comes up - frees your mind - and allows you to suspend judgment based on muddled / conflicting thoughts circulating in your head.
If you find you are unable to put the thought into either the pro or the con column = put it on a separate piece of paper - or temporarily into both columns [you will find - other associations will draw its balance as you add more elements].
To iterate: The process of emptying your brain is important!
Having grouped and perhaps moved a few things - maybe even changed the word to more accurately isolate the single element ...
one can then begin to draft what you need to learn - by setting out "what you think you know".
As a minimum, the process helps to distill very specific questions, which you then ask your Clinicians - when they host your Consultation.
Responsibility:
It may be worth mentioning - [although I am sure you are likely to be well aware] - that your doctors work within a team for good reason ....
They too, as a matter of norm, consider the varying possibilities -
And I do mean to state the obvious here - But, I AM ALSO NOT 'ONLY' stating the obvious - What I mean to offer as a takeaway is this:
The fact, that by working through your OWN process, YOU are actually making a valid contribution to the overall SOLUTION
BUT YOU ARE DOING IT YOUR WAY:
Processing YOUR THOUGHTS
YOUR COMBINATIONS OF CONCERN
YOUR PARTICULAR ENTHUSIASMS
YOUR 'MUST-HAVES'
AND ALL THE GOOD THINGS REQUIRED FOR OUR PERSONAL BEST OUTCOMES!
Your Hospital / Clinic's Clinicians / Heads of Department / Doctors ALL have to refer to a 'multi-disciplinary team'
[Often referred to as the MDM - multi-disciplinary meeting] where your case comes up for discussion - and review:
This is the professional stage process [here in the UK - and I believe is normal procedure elsewhere] - which is designed to protect You and the professionals - so that ALL the specialisms come together with their particular expertise to bring focus to your particular case -
Thereby, this tries to ensure that most of everything is taken into account - without personal clinician bias [and of course because we seek professional opinion, we hope to eliminate patient misconception, and inappropriate treatment modals..
HOWEVER, What does NOT always come to the fore, which may not be reflected within the MDM,
is YOUR understanding of your UNIQUE particular medical history / [including foibles] - personal needs / concerns - elements of family-related medical facts [i.e., all the things you have on your big sheet of paper-]
AND, unless you do your work - some of these elements may NEVER figure within a decision.
Any one of which may be VITAL - Or not ...
SO BE PERTINENT - do not discuss your Auntie's health but DO include relevant family medical bio ;-) -
USE YOUR ANALYSIS and be sure to have a list of Questions that you have isolated as being:
KEY relevant elements within your justified concern
- ready for you to express when you have your Consultation.
YOUR CLINICIANS ARE WELL VERSED AND EXPERIENCED - AND WILL BE USED TO CERTAIN QUESTIONS - SO NEVER
EVER FEEL BASHFUL TO INCLUDE OR VOICE WHAT YOU BELIEVE MIGHT BE or IS RELEVANT FOR YOU PERSONALLY!
One's thinking can assemble all the elements that may go to make a bespoke 'Aspiration' and help bring this into reality;
Your surgeons and medics will advise just how closely they are able - taking into account the resources that are available to them - to factor a SOLUTION that is uniquely Yours!
When in the Consultant's Consulting Room:
I venture to urge you to be mindful that your Consultants' time is precious - and so is Yours .....
and so, I would add another one "other thing" into your 'mental ear':
We each have two ears, two eyes, and many other areas of sensing .....
and we have ONE MOUTH -
Do Yourself and your Consultant the courtesy and take the opportunity to ACTIVELY Listen.
You can never have that particular Consultation again!
LISTEN - Be Present -
Never shut down - even if the info is life-threatening - STAY IN THE FRAME.
[Have someone come along with you to your appointment who can take notes - which you then will be able to 'go over' with your note taker - after the consultation has finished]
Whilst in the Consulting Room, try and take in exactly THE FACTS - accurately
- and then also try and take in the 'implied' thoughts and the position of 'balance of the advice' as being presented. This 'balance' is especially important!
[Sooooo valuable to have a second pair of ears / hands - able to accurately hear and note down what precisely is said - in readiness to enable your own completeness of understanding when you have left the room].
Allow for a good interchange between you and your Consultant - Don't be dismissed or disregarded.
AND BE SURE TO MAKE GOOD EYE CONTACT!
Anything shifty - or any possible misunderstanding is often indicated by a change in eye contact - in either/both of you.
Eye contact helps to negate missed understanding!
Do not be afraid of ASKING CLEARLY "Your" QUESTIONS.
[Clinicians are used to some of our more 'silly' questions - and will kindly put them into context for us.]
Take your refined list into the room - and get it out in front of you - Refer to it - Often!
Take a summary of "what you 'think' you know" -
and feed that précis summary back to your Surgeon.
But only after you have politely, but firmly voiced your own Questions.
Read them out, one by one, and make note accordingly.
Have [as in ask and get] the Medic write down the names of the procedures and any medicines that are proposed -
Make sure you can read what has been written for you -
[Lots of medics write in quite small script - and quickly] -
Those who care, will spell out stuff for you - - Bless Them!
This allows - at a subsequent time - to fully follow up and fully 'receive' what has been exchanged
- USE THE NET to clarify / search the detail - Let it "sink in" - get to hold it - familiarize yourself with your 'medical plan'.
.... But do not fall into any trap of trying to understand medical jargon either.
Something still Left 'Hanging' - unresolved?
In the event, Anything 'undone - unresolved' that still remains after the Consultation: Something you feel that is serious amiss - or does not hang together in terms of information or advice - Get back via the Consultant's Secretary.
IN the event there remains non-resolution and you still feel you should not go ahead.
Seek a second opinion.
When 'Good to Go'
Schedule Horizons: Have steady patience and hold your confidence ....
Make a note of the timelines - Make sure you fully understand this element.
And NEVER allow Yourself to feel 'small' if you find yourself to be in the unfortunate position of being 'talked down to' - It still happens occasionally!
Understanding the timeline element can reduce stress enormously - because one is fore-armed with the appreciation of the likely time involved in healing phases and also WHEN THESE MAY OVERRUN and A TIMELY FOLLOW-UP REQUIREMENT MAY BECOME NECESSARY.
[Your team cannot schedule something they do not know about if you cannot play your part in monitoring your individual progress.]
Thank you for 'staying' with This ....
IF you are trying to Prepare Yourself:
Don't Fall Back:
Stay 'alert' - Hold your intention - You CAN do this:
I re-iterate the Mind Map for clarity - IT REALLY DOES WORK!
Try not to 'overthink' or go round in circles -
To re-iterate, get stuff laid out on a big piece of paper, in two columns;
Relieve your brain and focus your mind ..... It gets easier the more often you do it!
[There is absolutely nothing amazing about me - I just have had a little practice - that's all -
But, you know what? - I am never blasé either - Learn
