Overcoming the "Ew" Factor in Intimate Moments

How do you get past the "ew" factor of your partner seeing your bag during an intimate moment? Maybe it is all in my head, but I think the worst thing would be for a partner to say "ew" or make that face. I feel scared to get out there and date because I am so worried about this.

Wear a wrap. I use a tummy sleeve from a maternity shop.

My husband has never seen my bag during intimate moments. It's easy to keep covered.

If they/you are doing it right, their/your face shouldn't be by their/your ostomy. 🤭 If it is, you may need to use Iggie's suggestion and get a TV in your room. 😁

Some people won't want a relationship with you, and that's OK, isn't it? Just as some didn't before we had our ostomy, so nothing's really changed with having an ostomy.

You're not with the right person then, or it's all in your head, as you say. Often, the case is that it's the one with the ostomy that causes the relationship problems. Some push partners away on purpose, others don't realize they're doing it.

It's never been a problem with one-night stands or relationships. Take me as I am or watch me as I go; it's that simple.

Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

I always told the person I was dating before anything got that far. It's not an easy conversation, but it removes the unexpected and risk of a crushing "ew" during an intimate moment.
I'm now married, and my husband has seen my bag and stoma a million times. He couldn't care less. You might have to go through a few chumps, but there are good ones out there. Don't give up!

Thanks everyone for the advice and words of encouragement. This has been on my mind for a while now, and I just needed to hear from others about their thoughts and what they do. I guess maybe it's my own insecurities that are the problem here.

If you anticipate having an intimate moment, then wear a tank top over your bra and under the shirt you're wearing. During the moment, you can remove your shirt and bra, slide the tank top down to your waist, and use it as a wrap to hide the ostomy. I also clip the bottom of the pouch up to the top, and then it's smaller and not hanging so close to your lower area. It's not the other person that minds; it's you. Trust me, I've had an ileostomy for 39 years. If I can't see it, then I'm in the moment 100% and I feel good about myself. Your partner will pick up on it, and they'll be into you too! I have many tips for intimacy, clothes, swimsuits, etc. Shoot me a message with questions. Good luck, and don't settle for someone who makes you feel bad about the way you look. You're fabulous!!!

Get on with getting it on. 🤭

I had the swimsuit meltdown already and finally decided on a suit that is like a shirt and shorts, but made of swimsuit material. I don't wear bikinis and I was worried that a one-piece would show the bag under it like a lump in the suit. So when I got a suit, I decided on the kind I mentioned above and I wear a wrap in the pool as well to secure the bag. I could wear a wrap during sex too, I guess, but I know that that would raise just as many questions. My ostomy is higher than most. It had to be moved because the initial site was at my waistline and I couldn't keep a bag on to save my life. So now my ostomy sits right under my boob, which is weird in and of itself. So I feel really self-conscious about everything, and also about what if the bag popped or fell off during sex. I know that is a silly thing to worry about. I just am a worrier by nature. I worry about everything. I don't have trouble wearing pants or jeans anymore now that my ostomy is up higher, but I do sometimes worry about short shirts because if I lift up my arms the bottom of the bag peeks out. So I buy shirts bigger than I need them to be because they are often longer as well. So maybe I am a mess.

🤔 Ostomy or not, that tank top idea is full of foreplay possibilities, thanks. 👍

I went to an online shop that sells adult toys and underwear for fun times in the bedroom. They have crotchless underwear and bodysuits that leave some parts covered and other parts exposed. Sexy and practical. I'm in the UK and use Love Honey.

I wear a lace band from Ostomy Secrets to cover the pouch. My husband doesn't have a problem if I don't wear it, but I prefer wearing one.

I've been wearing a wrap from Ostomy Secrets 24/7 since 2016 (well, not the same wrap, that'd be gross, haha) and it does the job fantastically well. I also wear a Nu-Hope support belt, 6-inch wide version, and frankly feel weird without them both on anymore, other than sleeping without the support belt. Make sure to order a size small (for me, it took two sizes smaller) from Ostomy Secrets to get the bag support and feel/fit I was looking for. I have had hernia problems at my stoma, so my stomach is a big outty in the surrounding area, and I HATE the feel of the bag weight moving/swinging combined with my torso between my stoma and upper chest being skinny. My shape made getting a good fit tough, but eventually, after three different sizes, I found what I wanted/needed.

I've been a worrier since I was a child. I think that's part of the reason why I have Crohn's disease. No two bodies are alike, so you're not weird. I understand that it's difficult not to feel that way sometimes.