Should I Tell Colleagues About My Ostomy Upon Returning to Work?

I am due to return to work in about 4-6 weeks.



In many ways I'm looking forward to it after being stuck in hospital and then at home for the past few months. I feel it's time to get on with my life.



There is, however, one thing I can't make my mind up on - do I tell my work colleagues that I've had an illeostomy?



At present, all anyone knows is that I was off work with gut trouble and that I had to undergo an operation. Obviously my line manager is the exception to that, he knows the whole story but has promised not to tell anyone (this was when I first learned I had to have an operation so was really confused so didn't want people knowing before I'd got things straight in my head).





To those of you who returned to work, what approach did you take to the issue? Did you just come right out and tell everyone? Saves you having to answer the same question 50 times over, I guess?



Did you tell a selective few you knew you could trust?



Or do you keep your ostomy to yourself? At the end of the day, is it realy anyone else's business but your own?



I just cannot make my mind up about this. The crazy thing is, I'm actually just as afraid of people being too supportive and sympathetic as I might be people thinking it's funny or cold shouldering me or what have you.



As always, any advice gratefully received.

hi scott

well ive been unable to return back to work yet but i know people who have kept thier operation to themselves and very close family and others that are very open about it. after 1st having my operation...dec 09.....i didnt want anyone to know...suppose i felt people wouldnt except me but now ive come to terms with it myself..... i am open about it. i have found some people to not understand and to those people i pity because just because we have our bits on the outside so to speak doesnt change us in any way. i try and visit work every other week and yes at 1st came the 101 questions but that i think is just more curiosity...we now all joke about it which is the way i like it....

why hide something that for alot of us has saved our lifes....weve got them and there is nothing we can do....it makes us unique

i know proberbly alot of people wont agree with me but this is my opinion

all the very best for the future

tine....xx

there are a few people here at work that I know do know about it. However, people do talk and I suspect most of the building knows but no one has ever said anything - they just seemed so happy that I was alive and back! I did find, and the stoma nurse had warned me, that some of the people who knew would be curious and ask about it. I had no problem with that at all. Secondly, I can't keep it a secret very well as I do stand up and have a lot of material about it I intend to use.

Way to go Lobster -  Would love to hear some of that! xxx

HI Scott



When I went back to work after my op, I kept it to myself (I was 21) as I considered it was a private matter.  I presume some knew about it, but no-one asked me what I'd had done, so my working life just went on merrily as usual.   I went to meetings of the first Ostomy Assn in Melbourne, so that was enough to be able to talk about it to someone  who knew what it's all about and that was a great help.  Even now, most of my friends don't know I have an ileostomy.    I don't think they need to know unless they are in the position of having  a similar op themselves, and if I feel I can help.    But of course, it's up to you to decide who you tell.



Hope this helps you.

Trish

How to Manage Emotions with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Thanks all for the replies to date. Quite a mixture there - someone who kept it private, someone who told selected friends and someone who's quite open about it (thanks for that heartfelt reply, Tine, xx back at you

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I guess I have to think about who I am and what image I want to project and make my decision. If I keep it private, will people think I'm being too standoffish? If I "go public", will people think I'm too in your face? I don't know...



Lobster - ostomy stand up sounds a great idea. I mean, think of all the social taboos that have been brought to public awareness by comedy (ie, class / race divides by Black comedians in America, obesity by Jo Brand and Ricky whathisname, Ben Elton's Maybe Baby etc). An Ostomate comedan could really educate the greater public about what people on this forum go through.



When I think how little I knew about all this before I became ill. It's not the sort of subject you'd go out of your way to research unless you were studying for a medical degree, but imagine how much more clued up and even less "weird" I'd have felt about the whole thing if I'd seen an ostomate comedian talk about the subject in a funny yet sensitive manner? Seriously, great idea, all the best with the act.

Every ones different I had my ileo when I was 20 I told everyone. Like someone already said most people will have an idea about what surgery you have had.  The way I always explain mine is some people have a bowel inside, some have one outside, that's the only difference. You will have the odd one that's says I would rather die than have one of those things. They can BLEEP of and die then, I know what I would choose every time.



I have a wry sense of humour. If you don't tell anyone when someone annoys you, you can pull your top up and say OH look it's full of **** like you, hehe. The look on their face is unbelievable.

I'm with most of you. I was so ill that almost everyone knew I was getting an ileostomy in my little town. They knew I have been moving towards the surgery for years. Since I am no longer a slave to the toilet I am able to get out there and ride motorcycles, fish, and campout with everyone. I have had a few issues with the pouch "popping" and clamp slipping, that is when a sense of humor is needed. I have learned to place a piece of TP into the bowl of the pot to empty onto (to negate the splash sounds) and I use Na'Scent to control all odor. My dumpage has no odors, unlike the "sitters!" even after seafood. In fact some friends are a bit envious that I can just stand up and not pull my pants down when we are using an outhouse or the like. The appliance is such a small part of your life (if you let it be) that most people will forget about it anyway. So it comes back to being up to you...You dont have to announce your pouch, it is after all a private matter; But if someone asks about your surgery I would tell them the name of it. You have the right not to talk about bowels in the workplace...no matter where the end of yours is. I hope you have a great time returning to your job. Just play it by ear and what you are comfortable with sharing. good luck from lex

Well I don't work out but hey you still interact with people regardless.  Here's my view, The more its out there the less of a big deal it is. I mean we have commercials on tv for darn near ever other body malfunction (Tampons, limp Willie pills, toe fungus) & ya think I feel bad about poopin' in a bag???? HAH.



If you present yourself as open & willing to talk about it I find it makes people far more comfortable, If they ask questions all the better. Relax dude. I've told people I was so full of Sh^T I had to get a second as*hole and a bag to catch the overflow

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I print T shirts etc. you think I haven't had fun with this "hole stoma saga"??????? I am a "BAG LADY" & damn proud of it. So when you go back on your first day..... think about being alive. Where you relieve yourself from is REALLY SO NOT IMPORTANT!!!!

most places all you have to do is tell one person and everyone knows anyway LOLOL

lol....yer darcey.....thats usually how it works...hope you are ok...xx

I'm in about the same situation, Scott. With myself, I have been off for over 18 months, and incredibly, the folks I worked with have gotten closer during that time. I have been totally open with them, and my manager even came to see me in the hospital. I stay in touch the best I can because work has always formed an important piece of my life. Most people seem to take an interest in my plight when I open up to them. It actually creates an opportunity to get closer to those I have some rapport or trust with already.



I wish I could offer more help, but want to say that you are not alone. The best policy for me has been to be open as I can comfortably be with the people in my department. Certain people know very little because I was never close to them to start with, but with the ones I deal with on a daily basis, I don't hold much back. I will likely keep my changes "undercover" if possible with others I deal with outside my immediate department. I hope all goes well for you!