Divorce, Medical Struggles, and Feeling Worthless

Well, I'm divorced due to the ostomy. She couldn't handle my medical problems, so she walked away. I feel like trash, like I'm not worth anything anymore. She was having an affair while I was in the hospital, almost dead, the witch. Sorry, bad day in court. Custody hearing was today, not a good day.

Hello labrat. Without intending to be sexist isn't it usually women that share these sort of sad stories of betrayal in relationships? Not that it doesn't happen to men as well as you can bear witness to.   Sorry to hear about your present predicament as these events tend to be accompanied by such a wide ranging, intense and somewhat less-controllable emotions.  Like all the other bad stuff that happens in life, if and when you can see beyond the negatives your new future life will probably be much better for it.  Or let's hope so! Best wishes  Bill   

I'm sorry you're going through this. The only thing that is going to heal your heart is time. That is such an annoying cliché, but it is pretty true. As for your ex-wife, some people cannot handle the stress and strain on a commitment that an illness can cause. Don't let this color how you see yourself. This is less about your illness and more about her inability to cope in the situation. I hope your anger and sadness eases, and after a while, you will see this for the opportunity that it is. You get to find someone who will appreciate and love the new you. The guy who is a little more seasoned by life. Good luck to you.

You are the lucky one to find out now and not later that she was certainly not your perfect mate. The ostomy is not the cause - it may have been her excuse though.

I so so wish you the best. You need to stop the anger as that means the other person "won" and is using your energy. You can handle the hurdle even with all the other stuff going on -- you will heal faster without the stress. I fully believe that everyone really needs to learn to live and not have to count on others to make them happy ---

I have weathered the same and it is much easier to live a full life and healthy life now....

Hang in there, let her go, life is great, just be positive. I have had an ostomy now for 8 years and am good!

Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

You poor thing, you are well rid of such a woman. Please do not blame yourself. You are not worthless. You will find a much better person, I am sure.

Good luck...

Labrat,

Try to think about your ostomy as a 'jerk-detector'. Sorry you didn't have your jerk detector prior to getting married. LOL.

BTW- There are plenty of non-jerks out there so don't get discouraged. You should actually be happy that you finally found out you were married to a jerk. LOL. Take care.

I wished it was 1776 still....get her hanged for being a witch. Plenty more fish in the sea! Grab a rod and reel one in like a man!!!!!

I am trying, but it is hard as I feel sometimes like I am judged on my disabilities and not my abilities.

Labrat, I always speak the truth and yes, it is true you will be judged on your disabilities. So am I, I have been on regular dating sites and I know that women have been put off by me having a stoma. It is unfortunate that people see the disability before the person, but you will have to get used to it as I will and am slowly doing. It will take time. As for your wife, couldn't agree more than with what Mark1070 said. From what you say, it was never going to work and your op just speeded the inevitable up a bit. All you can do is think of the positives ....................... it's party time !!!! No one to hold you back, go out and have some fun, do something you always wanted to do but your ex would never let you. Sod the cost, sod what others think, just go ahead and do something to please yourself. Then keep posting on here if you need to, and remember, look up at all the posts. No negatives here, just new friends with positives for you.

Spot-on Jason. Go out and find someone better!

Try speed-dating, try anything, just go for it.

What's the worst that can happen? Bag fall off and embarrass yourself?

Still better than doing nothing, and something to laugh about (eventually).

And if the bag doesn't fall off, you've had a good time.

Hi Labrat - Same thing happened to me while I was struggling for my life back in 2003-2004, after 24 years and 2 children together my spouse acted as yours has. I've posted my story here in my blog. What kept me going was my children and a strong will to not let the bastard win! If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, it sure hurts like hell, and for years I questioned what I did wrong to bring on such a fate. Turns out I'm doing better now than he is...he's bankrupt and still a jerk, only I'm not saddled with him. Interestingly, he lives in your neck of the woods now, got bitten by a tick and claims to have chronic Lyme disease, so what goes around comes around. I do believe in karma. But there is no satisfaction in the destruction of a family. I feel for you and wish you the best back at school and in your life. I will say your age and gender is in your favor!

How are you today?

I'm great, thank you! And yourself?

Evening labrat....Sorry you're having a shit day, but in reality, why are you still giving her satisfaction? She's winning as long as you are angry, frustrated, and bitter....turn that other cheek, be happy, smile, positive, even if it's not true. Don't let her win, it's your turn.... it's her way of justifying her actions to blame your health concerns. She needed an out and used ostomy as her reasoning.....the grass is not always greener on the other side and karma is a bitch....be the person you truly are deep down inside, do not let her or anyone take that from you.....you got this fight, you just got to fight!!!!! Be the better person and you come out smelling like a rose.....Never just settle....your new life is about to begin, enjoy every second of it...

Tracy

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Wow. I'm so sorry that happened to you. No wonder you are devastated. That is horrible. Please know that your life is a gift. None of us get out of here alive. We all have medical problems. Trust me, she will get her karma. You rock with those medical problems!! They are a small part of you. It's her loss.

When we go through bad times, it reveals those who truly care about us. You will definitely get over her because obviously she is lacking in the character department. When somebody truly loves you, they could never hurt you!! God bless and keep moving forward!! You deserve nothing but happiness!