Seeking Ostomate Friends and Possible Romance

Hey there,

I am new here and am not a full member yet, but I am looking to find and talk to new ostomate friends. I am the only one who I know has an ostomy of any kind, so I am quite lonely. I am 39 and single with a 19-year-old son. I currently live in the U.S., but I am open to talking to anyone from anywhere and see if maybe something can turn into someone I can be with romantically. I enjoy reading almost anything I can get my hands on, and I also love Broadway and the movies. I also love certain TV shows that I have set on my DVR so I can watch them without commercials.

I see that I can read and respond to anyone that private mails me, so please do so and let's get to know one another. I am heading for yet another stomy revision on Nov 5th...I am praying that this is the last one.

Thanks for reading,

Allie - NJ - United States

Welcome to the site, there are some very good people on here. Good luck with your upcoming surgery.

thanks for the welcome.  I have gone into the general chat room a few times and there is never anyone there so I am waiting for people to message me so I can message them back because I am not a full member.  Thanks for the well wishes for the surgery.  Hopefully the surgeon will get the stoma right this time!

Where do you live? I live in Virginia. I am now an ex-ostomate, but will never forget. It could happen again..... Jay ****

Oh, duh, now I see NJ! Cool...

How to Manage Ostomy Leaks with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Hi

I highly recommend that you become a full member so that you can send and receive emails.

Plus, I also recommend that you find a support group in your area to get to know and talk with other ostomates. You can likely try your local hospital to find one. You can also google Ostomy Groups in your location.

You might also try to look into United Ostomy Association. They are a national group and can help you find a group to join.

I previously lived in California and now in Florida and I found joining groups in my area a great help and support system.

I wish you all the best.

Take Care, Connie

Hi, welcome to the "Club." I have had the same plumbing for 14 years so far and never questioned the alternative! You are welcome to email me anytime if you just care to complain about your situation. I am 68 and still actively working, so I can answer most anytime. I guarantee you have no story about this situation I have not heard. Also available to talk on the phone. You may find a person in your area with the same situation on this site. You are the first I have ever responded to. I do much cancer support work and enjoy helping out. Hang in there and try to have some fun, Bud.

Its probably easier being a guy with an ostomy than a woman with one.   I figure men are just more shallow than woman.   I could be wrong, as I've never dated a man :P

What I've found is that modern dating is definitely a benefit for those with ostomies.   With the Internet and then eventually phone, you can meet people and get to really know them before ever meeting in person.   You can spend hours every night texting/chating to this person and then when things feel right, you can bring up the ostomy.  Hard to hide it when sending erotic photos :P (just kidding).  I've been somewhat fortunate in that I've dated woman that are nurses, pharmacy technicians x 2 , social worker, personal support worker, etc.   All these type of woman either have had first hand experience with an ostomy or at least have an understanding of the medications I take for my Crohn's Disease.   I've never had a woman reject me in any way because of my ostomy.  I am the biggest hurdle to myself, as getting the ostomy did nothing good for my self confidence.

If you have a less active lifestyle, as I do, just be honest in your dating profiles.  I too mentioned my enjoyment for movies and relaxing in my home on the weekends.  I make it clear that if those reading my profile are looking for an adreniline junky, not to look at me.   I was somewhat careful in how I would word things, as it almost sounds like I am looking for a lazy overweigh person.  I still maintain a 42.5 hour work week, own a home and car, so I do what is necessary to get by in life, but at a cost.  Working and commuting can suck the energy out of my "half full" cup I start with and thus the reason I enjoy relaxing on my time off.    I've got a giant library of movies  ...don't judge me as not all movies were got for me over the years, many were for the woman in my life at the time and their kids.   Mary-Kate and Ashley are not my choice!

Anyways, if you do wanna talk about the joys of being a front pooper and single, get in touch with me.  I lack full membership also and I guess forum rules prevent one from posting any contact info here.   But, it doesn't prevent you from posting websites and then using a little bit if looking to find ways to communicate! :)

Good luck!

Charles

(my cats pics and my bookmarks website)

I hate being single... I really do. I thought I had found someone twice who didn't mind it, but they both found ways to leave. I didn't get it. I met one online, and he had been an EMT, and his ex-wife had an ostomy while they were married... and the second one, I told about it in depth to him, and he swore that he understood, then made an excuse to go MIA. LOL. So, I have no luck.

I'd love to get to know one another, but one of us will have to become a full member, LOL. Or just do it for the whole world on here to see. LOL

Allie

Hi allie. Welcome. May the dating gods bestow their blessings upon you.  

Hi, and thank you so much. I have heard that finding someone to date through here is hard to do. But I am not having any luck in the "real world" with guys without an ostomy, except one for a while. Heck, many of my regular friends have stopped coming around because of it. I can't say I blame them since mine is a recessed troublesome stoma. I barely go out of my house because I leak out when it's the most inconvenient time, and changing it is a two-person job. And the nearest support group is too far for me to go to every month, and they only have it twice a month anyway. It's ridiculous. So, I figured I would try to find some friends here who can understand where I am coming from, you know?

