Moving On - Coping with Cheating and Finding Happiness

Hi everybody! I hope that you guys don't mind if I vent a little. I have been trying to find a way to cope and release frustration. Recently, I blogged about meeting new people and exploring what life has to offer. The reason for this is because I recently separated from my wife of 24 years. We have been having problems for many years now and I thought that it would be best to split. I guess that all the surgeries and complications that I went through took a toll on her. Actually, on both of us. To be honest, it led her to stray! I know that I can be difficult at times and not easy to live with, but I couldn't take the humiliation anymore! I tried to make it work, but the more I tried, the more she tormented me. The longer I ignored the cheating, the worse it got and it was thrown in my face. After a while, I became calloused to it all. Please don't get me wrong, it hurt, it hurt bad! I couldn't understand how she could do this to me, especially when I have been through so much. One thing that I will say though, I have never cheated despite her actions!! I believe in loyalty, devotion. I wasn't going to play the same game, I am too old for that. Now that we are apart, I feel free and my stress level is gone finally. My anger has left and I feel good about leaving. We have gotten along better this past 2 weeks apart than we have in years! Funny, huh? I think the main reason for spilling my guts to strangers is that we, as ostomates, don't have to tolerate our spouses cheating just because we are different. I know that I am not the only one that has experienced this. Everyone has their own story to tell. We can't be responsible for what others do or act. The moral of this story is that if you feel disrespected and you have been cheated on, you need to stand up for yourselves and leave the person that you are with, no matter how much you care about them. Do what's right for you. Thanks for listening, I needed to vent. I hope to find happiness in the near future. LOL, Chris

Hi Chris vent away! It's not fair and it's humiliating enough to be an ostomate without it being used as an excuse to do the dirty. I think you have done the right thing. You have the right as a human being to be loved and respected unconditionally and I sincerely pray you meet someone with a big heart who will love you for the man you are. God bless you and give you the peace of mind and spirit to get through the days ahead. Remember all your friends are here for you xoxo.

Hi Lorraine, how are you doing? I hope all is well with you also. I just wanted to thank you for your reply. You are right, she found every excuse in the book to justify her behavior! In the long run she did me wrong. A leopard doesn't change its spots. hehe... That is why we are no longer together. I'm doing good with no regrets. Life goes on. Now she has her freedom to do whatever she wants. I guess we are both happy now! Well anyway I have to go. Once again thank you for your kind remarks.. lol, Chris

Hi, I am okay but having a little problem that hopefully will be nothing to get bothered about.
I hope I wasn't too blunt, but I sincerely wish you well and I have no doubt you will find someone who loves your bag and all. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and find something you really enjoy doing, and day by day life will improve. It's already starting to improve; she's gone and you have a chance of a better life! Oh my, did I really say that!! But what the heck, we can say whatever we want here. Bye for now and hopefully speak again soon.

You're so right, Panhead... Many in our ostomate family have lost their relationships during the transition from illness to hope. We "Senior Members" have learned to accept that our "attachments" are the "perfect" jerk alert monitors!! After the initial pain, humiliation, self-doubt, self-consciousness, self-loathing, and absolute faith that your life is over... reality sets in. You are still the loving, caring, honest, and giving human you've always been, but with a better understanding of the important things. Of course... if you were an asshole before, you can very well still be one. It's up to you, I guess. LOL You've already lived through hell, made it through the fire, and are a member of the "HERO" survivors club. Never settle for more than you deserve... beg.

Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Hi Chris,

Life tries us in many ways, and a cheating partner is horrid. I know I have been there, and like you, I was hurt really bad. I think one of the hardest parts was that she was cheating on me with my so-called best mate! I tried everything to make our marriage last, but alas, it broke down and she walked out. That was 12 years ago. All the anger has gone (I still don't speak to my ex and never will). I am with someone else now and very happy. Hey, maybe my so-called best mate did me a favor! In this life, you have to make your own luck and do what you think is right.

Be safe and be strong!

Hi mate, I fully understand your plight and hope you find a considerate partner in the near future. I have the 2 stomas, ileo and urostomy, and though my wife doesn't have sex with me, she does help now and then with dressing, etc. So I have to allow her some freedom.

Cheers mate,

Jas

Hi browneyedgirl, how are you today? I hope that all is well with you also. Life is better now. You are right, I am still the same person that I was before. Actually, I am better than before. Meaning the ostomy thing. I have been given a second chance and now I think that I appreciate life more. I was a caring person before and now I am more caring. I respect myself more. Actually, before the ostomy, I was kinda reckless. I am nothing like that now!! I also treat people with respect. I will eventually find someone who is caring, loving, and most of all trustworthy. Hopefully, someone will come my way. Thank you so much for your input. Your friend, Chris

Hi Lorraine-Cooper1960. Thank you for your reply. I too hope that we will speak again soon! I like the way you express yourself! Hehe.. Take care. Your friend, Chris

There is a powerful track called "Time to Move On" see if you can post the YouTube link on here, I'm not techno enough. It's by the Rascal Flats.

Good luck with everything you do.