Seeking Advice - Partner's Ostomy affecting Intimacy

Sorry, I am enjoying being intimate more than anytime in my life! My partner accepts my colostomy and we have a ball!

I can't speak for your partner...but I haven't entered into, or even tried to pursue any kind of relationships or intimacy since my surgery a year ago. My body has changed, this is true...but psychologically...because it wasn't my choice and came with no warning...having an ostomy wasn't something I'd ever imagined. I used to model, and loved my figure.

I lost a lot of weight, gained most of it back, but my shape isn't the same, and I still have trouble even looking down at my stomach. I'm so uncomfortable with it that I won't even put myself in a situation where someone can see it. I wear baggy clothes...perhaps your partner is having trouble also accepting this new body despite you being positive. You don't feel sexy at all, cause you look down and think "I'm sick".

My ex, who was a doctor, broke up with me after my surgery...while I was still in the hospital...over text. I'm sure that didn't help my situation either.

Hello, you appear to be a very attractive woman! I have had a colostomy for 4 years! It has saved my life! I was on 4 dating sites and dated numerous women until I met the one that is moving in with me! I am sorry you feel the way you do about your ostomy! I don't understand why people can't accept it and enjoy life! My neighbor is married and has had an ostomy for 30 years! I believe your ex was totally wrong if he left you because of an ostomy!

If you love him, don't give up. Continue to read up on the subject and continue to be positive toward him. He needs you now more than ever as he is in a fragile state with the recent cancer and temporary ostomy. Be patient and listen to him. Ask if you can help him in any way. Continue to let him know that you still find him attractive and that the bag does not make you love him any less. Let him know you are present for him and anything he may need. The worst thing you could do right now is abandon him physically, emotionally, or mentally. When I had my emergency surgery, I cried for a week. I felt my life was over but I had the love and caring of my friends and family and this awesome site. It took a while, but I am doing so much better. I left my spouse recently but it had nothing to do with my ostomy. It had been coming for a long time, I just chose to stay with hopes he would change but he did not. You are lucky because you have someone to love so if you love him, don't give up on him. Good luck! I hope things get better for you!!

Agree, if he loves you everything will be okay! It is with me!

Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Don't wait. You should both know now if arousal is possible. It's not too "hard" to find out. If your partner is impotent, there are other options to learn about. I knew an urostomate that was impotent post-op but then he had a penile implant that he and his wife were happy to have.

I had colostomy surgery done and it pretty much ended my sex life. It resulted in impotence and I'm at the point now of thinking about getting a penile implant.

No, go to a urologist and get Trimix injections! With an auto injector! I am 67 and sex is better now than in my 20s! I have ED with a colostomy! I am tired of telling people about this and them not agreeing to do it! There is no pain, I can go for hours!

You're right, Abe!

Yes, it's sweet!

Get an ostomy wrap to wear. Then it is out of the way. Hope he can get over his reluctance.

Wish I could talk to you in person! Most women don't even know I have a colostomy! The ones that do could care less! Do what you've got to do! The only problem I have is my back and neuropathy! Your hubby should be glad he's breathing! There's no reason not to be intimate! Good luck!

Wow! I can relate to your situation. Between my sternum and my pelvic bone, I am a train wreck! I think the only thing that can love me is my cat. :( Your doctor left you and my spouse tried to kill me... but I cannot prove it. All I have to show for it is my ileostomy! He gave me the meal that started everything. I just wish the doctor would have taken blood samples. I was just so sick and close to death that saving my life was the most important thing at the moment. I have just been cut so many times in my stomach and abdominal area that the muscles are shot. No way can I lose weight! It just won't come off. I mean, I am not obese or anything like that, I am just very unattractive in that area. I wish men weren't so hung up on looks. There are a lot of women who would make very good, loyal wives if they would accept us for what is in our brain and hearts instead of our stomachs. You are a very pretty young woman and anyone would be lucky to have you. Don't give up on yourself!! I am going on 67, so I have been through life, but there is so much I want to see and do before I go to Heaven. I hope I get the chance! Take care and God bless!!