February 13th marked my 15 year anniversary of my relationship with "Rose Budd". I always get mixed emotions over this day. I try to look at this in both lights, of course the brightest light that I'm alive today. For had I gone home that day, and listened to what my doctor was saying (There wasn't anything wrong, I just had to go to the washroom after he perforated my bowel) I remember waking up and seeing this pouch stuck to my abdomen for the first time, I was stunned. I had NEVER seen nor hear of such a thing prior to me getting it. needless to say when I was told it would only be for 3 months I felt I was strong enough to make it through that. Then when the doctor that caused this in the first place came in and informed me it was permanent and whoever told me it was only for 3 months misinformed me, I spun into a deep depression. I was so distraught I was ready to take my own life over this. I didn't realize at that time it's not so bad. I blocked everyone in my life out and was only thinking of ME and how was I going to live like this? I saved up all my medications and even had my personal ones ready to take them all that night, I was finished. That was until my then husband brought me my son to see me. Right then and there all feelings of woe left me, I NEEDED to go on because my son needed his mommy, he was about to turn 1 in a month's time. After that and I wanted visitors, my friends came in to see me, they accepted my new addition with ease. They didn't run away from me, they didn't laugh, they embraced me and talked to me. My best friend helped me take a shower and freshen myself up which made a world of difference. I then began to see things in the second light.....My NEW life. I am truly different and quite unique. I still eat, sleep and poop, just a little different than others. I can still do everything I did before, even better now that I don't have to spend 90% of my time in the bathroom clutching onto a pillow in agonizing pain. I can go out and ENJOY my life and both my kids. I don't need to only go on short road trips now, I don't need to know the exact location of every bathroom on the route I take.
I have hit many bumps on this road but I have also learned far more than what I ever expected to learn. I have met the most wonderful people that SURPRISE have also been in my shoes. I'm NOT the ONLY person having to deal with this. I have a great support group and I can EAT again, without having to be on steroids. I may have some weight issues but as long as I can stay at or over 110lbs I'm good.
There have been major downfalls but I blame myself for them. Me and my now ex husband splitting up for one. I felt he deserved better as I was damaged goods and he deserved someone with ALL her parts. He and I split up in 2002 but no matter how hard I try to ditch him, he has always stayed by my side through set backs, flares and surgeries. He is the first one to bitch a doctor out for me and the first one to offer to take me to the ER. He knows when I'm in hospital and call him and say get here he gets there and is raising hell as he is walking down the hall. So no matter how hard I try I guess I'm stuck with him.
My friends that I thought would run screaming in the other direction have stood by me and helped and supported me. They know signs and symptoms of what is going on with me before I even know. They have also made changes to schedules to accommodate me and Rose. When we go out, they make sure if need be, we are close to the bathroom, keep spare water in their cars, even keep a change kit at their houses for me, just in case. They accept and we laugh over my noises. We joke about how if we want a theatre to ourselves I could always just let out some gas and empty the place out.
So in the end of these ramblings, I just want to say to those who are new to an ostomy or those who are thinking about it. Your life is not OVER it is really just BEGINNING, for it's a NEW LIFE you are given. I'm doing my best to embrace this chance on a positive note. There will be good days and bad days, more good than bad and it is what YOU make of it.
Stop feeling Woe is me....it should be WHOA! it's ME!!! Attack each day, don't just live it.
I have hit many bumps on this road but I have also learned far more than what I ever expected to learn. I have met the most wonderful people that SURPRISE have also been in my shoes. I'm NOT the ONLY person having to deal with this. I have a great support group and I can EAT again, without having to be on steroids. I may have some weight issues but as long as I can stay at or over 110lbs I'm good.
There have been major downfalls but I blame myself for them. Me and my now ex husband splitting up for one. I felt he deserved better as I was damaged goods and he deserved someone with ALL her parts. He and I split up in 2002 but no matter how hard I try to ditch him, he has always stayed by my side through set backs, flares and surgeries. He is the first one to bitch a doctor out for me and the first one to offer to take me to the ER. He knows when I'm in hospital and call him and say get here he gets there and is raising hell as he is walking down the hall. So no matter how hard I try I guess I'm stuck with him.
My friends that I thought would run screaming in the other direction have stood by me and helped and supported me. They know signs and symptoms of what is going on with me before I even know. They have also made changes to schedules to accommodate me and Rose. When we go out, they make sure if need be, we are close to the bathroom, keep spare water in their cars, even keep a change kit at their houses for me, just in case. They accept and we laugh over my noises. We joke about how if we want a theatre to ourselves I could always just let out some gas and empty the place out.
So in the end of these ramblings, I just want to say to those who are new to an ostomy or those who are thinking about it. Your life is not OVER it is really just BEGINNING, for it's a NEW LIFE you are given. I'm doing my best to embrace this chance on a positive note. There will be good days and bad days, more good than bad and it is what YOU make of it.
Stop feeling Woe is me....it should be WHOA! it's ME!!! Attack each day, don't just live it.