I had the same misdiagnosis as you, but they progressed me to the permanent reversal straight away. I can't stand the bags and that lingering feeling of having some excremental pouch, so I irrigate most days. That gives me quite a few hours of feeling okay with myself in public. I like your photos. I live in Sydney, Australia, and don't expect to see you soon, but good luck. Peter

Hi all, I just joined today, so I'm not quite sure what to say. I just got my colostomy in May and am learning to live with it. I would love to find some friends who are like me and understand since I'm still very self-conscious about this. I live in Phoenix, AZ, so if anyone is around here, I would love to hear from you, male or female. At this point, I'm just looking for a friend. I love animals, horses in particular, horseback riding (not sure if I can still do that), baseball, watching my favorite TV shows, jigsaw puzzles, and sightseeing in this beautiful state.

If you are having no trouble with leaking or keeping a bag on, you can still go horseback riding. You can do almost anything. And I am looking for friends too, so I will talk to you anytime. They don't have an actual support group close to me, so I have come here to kind of find some people to share the ups and downs of having an ostomy. I have an iliostomy (SP), which is different from what you have, and have had nothing but trouble with it. I am having a reconstruction of the stoma in about a week or a little more than a week...so hopefully, I will finally, after 7 years, have a life.

Hi Allie,

I'm new also and terrified to date. I've been asked out but I say no. I have 2 stomas and scars, so it's double the fun.

I was widowed right around the time I got my urostomy and colostomy. He would have been fine with this, but I don't think most men are that open. They are pretty shallow, and even here they want someone toned and fit, and 60 or 70-year-olds want 25-40 or whatever. No offense, guys, but I've seen it. Luckily, they are not all like that, and I hope you find someone wonderful who is open-minded. I also joined thinking about dating and if someone is right for me...maybe. I'm definitely looking for friends and support first and foremost. If you want to chat, I'm here every few days.

Good luck to you,

Marsone

Hi Marsone,

Welcome to MAO. I'm sure if you keep posting, you will find lots of wonderful folks here to make friends with.

Thank you. I appreciate you reaching out to me!

Marsha

Hi Allie and Marsone,

charK63 here, and I've only been a member for about a year now, but I still feel like a newbie on the site.

However, I think I've been fortunate enough to have had my colostomy reversed after only ten months with the bags.

I say "I think" because I had my reversal ten months ago and have not worked out all the kinks.

My surgeon recommended early reversal because, like you, Allie, I was severely recessed and had a stoma repair that didn't help at all. I was so recessed my body kept trying to close my stoma site, and I had to stretch it out when I passed a stool. Besides that, I couldn't get the bags to seal, so I sometimes had to change three times a day, and my skin was constantly bleeding from abrasion.

Anyway, I am single, a recluse, and a grandma, so I don't "date," never meeting anybody, so I don't know if I want to. It's too scary, and I'm very used to being alone but not lonely.

I am not a paid member, but I post so much I've been given full membership. I didn't ask for it; I just like to talk. A lot! Lol

I can't figure out the chat room and find that I'm too shy to just insert a comment.

Well, welcome aboard! Also, by the way, when I want to speak to someone I've met, I go back to the forum topic where I started. When all I do is basically whine and complain, I don't hunt down a private conversation because I'm already obtrusive enough!

charlotte

Hi Charlotte

Wow, hopefully your reversal will work out well for you. I do wish I had that option, but due to the kinds of aggressive cancers I've had, it's too much of a risk. I am having a very bad time with a hernia under the colostomy stoma. Frequent changes because the bags don't lay flat, and I'm getting tearing and abrasions. I have 2 bags; it's like I hit the lotto. Seriously, I'm alive and I hope getting stronger, and that's what I'm focusing on.

I run out of bags, and that's really fun. I'm going to hit up some suppliers and try some different bags; hope that helps.

I have to run for a doctor's appointment, but thanks so much for writing to me, and I'm open to correspondence.

Have a great weekend! Marsone/

Marsha

Hi Marsha,

Just a quick note. I had been telling my doctors all about my frequent changes and had them rewrite the quantity on the prescription, then had enough from then on.

At the same time, I explained how much tearing I had removing the bags and asked for spray adhesive remover.

I had to get my nurse to borrow some bags for me from one of their patients, and another time I purchased some singles.

They were difficult to find, and the store I found them at had about 15 on the shelf. They only had one style and no pastes or other supplies. He explained he didn't want to have opened boxes gathering dust.

He was right. The bags were old. They had lost some flexibility, and the glue didn't adhere very well.

I have not been able to find the adhesive remover spray anywhere for sale to individuals.

Good luck, Charlotte