Hi everyone.
So my sister called me this morning and said, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?" I said, "Changing out my bag" (which I was). She immediately got upset and said, "That's nasty! That's like me telling you I'm wiping my butt. I don't want to hear about that." I wasn't trying to offend her, but I don't see it that way. I see it as a surgical adjustment because I don't go that way anymore. Is my thinking wrong? It really kind of bothered me.
I think her response to it was quite rude, but unfortunately non-ostomates aren't as desensitized to this as we are, and some are very grossed out by it all. I don't think it's right, but it's the way it is. I would keep it pretty close to the vest unless you can tell how someone is going to react. I myself don't talk about it with anyone that's non-ostomate or in that area of the medical field.
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Ostame nurse told me we're cleaner than normal people. We are much cleaner than them. I don't have any manly odor coming from my private parts anymore since the operation. I don't have much smell anymore. My undies and shirts last longer and we're not as full of shit anymore. Hope this helps, Jerz from Baltimore.
Hello drfields24. Thanks for sharing your experience with your sisteras it is not an uncommon reaction. Try not to let her response bother you too much as it is just another one of those 'instinctive', knee-jerk reactions that people make when they are not really thinking things through.
I did try to capture this concept in rhyming verse way back in 2012 in a poem entilted 'HOW ARE YOU? ( BRIEF RESPONSES)' - Do we tell them the truth or do we lie? Or do we simply ask them WHY? Once the conversational door has been opened, we enter into a minefield of potentially offensive interaction. The poem will be on my profile somewhere as I have posted all this stuff at the point when it was pertinent to me.
One of the great things about writing down my feelings is that it tends to free me up from the emotional crap which tends to be associated with the event and I can move on without giving it much more thought. I hope you can do the same.
If you sister asks a similar question again as to what you are doing or how you are, you can quite honestly answer that you feel that she 'really doesn't want to know!'
Best wishes
Bill
I am sorry your sister reacted that way, it would be nice if she were more understanding. I have had my ostomy a long time and I never mention it. I am, however, impressed with people who are more open about their surgery, it helps normalize it. At the end of the day, we have to do what we are comfortable with. Your thinking isn't wrong, it is your thinking. It is your ostomy to view however you want. Time and love will help.
Hi, it is unfortunate that your sister had such a negative reaction, you did nothing wrong. She did. Is she oblivious to the fact that your stoma is either saving your life or just making day-to-day living easier for you? Have you ever had a frank discussion with her about your new normal? If not, I think it's time you did. My entire family and friends know mine and they are all just grateful that I survived the cancer that made it necessary. We discuss it and I answer questions if asked. There is no shame in having an ostomy, rather it is a badge of courage and survival. I am proud to be a part of such a strong elite group. I think our experiences make us more compassionate and understanding people.
Sincerely, Rosiesmom and proud of it.
Wow, lots of great and encouraging answers. I just wouldn't answer the phone when I'm changing my appliance. It's kind of the same when folks are using the restroom, I don't answer the phone at that time.
When I'm changing, I'm not wiping my butt but changing my pouch. There is a difference. Maybe she just doesn't realize all the care an ostomy takes.
Hi Denise.... It's not your thinking, it's hers.... The old saying goes, "don't ask if you don't wanna know".... She asked, you told, her bad if she doesn't want to hear..... Don't let it bother you, hun. You answered a question she didn't like the answer.... Keep smiling.
